WWYD: dirt poor

[Alicewither]

I’m a single parent to DS3, when I got pregnant I was in a very different situation, before anyone judges. I had a car, I worked full time in a clothes shop and was with ex for 2 years, we rented a 2 bed flat together.

Now - I live in a village, no car as the last one broke and can’t afford a new one, Im studying computing with the open university hoping to become a software developer and I have a remote internship this summer, as well as studying outside of this. DS3 is due to start local primary schools pre school 3 afternoons a week in September as that’s all the space they had, this is fully funded.

Ex hasn’t had contact with DS3 for over 2 years, he walked out when he was 3 months old. Child maintenance is set up as collect and pay directly from benefits / wages but haven’t received a payment in 8 months and CMS are slow for everything. I’m assuming he’s working self employed and not declaring it. I have no family help, my mums terminally ill.

I have no savings, and a lot of debt. I had a new partner when DS was 9
months old that I stayed with for nearly 2 years who became abusive so we had to leave our house, I was also financially abused.

INCOME
£404 UC monthly (deductions for loan + rent arrears)
£21.80 a week child benefit
Rent is fully paid

OUTGOINGS
Gas £40
Electric £80
CT £30
Debt £30
Water £47
Internet £28
Food shop toiletries cleaning etc £250
Phone £10
Travel £40
Toys / clothes - there’s a childrens shop in the town closest to me that’s all completely free, run by a charity, I also buy / sell on Vinted

as you can see my outgoings are larger than my income.

What would you do? Try work full time even though after childcare and expenses you’d have nothing left? I don’t understand how I can get out of this situation. If something breaks in my house, I’m in trouble. I have absolutely no spare money. DS3 Bedroom is empty apart from drawers, bed got damaged in the house move and I can’t afford carpet, so he sleeps in my bed.

Also, have you tried explaining to your work coach for UC. I know they aren’t always great, but honestly mine has been so helpful and supportive. That’s what they’re there for.

How many credits are you studying per year? “Full time” for the purpose of council tax exemption means at least 21 hours per week, so if you’re doing 90 credits in a year this might qualify you for that. Open University can provide evidence - can’t find the link now but Student Support would be able to tell you.

I don't think you're food bill is high either OP, although you could kind of set yourself a challenge to see if you could reduce it by say 5% just to see if you can and to free up a little more money.

Can your parents or other family give you any money.

I think you can work on a self employed basis and earn £1000 a year before you have to declare it (check first things might have changed). That would ease things a little for you if you could do a bit of working from home.

OP, so sorry to hear your struggling despite your working history and trying to get your degree.

I'm just wondering if you can get your food bill down a little more, we spend £50pw for two adults - mainly veggie, and fish when on offer or tinned fish added to a recipe. Fried onion and canned tomatoes are great for making a sauce and throwing in whatever you have - fish, meat, pulses, cheese for topping, peppers, sweetcorn, garlic, chilli, dried herb - servce on top of pasta, rice, potatoes. Just wondering if you can get your gas/electric down a bit more - again it's slightly above ours.

Do look into the question of a student loan. Student loan England were really helpful when DD had queries.

I will start by saying that you are doing a fab job and doing your best in a shit situation.
Having been in the same place myself from I can only give you my experience. I cooked everything from scratch, yogurt, granola, bread, etc. We usually had soup and scones for lunch (infact my son still talks about having to eat so much soup) I saved all leftovers, NEVER threw food away,. You get very imaginative. We had ‘leftovers casserole’ it was any leftover put in an empty ice cream tub until full in the freezer then defrosted and heated through. At one point I even saved the labels from tins as ‘paper’ for him to scribble on. I watered down washing up liquid, used half the washing powder recommended. It was really tough, but we got through to brighter times.

I would watch the frugal channels on YT, Frugal Jo is fab for ideas to cut down. Moneys Saving Expert is good for the advice and the frugal forums.

See if there any charities that can help with furniture. Check turn2us for grants.

In case it hasn't been suggested already, you may be able to get money for changing your bank account. You may not be eligible for the best deals, but worth a look. www.moneysavingexpert.com/banking/compare-best-bank-accounts/

I'm pretty sure you shouldn't be paying council tax at all if you receive UC. Could you check that with your council? I know it's a separate claim directly with the council not through UC. Also, would you be able to apply for a discretionary housing payment? Again, that's through your council.

Apart from that, the one thing that could really help is to try and get the debt repayments reduced. What about CAB or Christians Against Poverty (not religious at all but free).

I think everyone has to pay council tax. There is a reduction if you're on a low income but it barely makes a dent.

Just want to send some encouragement. Poverty makes every aspect of life so much more difficult.

In my opinion you are doing great to keep yourself and your little boy safe and healthy. Being a single parent with no respite is bloody difficult. So if you have days where it feels like it’s all too hard, try to reflect on the amazing job you’re doing all by yourself.

I hope you can continue with your studies, it’s your key to escaping poverty. And to much more fulfilling work.

I always think these threads about shaving off £1 here or there are pretty sad. No one knows how to budget better than a single parent.

Having said that! And just ignore this if it sounds daft, with regards to cleaning, the only cleaning products I use are baking soda and white vinegar. They are cheap and non toxic so no traces of chemicals left for your little boy to pick up on his adventures.

And I use sunlight soap to wash dishes. One bar lasts absolutely ages and again, no chemicals. You can use it in the bath too. A box of 5 will last you a couple of years! Amazing for getting stubs out of clothing, too.

I hope you get some help with getting a carpet and a child’s bed. I wish I could give you the child’s bed I have going spare but I’m on the other side of the world 🤔

I know that posters have mentioned call centre work of your wifi is up to speed. One of my friends employs a virtual assistant who she says is completely brilliant. Takes care of her calls and emails for a few hours a day. Something like that might work for you?

All the best.

You are doing really well!

have a look at https://endfurniturepoverty.org/local-welfare-provision-lwp/ for bed help

and https://grants-search.turn2us.org.uk for a grant you don’t have to pay back

If you have some IT skills, could you fit in some freelance stuff? Some website updates, or social media management, or even coding?

Have a look at people per hour website. Especially as you are studying computing. They often need people doing admin/software jobs. So u can fit that in around work. Also if you have fast typing skills look at online transcription companies. That can be done anytime in the day/night as long as you meet the deadlines.

I second looking at a credit union. They can help save and they do small loans to tide you over.

I'm not aware that u can get a second advance on UC though.

Don't pull up the carpet edging as you'll need it to lay carpet. Measure the room and ask on free cycle and your local community page if anyone can help with a room sized remnant or even a second hand carpet.
Our good bank has contacts with lots of local suppliers who can help with this type of thing. It's definitely worth asking in your own community.

Airtasker is a website where people can advertise jobs and you can bid to do them. Have a look.

Id also try to get a cleaning job or tutoring while your DS is at care.

If you could earn just a bit more and cut your expenses just a bit then you should be ok until you finish your degree.

Stepchange can give you good advice.

Well done on the study, you do have a bright future ahead of you

Do you still have the broken down car? You may be able to sell it to a scrapping company who will come to collect it. I got £180 for my ancient broken car.

@HellonHeels i did scrap it! I actually got £400 for it

That's brilliant! You're really on top of things.

I'd echo the suggestion of asking Christians against Poverty for support, they are excellent for helping with debt payments and budgeting in general. And they won't go religious on you either.

Keep on keeping on, the end is really in sight now when you finish your degree. Has the OU been helpful with careers advice etc? I was wondering if you might be able to get IT work before the end of your course. Remote helpdesk stuff could be a possibility.

Your grocery shop is high for 1 adult and a 4yo. I cover 1adult, & 1hollow legged teen boy on about £160 a month shopping at Tesco. Do you have to shop locally due to no transport?

Your water seems high too. When on a water meter, if you have old fashioned single flush loos, put a brick in the cistern to reduce the water used.

Electricity - I've found that turning off tv, digibox and router at the wall over night saves £5 a month.

Once your dc is at nursery, can you get a bike? Free transport, lots of councils do refurbished bikes for nothing. Which county are you in?

If you are within 60 miles of Birmingham town hall, you might get help from baron Davenport charity. You’ll need to access them through an agency like citizens advice. I’ve had lots of success with clients through them. Also if you are in the Severn Trent water area look online for their big difference scheme. It would make a huge difference to your water bill. And as mentioned before most if not all water companies have reduced tariffs.

Can you see if the OU has a hardship fund?

If your son is 3 can’t get get free nursery hours?

I know it seems hard but you really are better off in work. As other people have said you will get UC for childcare and most of my rent gets paid with the Housing Benefit element.
I had to give up studying when my kids were younger as i just couldnt afford it. They are older now and im studying for my degree as they are independent.

What about child maintenance from the father? Where is he?

Have you considered moving in with family?

Uc can cover up to £640 of childcare costs a month or up to 85%

you can apply for a further reduction in council tax through council tax support. This is on top of the 25% discount

Read the fucking thread honestly.