The weird world of MN…

[Leobynature]

I am frequent visitor on MN but sometimes it feels like another world, examples include

• being told to LTB because he ate the kids chocolate, comments included selfish, abuser and narcissist
• you are not allowed to ask grandparents for childcare but equally fume silently when they don’t offer *everyone earns £100k per year
• everyone kids are in a vast amount of out of school activities. Screen time is frowned upon *parents give them a vast amount of money for house deposits *you are expected to pay for your kids until they are way into adulthood but don’t expect them to visit you in old age
• There is a huge amount of children with SEN and ASD even though they amount to only 1% of children in the population (this is not a judgement/criticism, more of an observation) *Many husbands work FT and are high earners but still should share 50% of the housework, if not LTB *husbands have a secret ‘hobby’ *all kids should have their own room and should not be expected to share.

I may need to visit with some more 😂

Everyone who is over 60 and is being difficult or nasty has dementia. Nope, they are difficult and nasty because they always have been, you didn't notice it before but now as an adult you do.

All internet forums have their internal cultures and idiosyncrasies. All of them were better X years ago.

I take regular breaks from MN because certain elements do annoy me. With that said, I still think it's one of the better sites I've known. It's known for being mostly female, so for that alone it'll always attract a certain number of MRAs and other assorted idiots who are outraged about a space where female interests are centred.

It's the endless moralising that tends to do me in, but that's still better than the threats and abuse I've seen elsewhere.

I don't know, I think crying about a child being killed is within the realms of normal if that's what you're referring to. I find those who come on those kind of threads to complain about it much worse.

My favourites are:

• Politely asking for shoes off is inhospitable. Even if your host is welcoming and cooks dinner, nope. It's cold and unfeeling to not want dirt trodden in your house - but oh errr it's ok when non-British people do it...

• people insisting they know your life better than you. Especially anyone under 25 being a parent. It's just unbelievable you could have even have GCSEs, and people disputing that there are so many young mums. They stay 18 forever, people grow older.

• yabu to use parents for childcare even if they want to, and don't want to be paid. Yabu for not inviting grandparents round either.

• and nobody's partner watches porn. I'm not wishing I'll on anybody but there's actually no way for you to definitively know, especially if you tell you'll husband you'll divorce him if he does, hardly going to be leaving a trail of crumbs.

A influx of incels, MRA's, pickmes and tradwives who are here to gaslight posters and tell them they are "rude" for asserting their boundaries.

Yep, this place is definitely getting weird.

As an older teen I got a job in a private day nursery working in the baby room. We had babies as young as 6 weeks old FULL TIME. I thought it wad odd then (20+ years ago) and now I'm a mum of a toddler with another baby on the way I find it even weirder now. Why have a baby if you never see them except at weekends? You will miss all their big milestones - their first smile, first steps, a lot of the weaning and teaching them the basics. It makes me really sad for the child as well who would have been better off forming close attachments with their parents, siblings and wider family.

this kind of bullshit really gets my hackles up. Some of us have other obligations, wants and needs and being one of those judgypants about how other people live their lives isn't helpful. It makes you look like a judgemental twat who must be in pain having hoiked up their judgypants right into their crack.
Same goes for people going on and on and on about SAHP being leeches, setting themselves up for a fall* etc etc. It is tediously nauseating.

*having said that: advice to potential or current SAHP to review their situation and ensure they aren't being financially abused, claiming child benefit etc to keep NI contributions up to date etc etc.

To be fair to all the parents of autistic kids and women with autistic husbands, I do think it's likely that you see a far higher percentage of us on here than in real life, because it can be hard to socialise if your child or husband seems odd or difficult to the normal people around you. So we tend to get quite insular and MN is a way of socialising instead of face to face. Also, people with children who have endless challenges are far more likely to post than mothers of fairly straightforward children, so there will be a bias towards autistic families being over represented here.

There seem to be a fair number of people who claim to hate MN yet are always here. They're usually fuming that someone has said something mean/accurate about Boris Johnson, and they wang on about how awful and woke and leftie everyone on MN is. And yet they always come back...

The amount of posters who've had some interaction with a random person on the street, and feel the need to ask the internet randoms who was right in that situation. Cue a long debate whether they were or were not BU.

And there'll always be some weirdo on those threads who'll pick the side of complete unreasonable-ness.

Politely asking for shoes off is inhospitable. Even if your host is welcoming and cooks dinner, nope.

What I always like about this one is how these people will always declare it "the height of rudeness" to ask for shoes off in the house, but will go on to hurl insults over it, possibly even swearing and name calling. That's the height of politeness!

It's really a Witchhunt on this site, and reporting posts except for racism or spam should be banned

alb0 so bullying a poster shouldn’t be reported?
I dread to think what would happen if reporting was only permitted for the reasons you give. It would become a massive free for all.

This is very true. It can't be that bad or they wouldn't be on MN commenting, or getting wound up by it all.
The threads from relative newbies telling MNHQ what's wrong with the site make me laugh too, how it needs to be like every other site and where's the Like button etc.

You can guarantee if someone starts a thread 'How much alcohol do you drink?' there is always one poster who says ' I only drink a thimbleful when my husband's birthday coincides with a lunar eclipse. I really do not understand why people drink alcohol.'

Yaawwwwwn.

This might be controversial, but on here everyone’s ex is “abusive”.

don’t get me wrong, some are and there are some horrible stories. But I often think that in the same way it seems every man has a “crazy” ex, every woman has an “abusive” ex

You need more than just a pinch of salt when reading most posts on here. I’ve worked for over 40 years, in various roles, know lots of different people, few (if any) earn more than the national average, none have cleaners and only one has a child with SEN. And then there’s the co-sleeping! As for the LTB, there are a lot of unhappy women on here (of course it’s never their fault their relationship ended - and obviously I don’t include the abusive cockwombles in this), but a lot of the encouragement to ltb is them wanting people to be as miserable as they appear it seems.
You rarely just get someone in an average house, earning 23K (me), no cleaner (as if!!!). The’ve all got masters degrees and earn 6 figure salaries (funny how they spend most of the day on the tinternet).
btw, I’m on lunch.

You must never answer the door at night (or in the daytime), as every caller is a potential axe-murderer.
You must never allow a tradesman to use your loo!
These are absolute rules carrying the penalty of ridicule on Mumsnet.

It is another world, surely? There are people from all the different background. And people tends to socialise with people from similar background irl. So, that's one of the reason that MN is a good place, we can see the perspective of the people we don't normally come across.

Further to my last comment I also can think of several other times people have knocked unannounced: a neighbour knocked three times in one hour whilst I was trying to sleep on night duty and pressured me to let her in so she could photograph my new bathroom and living room as she was going to bathroom showrooms that day and my house was the same shape as hers and she wanted ideas. Flattering maybe but I barely knew her and I didn't have time to clean it before she took pictures on her phone.

Also a male friend that had a crush on me knocked a few times unannounced (once with chocs) once when my boyfriend was round - might seem nice but he knew full well I had a boyfriend.

There are other examples over the years and I know people who've had awful things happen to them too.

All these people I find were being rude knocking for those reasons without warning and it fits well on this thread actually as it's surreal for me that so many mumsnetters have such different views.
They don't seem to realise we all live amongst dangerous, manipulative and rude people and paint it on that thread like we all live in pretty villages with neighbours
knocking with jars of homemade jam.

One person on the thread related to door knocking even said "a world of people who don't answer their doors is a world I don't want to live in'. I mean God I accept not everyone's life experiences are the same but surely they could understand a little bit
why that might be and the judgment cast on us was like WOW!

Also I currently answer my mobile phone, work phone, home emails, work emails, texts, Whatsapp messages and letters and see people face to face constantly. Am I supposed to also be answering my door for cheeky people too?!
RANT OVER!

So, that's one of the reason that MN is a good place, we can see the perspective of the people we don't normally come across

Or absolutely refuse to more likely.

Yes the thimble of alcohol people and the no big deal over a bottle of wine a night opposing groups seem split 50/50 on MN.

A harp 😂

Any older person who is rude, curmudgeonly or difficult must have 'early onset dementia'.

There is a huge amount of children with SEN and ASD even though they amount to only 1% of children in the population (this is not a judgement/criticism, more of an observation)

Perhaps these are more prevalent on MN than you'd encounter in real life precisely because it's less common and parents of children with SEN are looking for a support group they can unload their feelings of being overwhelmed and ask for some practical support/suggestions/ideas/strategies/handholds

Or they are a Karen.

You forgot

everyone earns £100k per year
but tiny mortgages

* parents give them a vast amount of money for house deposits*

but it's entitled to ask for help or expect an inheritance

Everyone's dc are stunning & over 6ft 😆