WWYD: dirt poor

[Alicewither]

I’m a single parent to DS3, when I got pregnant I was in a very different situation, before anyone judges. I had a car, I worked full time in a clothes shop and was with ex for 2 years, we rented a 2 bed flat together.

Now - I live in a village, no car as the last one broke and can’t afford a new one, Im studying computing with the open university hoping to become a software developer and I have a remote internship this summer, as well as studying outside of this. DS3 is due to start local primary schools pre school 3 afternoons a week in September as that’s all the space they had, this is fully funded.

Ex hasn’t had contact with DS3 for over 2 years, he walked out when he was 3 months old. Child maintenance is set up as collect and pay directly from benefits / wages but haven’t received a payment in 8 months and CMS are slow for everything. I’m assuming he’s working self employed and not declaring it. I have no family help, my mums terminally ill.

I have no savings, and a lot of debt. I had a new partner when DS was 9
months old that I stayed with for nearly 2 years who became abusive so we had to leave our house, I was also financially abused.

INCOME
£404 UC monthly (deductions for loan + rent arrears)
£21.80 a week child benefit
Rent is fully paid

OUTGOINGS
Gas £40
Electric £80
CT £30
Debt £30
Water £47
Internet £28
Food shop toiletries cleaning etc £250
Phone £10
Travel £40
Toys / clothes - there’s a childrens shop in the town closest to me that’s all completely free, run by a charity, I also buy / sell on Vinted

as you can see my outgoings are larger than my income.

What would you do? Try work full time even though after childcare and expenses you’d have nothing left? I don’t understand how I can get out of this situation. If something breaks in my house, I’m in trouble. I have absolutely no spare money. DS3 Bedroom is empty apart from drawers, bed got damaged in the house move and I can’t afford carpet, so he sleeps in my bed.

Note that if you get student loans they can cut off your UC. They did to me and when I queried it, snotty man at DWP told me I had no right to go to uni while on benefits. I had to get my councillor involved.

We spend around £40 a week, £50 if we’re not trying to be careful, for two active adults so yes that is a lot for one adult and a 3yo.

OP, are you on prepayment for your energy or direct debits? I know prices are high but you are paying triple what we do and I work from home. Can you reduce your electricity usage at all?

Food bill is really really high for one adult and a toddler. We spend roughly that for two adults. Feel like you could easily bring that closer to £100 (there are heaps of Insta pages dedicated to £25 weekly shops etc).

Sounds like a shit situation to be in though OP, you have my sympathies. It won't be tough like this forever. ❤️

You should be able to get the spiky stuff off the floorboards using a claw hammer and a pair of builders gloves, I bet if you ask a neighbour someone will lend you theirs.

Then go on free cycle and see if anyone has a bed or rug you can have.

You can definitely cut down groceries, you don't need shampoo, conditioner, cleaning products every week, we usually buy those once a month.

By the time you factor in toothpaste, toothbrushes (which chewy 3 year olds get through quickly!) toilet roll, shampoo, soap, washing up liquid etc. You can very easily end up spend £10 per week buying toilet roll plus one or two toiletries/cleaning products. Washing powder and dishwasher tablets cost a fortune.

I think OP's groceries budget is realistic with today's prices. I am also on a low income with just DD and me at home and I rarely manage to come in under £250 per month on shopping.

OP, I've got an Ikea toddler bed to give away. DD only just stopped sleeping in it at 5 years old so you'd get a couple of years use out of it at least. It was handed down to us so I have no plans to sell it, but don't know any younger children to pass it on to here. I know you didn't start this thread to get people offering stuff but if you're anywhere nearby me I'd happily drop the bed to you so you could PM me with your location if you want to.

You may have already tried these OP, but if not:

• gas - have you received the £150 rebate from your local council (www.gov.uk/guidance/council-tax-rebate-factsheet#will-i-be-eligible-for-the-council-tax-rebate)? If you don't pay by DD, you'll have to apply online. I did and it was paid within a week. It will obviously over cover a small portion of the year's costs, but it's something
• have you also applied for the Warm Home Discount (www.gov.uk/the-warm-home-discount-scheme)? Even if the scheme is closed for this year, it's worth remembering and applying as soon as it opens next year
• Water - consider carefully whether you would be better off with a water meter or not. If you don't use much water, it may very well be cheaper for you. But if you bathe the little one every night, have a shower every morning, run the washing machine once a week etc., you may actually be better off sticking with the rateable value charge. If you're in a property which can't have a meter (e.g. because it's in a block of flats that share an industrial heating system or something like that), then you will be charged a max of £280 per year. Whoever your local water company is will have a similar page to this - www.thameswater.co.uk/help/account-and-billing/understand-your-bill/unmetered-customers
• Internet - would the VM Essential package be suitable for you? If not, ring them and try to renogiate the deal. www.broadbandgenie.co.uk/broadband/help/broadband-on-benefits

Unfortuantely, it's really hard to strip costs out of what is already pretty basic. With food, do as someone else suggested and pad meals out with bread (.e.g make 'meatballs' that are more bread than mince; make a giant pot of soup that lasts a week, make a veg stir fry using frozen veg, try buying the giant bottles of shampoo and conditioner when they're on sale).

It is very hard; I do feel for you OP. Ultimately, your only way out is through work. UC will pay for up to 85% of your registered childcare costs if you need childcare in order to work (providing you can find registered childcare!), so that may not be quite as expensive as you though. Although, as it's paid in arrears, you have to have the spare cash to pay for the childcare upfront.

Don't take the gripper rods off the edges of his room, you'll need them when you do find a carpet to fit. Where I am there's loads of Facebook groups where people give stuff away for free, join all of your community pages and look on Freecycle.

If there are any carpet shops within walking distance go and see if they have any offcuts. I have done this before I recently got an offcut for a single bedroom for £20 and fitted it myself.

Contact the OU and apply for their hardship fund. It's 10 years since I studied with them but I was also on a v low income then and they paid for a computer for me for the course. Also consider the option of doubling up on modules so you are classed as a full time student, although you'd only save your council tax which is low. It would make you a graduate sooner though.

How much would your normal UC payment be after the debts are paid off? It does seem really very low to me, so do check that.

Do you know anyone that is going on holiday and is wanting pet sitting? I've seen a few posts recently requiring this. You could do it from their house for a small payment then you'd save on your own bills whilst there and earn a little too.

all the spiky stuff is left round the room and under the door
Gripper tracks come up really easily, they're only tacked in. It doesn't help with the carpet, but it does at least make the room safer.

Are there any opportunities for employment in the village during pre-school hours? Is your internet good enough to consider remote call centre work?

Some places like local churches etc do a scheme where its like 10 items for £3.50 etc. I can't remember the name of it.

Food banks an option.

Scratch charity for furniture etc

Local churches can sometimes help with funding for things like carpets

I would also contact one of the free debt management services to reduce the debt payment to £1 a month - they will do an income an expenditure form to prove that you cannot afford to pay them more.

And I reading this right and your income is roughly £500/month?

Honestly, with an income like that, saving £10 here or there isn’t going to make much of a difference.

You need to increase your income.

Is there a reason you can’t work? You will received support on childcare costs. Your course is part-time and OU is generally designed to work around people working.

What would your costs look like if you were to work even 20 hours a week?

Buying them less frequently doesn't make them cost less, it just makes your bills uneven.

I'm sure she doesn't buy all of them every week, this is just an example of how her shopping breaks down.

When I need to reduce my food bills I plan in pasta and tomato sauce with sweet corn for three days. Bit of grated cheese on top. Perfect for a toddler too.

Food costs are really increasing, it's worth looking closely at everything you buy every time and seeing if there is a cheaper alternative of the same thing, or ditch it and just have a cheaper thing altogether.

As someone has said - use Turn2us for this. The grants tool that they have.
Find an organisation with this that fits your circumstances.
You usually have to submit a budget and copy of bank account in and outgoings.
Apply for money to get a carpet fitted.
It is clear to the organisations involved that your budget wont' stretch to these things right now and also describe your circumstances. It is fiddly to apply and takes a while but that should fix that problem. They will ask you to get a quote which you can send to them and they will probably pay the fitter directly in advance. Which organisation you apply will may depend on previous jobs etc. some grant giving places are really obscure and regionally dependent. Don't dismiss these as often these are the best chance of getting something. Titles of charities like 'Fund for Ladies in reduced circumstances etc'...You will see what I mean when you look at the tool.

I also recommend joining a credit union. Even if you save only £1 a week - it helps build that habit and later on you have some flexibility to apply for a loan at low rates of interest (the lowest around). Google credit union and your area. This may be the way to secure transport in future - again which will open up opportunities won't it?

Looks like you are doing well with the course. Could you offer in-house I.T support for domestic users and advertise in your local community magazine?
Maybe not right now but when little one goes to school/child care. Taking on one or two clients to start to gain experience. Or even do one client for free at first - in exchange for a reference for paid work? Can you babysit? Again community magazine...

Does your village have a community shop that you can help out with and get food? Can you start/help to start a community fridge?

www.bing.com/search?q=community+fridge&form=GEOTRI&refig=5b8036cb279843b38ba2505d49532e2c&isRef=1&showTw=1&isAutoP=1

Halfords have a scheme whereby your employer buys you an electric bike and you pay it off gradually.

It is very hard to be in your position op but I don't think I would consider work at the moment. With your mum terminally ill and no immediate cash benefit at the moment you would be adding massive stress to you life with childcare issues ext. Even if the job was the nursery hours you have (unlikely) who would look after your little boy if he was off sick. It seems like you would be denying yourself time with your mum without getting any financial benefit at all. Not much help now I know, but you will have more free hours to work when he starts school.
Instead I would try to get food vouchers and also look very carefully at your food budget. You could do healthy meals like baked potato and tuna and pasta based dishes quite cheaply for one adult and a toddler. Eggs and baked beans are relatively cheap. It's hard I know (have been there) but I think your food budget is the only realistic place where you could make changes at the moment. So sorry about your mum.💐

I worked it out a few months ago that the optimal amount of hours is 16. Any less, I wouldn’t earn enough, any more and I’d be worse off as UC cut and more childcare costs. I wouldn’t mind a little cleaning job, it’s just finding one plus childcare

Washing powder and dishwasher tablets cost a fortune.

They do, but I use the cheapest they sell, Aldi basic or whatever. Always use laundry liquid as it's the cheapest per wash, plus use half the suggested amount. Also, cheapest dw tablets, and you can use half - either snap them in half or put the point of a sharp knife into the middle of them on a wooden board and then snap them, you honestly won't notice the difference. And you'll halve those costs.

Every now and then run the wm with no detergent, most clothes actually only need a freshen up (appreciate this may not be true of a 3yo clothes though!)

Too good to go and olio are almost useless for us. They’re such fab idea, until you are turfing a small child out of bed (or leaving a bigger one behind) at 10pm and driving to the next town to pick a salad, a couple of loaves of bread and some pastries. I’m not knocking it, but just pointing out the limitations for a single parent who doesn’t drive.

My food/household budget is £80 for an adult and a child. We don’t eat properly (her because she’s picky, and me because I’m trying to save money) BUT I have a car and can drive to Aldi. If you’re relying on a local shop, it’s going to look very different

You need to look at switching to a brick Uni OP so you qualify for student maintenance loans. Doing the OU you will only ever get the degree funded and never be eligible for maintenance.

Though at your son's age OP your UC claim should be paying out a lot more. It might be worth checking your entitlement again.

It sounds like OP has averaged it at £10 a week which still makes it a huge amount to be spending on that category. It’s £4 for loo roll, £5 for washing powder, 50p for toothpaste, 50p soap, £1 each shampoo and conditioner, £1 deodorant, 50p bleach, £1 cleaning spray. I make that about £15 for stuff that should last a month.

I'd be looking for a part time remote role

Sorry pressed enter too soon.
So part time remote role, something like virtual assistant that you can do whilst your LO is at preschool or asleep, or whilst he's playing. Have a look om Facebook at eg. That works for me, Flexible working people etc.

Just so you know, I think if you do 16hrs of work a week, you should be eligible for 30hrs free childcare for 38 weeks per year, some childcare providers may let you spread it over 52 weeks if you don’t use all 30hrs a week.

You are right op, a cleaning job could work if you could get one because you could choose your hours and if your little boy was sick you could probably change the day. 😊

You say you have a lot of debt. If you feel it is unmanageable (which it sounds like you do) then get in touch with a debt help charity eg Christians Against Poverty or step change. They will help you find the best solution. In the meantime, put a note in your UC journal to say the the level of debt repayment is causing 'financial hardship'