The weird world of MN…

[Leobynature]

I am frequent visitor on MN but sometimes it feels like another world, examples include

• being told to LTB because he ate the kids chocolate, comments included selfish, abuser and narcissist
• you are not allowed to ask grandparents for childcare but equally fume silently when they don’t offer *everyone earns £100k per year
• everyone kids are in a vast amount of out of school activities. Screen time is frowned upon *parents give them a vast amount of money for house deposits *you are expected to pay for your kids until they are way into adulthood but don’t expect them to visit you in old age
• There is a huge amount of children with SEN and ASD even though they amount to only 1% of children in the population (this is not a judgement/criticism, more of an observation) *Many husbands work FT and are high earners but still should share 50% of the housework, if not LTB *husbands have a secret ‘hobby’ *all kids should have their own room and should not be expected to share.

I may need to visit with some more 😂

On the SEN, DS has high functioning SENs. Most of the class won't be aware as it's not obvious, he masks and behaves well in school, is very intelligent in some areas, and struggles in others.
I'm aware of a couple of others in the school with overlapping diagnoses that affects them in different ways to different extents. Our lives are very different and there's no one I know at at school on equal ground that I can talk to about how SENs affect our lives. I talk about it far more on MN than real life because there are people that relate. In real life, we're hiding in plain sight unless we have reason to disclose it.

Years ago when I was struggling with DS's behaviour, MN talk about SENs helped me to join DS's behaviour up into patterns and posting on the SNs board helped me to think there was a reasonable case to present to the GP for referal, and 15m later he was diagnosed.

Even at a high level of function, our lives and social world are restricted. More so for families affected by profound needs. The internet is a valuable source and outlet for families affected by SNs.

Likewise MN is a haven for people with anxiety, depression and other mental health difficulties that find the real world harder to navigate and they will be "over"represented compared to people happily cracking on with life.

I generally like MN. It's a funny old world.

There is a strong hate for London. If in doubt, move to the Midlands.

Kids with divorced parents spend their days pining for a complete family.

Everyone is SO busy they can't possibly clean their own house.

Anyone who does small things to save money (takes their own snacks with them, doesn't buy the extras on flights etc) is tight and breaking the economy.

@Squiff70

Aww, you don't like being judged back huh?

Funny that

Other people's family circumstances have fuck all to do with you yet you still saw fit to judge them

Ah nobody mentioned the magical chicken 😅
Where 1 chicken feeds a family of 8 for 3 weeks.

I saw the opposite of that one the other day. A poster who said that she cooked 3 2KG chickens to feed 5 people.

I hear a lot about the magical MN chicken but I've never seen it. Same goes for the legendary spa day.

I look at the parking threads, see them rack up 1000 posts in an afternoon, and wonder if I'm the odd one for not being gripped by parking crimes.

I wish the SN and disability aspect was something people considered before sneering about how everyone on MN says ...

My sons both have disabilities, including the often sneered at autism. They are in their 20s now. I've been on MN for must be 15 of them. At least.

I am also disabled. And in recent years, housebound due to it. I am life limited. Probably got ten years left. That's the average lifespan for someone after a dx of heart failure apparently.

I have spent a lot of time lonely. I don't go anywhere. I don't see anyone. Yes I am self employed and earn a crust that way. Online shop. I've spent 20+ years fighting for my kids and feeling so alone so is turning to the internet to seek out people who are in similar situations so hard to understand? Oh everyone's kids have sn... Yeah, sneer away. That's pretty much why we live out a half life online. Looking for support, wanting to give support, swap tips and advice, desperate to help our kids.

To reduce that to everyone's kids have autism just shows a complete lack of understanding of people's situations. It's not a joke.

mmm.... I suspect 50% of threads are fantasists & another 15% are MNHQ contrived plants. if anyone says "Should I have children?" they get huge encouragement ime, btw. I'm a rare voice saying "Your life sounds fine now & You don't sound committed, actually."

For me it's the anxiety on MN makes it weird. The "Check it out!" people who can't handle any bodily issue without affirmation by a health professional that they aren't on brink of irreparable harm. And with that, All Medical Intervention is good perspective. It's like an addiction. Or "Only the best school is good enough" brigade when I swear to God, 90% of my neighbours wouldn't dream of any school that isn't physically closest to their home. "That guy looked at me funny!" paranoid, coz God forbid other people are in their own world, too. etc.

And how every parent seems to know exactly what exam paper their child is doing

I would have thought that most parents will know what exams their DC are doing @Fuckthetories. DD has just sat her finals, and she told me what each exam was. When she was at school we had her exam timetable pinned up on the wall.

I have no idea about grades and percentages for GCSEs and A levels, except that I know what she needs to get a first, but so does everyone who has DC at university.

The only reason MN crazy / wierd threads don't drive me mad is because to balance it off I'm lucky enough to be part of nice, balanced, long-standing threads, previously years ago a Mn Post-natal thread, now A'levels.

I agree. I have found the education threads very supportive. I have progressed through them since DD was at primary school and am now on the higher education threads.

Other traits that make me an untypical mumsnetter
I like having an ensuite bathroom. It has a window and an extractor fan, and DH doesn’t make it smell at night. The loo in it is further away from our bed than the loo in the house bathroom
I’m not an introvert
I got on really well with my late MIL
I get on well with my neighbours, and count some of them as friends
I have been married for over 40 years
I love my job and get on well with my workmates and managers

Sounds incredibly tough, @IncompleteSenten. It makes complete sense, as you and others have said, that people with disabilities and parents of kids with SN will look for others with similar experiences online. And obviously MN being such a huge forum is an obvious place to look for this.

I know most GCSE exams my DD is taking by day and we have list with exam boards on the fridge, but I haven't memorised them!
I'm sure my own mum didn't have the faintest idea, (I don't even know if I knew in advance)

And the wide-eyed posts about how their primary age DS just loves wearing his floral tutu and plays with dolls and how outrageous it is that the school have stopped him expressing his individuality instead of wearing a uniform.

It should be obvious why a parenting website will attract more parents with SEN children than you'd find in a random offline cross-section of society.

You should never use a toilet brush and if you have one you are disgusting! You should instead put your hands down the toilet to scrub it with toilet paper so as not to leave skiddoes behind.

I literally don't know anyone who thinks like that. I am personally the proud owner of two bog brushes - one in the upstairs bathroom and one in the downstairs toilet.

Actually, I quite like the batshitness of this place sometimes. 🤣

You must never dress your sons in male clothing or encourage them to play football, and don't even think about buying your daughter a dress and shock horror, a Barbie doll!!
Never admit to reading the Daily Mail ( you clearly do as you post so many DM links)
It is compulsory for your MIL to be a complete arsehole
Your are exploitative if you employ a ukrainian/Polish/minority ethnic cleaner and pay them market rate or above
Pretend you don't vote Tory
Like hell you don't 🤣🤣🤣

Oh god yes, the 10 year olds that are doing their own laundry…. like hell they are!!!

Mother In Laws.
I've had 2 and am 1.
I loved both of mine ( one was step MIL), they gave me wonderful advice and support and would have died for my children. I was heartbroken when each one died.
I also love my DIL, I am in awe of her humanity, common sense, talents and commitment to my son and I'm incredibly proud of the life they have made together.
Reading MN you would think I was a statistical anomaly on parr with a unicorn.

Step-mothers should always put their DSC's wants and needs ahead of any other DC in the family. To not do so means that the SM "obviously hates" her DSC and should leave immediately.

Oh, and the number of posters who left home at 16 and were completely independent and self sufficient.

I don't know of any landlord who would rent to a 16 year old, let alone one without a guarantor.

And the posters whose DC miraculously turn into responsible and mature adults one minute after their 18th birthday.

Oh god yeah and everyone shops for their girls in the boys departments, although buying new clothes

*argh posted to soon!

...although buying new clothes for children is a waste and so they must only be bought in bundles from ebay 2 sizes larger than required to last them for longer.

If anyone criticises certain two membes of the royal family, the critic is r.....

You know what, I quite like that

Because it’s something that is very often dismissed, ignored or not now by women (or their GP). If that means we have less women left struggling because they’ve been checked, then that’s good for me!

Richer posters post more definitely. I live in a wealthy area and mumsnet often is my reality. Someone upthread asks why there aren't many posts about the costs of living crisis - it's because wealthier people aren't really affected by it. They are still going on holiday, employing cleaners and painting with F&B paint.

I think the majority of posters are older too. And I think the posters who can be bothered to post are the ones with extreme experiences and/or opinions. I find the dog board one of the most extreme examples. irl I don't meet anyone like that or know any dog owners who are like that. I even dare to have a cockapoo and no one minds at all.

I have no idea about the huge preponderance of anxiety disorders, people who won't answer doors and all the secret hobbies. Where I live, everyone's partners just rides bike in lyrca and they're all open about it.

And how every parent seems to know exactly what exam paper their child is doing

Thats pretty normal no?
dc1 has his time table for his A levels on the calendar in the kitchen. It helps me organising lunches and see how is where when. And then we talk about our day and how things went? I mean like we normally do anyway?