I've just been a monumental b**lend. Please hold my hand.

[Melsuleenia]

Need kind words. I'm such a wanker at times.

Moved into new flat in March. Just got broadband. All good. It goes offline.

Spend 30 mins on the phone to the provider. Hilarity endues as he goes through the diagnostics.

Very kind man gets me to check the socket. I'd had an EPIC row with my parents the night before. I thought I had unplugged the phone. Oh no, I'd unplugged the router and forgotten.

I'm a post grad physicist. And I can't even work out how to remove the landlines and keep the router plugged in.

I'm actually cringing writing this.

Can you share your epic fail moments so I don't feel quite as much of a tosser?

Thank you and please.

We wanted to replace some kitchen unit doors. They were white gloss. When they arrived, they looked terrible. All scratched with marks all over them.

DH came in and hit the roof when he saw them. (They weren't cheap). Tried to ring the company, couldn't get through. Emailed them and we waited for a reply.
We were both so mad about it.

The company replied and asked us had we removed the protective film?
😆

Glad it's not just me!

Was talking to my mum, getting in a right panic telling her how I couldn't find my phone anywhere, until she asked "so how are you talking to me?" Yep, was holding the phone I couldn't find.

Years ago, I was teaching a group of new riders how to tack up. It was winter, so the synthetic were pretty stiff. Yep, my hand slipped and I punched myself hard in the face. Gave myself a nosebleed and had a black eye for ages. My poor students were horrified.

Same job, trying to assess a cut on a horse's leg in not very good light. Bend down with the headtorch so I can see better, ask said horse to pick his leg up and promptly smash myself in the eyebrow with his knee. Had a black eye on the other side that time.

I once reached into my car & pulled the accelerator pedal instead of the bonnet catch release. I have no idea why. Something accelerator-y disconnected & I had to call out the RAC. Nobody could quite believe what I'd done - or stop laughing about it.

I recently sent quite a stroppy email to my manager, basically telling her off about an issue affecting a colleague (something my manager should have fixed about 2 years ago). I copied in my ENTIRE DEPARTMENT.

Whoops. The entire team was like 👀

But the issue was miraculously fixed by that afternoon so...

When I worked in IT support, one of the first questions we asked was - can you check that the plug is pushed fully into the socket? Because all of the plug sockets in our offices were on the floor under the desks and people would just kick them loose, or even kick the plug right out of the socket without realising. I did it myself a couple of times 🫢 People did think we were being sarky but it happened a lot.

Seriously, these are the kind of questions we liked because once you’ve identified the problem, the answer to it was easy!

I’ve been known to put my contact lenses in when I can’t remember where I’ve put my glasses, if they’re not within easy reach I literally can’t see them. Or my prescription sunglasses which looks great in December 😎

Honestly op... this was very boring. Is that really a bad thing in your life? Jesus... I once spent two days trying to convince a heroin addict to give up drugs. That was stupid.

This was... a common or garden silly moment.

Yup. I’ve done this. Twice.

Stayed at a hotel and booked accommodation with 2 rooms.

Got there and there was one main room and a closed door, both hubby and I tried the door and it seemed locked.

We assumed we had been given the wrong room, went to the office to ask about what had happened as we only had a one bedroom with one bed (needed an extra for my daughter).

Turns out the door was just a bit stiff and we just had to push it a little bit to open it into the other bedroom. We assumed it ran in to another room and didn't want to rattle/push it as we didn't want to scare the people in the 'other room'.

Felt so stupid lol.

Stressed almost to breaking point, I attempted to top-up a tea urn . . . with water from the tea urn. The new girl watched me do it twice without a word. She later said she thought it was some kind of catering trick to kind of 'stir up' the water and avoid limescale build-up.

Oh my - that's SO true!! I'm looking at myself here.. 🌹

And yet you still found time to comment on a thread that a lot of people are enjoying. We can only thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule of important things to do to share your wisdom.

Ha! My colleague once "replied all" to an email about an office party with something like "I'm not going if that twat of our boss is going". She hadn't noticed that his email was also included. He never said anything about it which was punishment in itself!

About hundred years ago I called an engineer out because my typewriter wasn't working. Took him about ten seconds to find the pen that had been dropped into it 😳

Not me but my grandad
he rode his bike up to York hospital to see his newborn grandsons and parked his bike outside
went in,did the usual fussing and came out-no bike
went back in and told the staff,who came out to look and rang the police (back in the days when the police gave a stuff)
they took a statement and the staff rang him a taxi to take him home
got in the taxi-it drove round to go out of the exit and just outside another exit was his bike-where he’d left it to go in

my dad-he’s not one for shopping at all but his work stopped doing the free boots so he had to buy some for himself
he went into the shop,chose the ones he wanted and paid
the lady asked if he wanted to try them on and he said no-if they where a size 9 then they’d fit and he left
got home and his foot just wouldn’t go in them so he took them back-getting more and more annoyed at the fact he had to enter a shop again
stood there,ranting away that a size 9 should mean a 9 when the lady came out,took one look and pulled the ball of paper out from the toes of the boot
my dad snatched the boots up,wished her a good day and stomped out

I only eat breakfast if I’m going to work
every morning I put the bread in the toaster and every morning I panic that it’s broken
nope,it’s because my partner turns it off at the plug (never anything else-just the toaster)
its been 6 years of the same toaster

At least when there are threads like this in the future you'll be able to reminisce about the time you failed to spot a thread was lighthearted and posted something silly.

Still hooting at these.
Second dickhead moment springs to mind, me and the late OH used to make Christmas puddings every year in the house with the Rayburn. Rayburns are bugger-all use for boiling water, so steaming puddings is a non starter - we did most of our day to day heating up of things on a little two-ring boiling plate on the other side of the kitchen, next to the sink and the washing machine and the fridge.
Anyway we do the puddings, six hour steam, and shortly afterwards the washing machine starts to trip the house circuits.
Repairman comes out and looks at the dripping wet plug and says, "do you often have a problem with condensation in here?"

We left the thing to dry out for a few days, and he never charged us a penny.

When Dh was a new driver many years he was given a car. The first time he parked in a car park he had to wait two hours for the car in front to drive away as he couldn't figure out how to put it in reverse 😆
It was one of those you had to lift a bit under the gearstick to put into reverse!

About 11 years ago DH spent ages on the phone to our Credit Card provider as there was a fairly big transaction on the account that he didn't recognise.

Spent ages whilst the guy worked out where the transaction took place, narrowed down the geography of the shop etc.

Dawned on DH at about the same time as the store was identified that the transaction was us buying the fuck off TV we had bought the minth before. That he was sat watching on silent whilst making the call.....

Awkward.

If this is your first time living alone it’s fine! I remember doing things like this normally the electrician man thought bless her- women!

@ClarissaD You win the thread. Overabundance of wine.

When we had an apartment in France the hot water wasn't working. The security light came on every time we turned it off and then on again on the boiler. Three days of washing my hair with cold water until my mum asked if I'd put the gas on.(We barely ever used the hob and it wasn't cold enough for heating at that time.) Then I suddenly realised. I ran out to the landing where the cupboard was with all switches and sure enough, the lever was off. When we arrived I had been so distracted by the lady next door talking to me I'd only turned the electricity on. So I turned it on and I said "Try it now!" Sure enough it worked...we were on the verge of calling the plumber as well!

When I worked in a hospital I went to turn the meal trolleys off on one side of the hospital and I went into a ward kitchen and stood there for a few minutes trying to figure out what was wrong here, what I wasn't seeing until the door opened and a colleague told me that the trolley hadn't been working properly so it being heated up downstairs in the kitchens. I had been staring at an empty space and a brick wall. The trolleys were massive things so a bit hard to miss!

I was in France and I went into a shop there and found a nice dress in the sale. Tried it on but it was too small so I wasn't going to buy it. When I came to take it off the zip was stuck! It wouldn't budge at all so in the end the lady manning the changing rooms had to use pliers! She was so lovely about it as I stood there apologising constantly! I was so embarrassed and I later realised that that store the sizes run a size smaller and I already knew this, so I had picked up the size below mine in the first place. Every time I walked in there after that I always felt a little embarrassed if she was working!