DC with Sen mum's would you want me to tell you this or not?

[Summerwhereareyou]

Child's party,I asked my dd if her bf in the other class

Dd said " yes, all DC are invited except a b and x".

Ab and c are the DC with Sen

I know a s mum.
Reasonably well, she's always super positive etc.
Does she need to know this or should I tell the school.or
..just not mention it.

You should write to the school.formally that they mmed to teach children more about being kind and inclusive particularly to SEN children. This is the best way to help these children and the parents. It's unkind and irresponsible not to inform those who could improve things in the school.

Tea pot

No.

I have been able to draw on my experience with my relative and although, it was still a considerable learning curve with my own DC Sen ,they are mild and I've been able to get what she needs.
At the moment I don't think we need an ehcp but should we need one I'm already armed with all the information I need and I certainly wouldn't be going cap in hand to the school trying to offer two DC for the price of one. And I know that school manages parents with Sen and unfortunately we are not on the same page. Unfortunately this mum still believes her dd is in the best hand's but this is another thread.

Her DC possibly needs a 1:1 ta now!

Kindly, OP, I wouldn’t say anything to the parent if only because your communication in this thread has been unclear at best.

I’d worry about you misconstruing the situation or unnecessarily making everyone feel a whole lot worse than they would have if approached by a different message bearer.

Let the news get back to them through someone else and sit this particular drama out.

I understood the OP, wasn't that hard to deduce! I would keep out of it entirely.

Richard my dd has very mild Sen, the other three have more obvious disabilities.

Her dd and mine have struggled to access the curriculum hence we have spoken much about it.

It's not your party, so I wouldn't mention it. I've worked in a few schools and the specialist schools for disabled children have the happiest sens kids. Because they're more accepting of each other, they form better friendships and get lots of invites. As opposed to mainstream schools with sen support, I noticed sens kids were left out and ignored by other children quite often.

@Delectable

That would be my view as well.

It would be interesting to hear from actual teachers or a head if any are on here.

It's a very sensitive subject but nothing will change if we don't start teaching DC from a young age.

Ok fair enough.
And my pp about your DD’s BF being in the other class but was still invited? Could it be it was just a mix of DC from both the classes rather than all the DC from one whole class minus the 3 SEN DC?

I am a parent of a child with SEND. I would tell the school but no need to mention it to the parents - as others have said that might cause needless upset.

Unlikely the school will do anything at all (as you say they are not supporting of SEND) but you will at least have tried

I hate the idea these days that everyone in a class has to be invited to a party.
Children need to understand that invites don't always include you and it is easier for then to start to process this at a younger age that if there not invited as teens.
Parties are expensive and perhaps costs limit invited guest numbers.
As for your situation I would leave well alone, it's not your party to meddle in or cause upset between parents and children.
My DC school has a policy of not giving out invites in school to avoid the pressure of inviting everyone.

I'm really glad that's " fair enough" for you Richard.

Yes that's true. It could have been a mix from both classes.
I don't know enough hence I would not ask the party mum.
The party itself is a bit of a red herring, I should have stated this in the op. . its more the attitudes within the classes.
Let's say it was a party between two class and actually not just 3 dc were left out.

It's the fact other DC are talking in a matter of fact way about these DC as being not invited.
That's the issue.

If I told the mum it would be because she may want to tell the school.
However I think from some comments here it's clear she's not at that stage yet and yes my message would be confusing.

I don’t think school would necessarily get involved in the party issue but as I mentioned above my amazing form teacher was warned that some of the kids might be excited about the party and to be ready to change the subject if it looked like it would hurt my dd.

Where school should help - and this applies to all neurotypical and neurodiverse kids - is to try to have an inclusive and supportive environment. I know neurotypical kids whose parents have told the teacher their child has no friends / is being bullied and teacher can do pshe lessons or swap seating plans around to help. With an Sen child they might need speech therapy or a special club and it would be helpful for a teacher to be alerted to problems where that child is isolated. I really don’t see the issue with a quick five minute chat to a teacher.

I have read your post 3 times and still don't understand, sorry.

Ok, got it.

Off course you don't mention it to anyone, how embarrassing

The only person you should say something to is the hosting parent.

This. You have no idea why those three kids aren't there. If you think there is an problem speak to the person who actually arranged it rather than telling others this parent excludes disabled kids.

Asking the school to talk about inclusion (without mentioning this party) is fine if you don't think they do enough but it's not a way of addressing this specific issue.

I don't understand why some are saying tell the school. The teachers are not interested in out off school activities, they're not the police. This is for parents to sort out, I was taught that you accepted not being invited just as graciously as being invited. You can't force people to invite you, that is a bad presidence to set in later life.

The party itself is a bit of a red herring, I should have stated this in the op.

Is the herring A, B, C or X? Are the other letters also fish?

OP you have chopped and changed throughout this thread I'm surprised if anyone knows what the actual issue it. You certainly don't. Why would you make a thread about a party then say it's a red herring? Your whole question was about the party and whether you should tell the other parents.

The comments about these 3 being excluded were made in school.

Loli.

I don't understand why your post's have been so agressive towards me .

I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm trying to work out what if anything I should do with this really sensitive topic.

My personal views are that we are all responsible for the society we live in, we can all ask our DC to be kind, don't leave some one alone, and so on.
If it was my school I wouldn't hesitate to put out a kind reminder to uphold our Christian values,

Treat others as you would expect to be treated.

Remind your DC to treat every one in their class with kindness.

Blah blah.

I don't expect every child to be invited to parties but an all class party I would.

I wouldn't want my child to be casually talking about others being excluded etc

This is happening in the school.

Forget school doing an assembly.
Your child is about 8, at a 2 form entry primary. That means they all know each other. And yet, you don’t know who B and C are. Which means, your daughter doesn’t include them. So maybe have a little 1:1 parenting instead of group school assembly about why she doesn’t include them?

Loli I mentioned in my first post that I know one mum should I mention it to her.

I also state in my second post that I don't think the venue could hold both classes but it's the attitude.

I said ‘fair enough’ because you never mentioned in your OP that your DD had SEN and it changed the whole picture, but you saying it was only mild was the ‘fair enough’ comment I made ffs.

Anyway your OP started off as a WHOLE CLASS being invited except the 3 DS with SEN (which is obviously horrible) but now it turns out it’s 2 classes with different DC being invited so not necessarily just the SEN DC. It also started off as the issue about the party but now it turns into DC whispering and talking about the 3 SEN DC, 2 of whom you don’t even know.

Make your mind up is this about a, b, c, x or j, k, l?

@Testina