The weird world of MN…

[Leobynature]

I am frequent visitor on MN but sometimes it feels like another world, examples include

• being told to LTB because he ate the kids chocolate, comments included selfish, abuser and narcissist
• you are not allowed to ask grandparents for childcare but equally fume silently when they don’t offer *everyone earns £100k per year
• everyone kids are in a vast amount of out of school activities. Screen time is frowned upon *parents give them a vast amount of money for house deposits *you are expected to pay for your kids until they are way into adulthood but don’t expect them to visit you in old age
• There is a huge amount of children with SEN and ASD even though they amount to only 1% of children in the population (this is not a judgement/criticism, more of an observation) *Many husbands work FT and are high earners but still should share 50% of the housework, if not LTB *husbands have a secret ‘hobby’ *all kids should have their own room and should not be expected to share.

I may need to visit with some more 😂

Competitive underspending on food while 10k holidays are normal.

Oddly though, I once got blasted for saying 50k income was comfortable not rich...

Don't forget to never admit you're a SAHM;this according to MN's means you shouldn't ever expect your DH to lift a finger at any point because he's a brave soldier with a job.

Also as above but don't confess to being a SAHM and unmarried too.

Yes, it's completely different to my reality.

I don't have big boobs
I don't hate ironing
I don't hate going to the hairdresser
I don't hate summer
I always answer the front door or the phone
I have made some of my friends through work
I don't let people walk all over me
DH doesn't have a "hobby"

I realise that a lot of people only post because they have issues, so it does skew the perception of your typical mumsnetter.

The same one that said the double of 500k was 1000k , it technically is like, but, I'm sure there is another name for it 🤔😂

The husband's secret hobby, which the OP can't possibly reveal because it will be too outing, always turnd out to be cycling.

The children of MNetters eat huge quantities of food, especially in their packed lunch at school and yet, the MNetters themselves couldn't possibly eat more than 1/8 of a chicken breast in one sitting. Their weekly food shop averages at £1.67.

Also mental health is treated horrifically on here. Apparently its super easy to cure and its your own fault if your not receiving help. Even though waiting lists for therapy are horrendous and not all meds help. But they don't deserve love or compassion.

Oh and I'm apparently a drain on society because I chose public transport over driving.

It's simple, really. There are two types of people on any forum. Type 1 will use if for entertainment-whether that is finding people they think are cringe-worthy to laugh at their posts and comments or even to cruelly bait them, or to post their own fantasy stories or windups. Type 2 are people who are genuinely in search of community and support. A little of group 1 keeps the place a bit spicy but when they outnumber group 2, the forum starts to fall apart. That's what you're seeing happening with MN in real time.

Yes, it's completely different to my reality

i think that's part of the joy of MN, read a post and thinking I don't know anyone that bonkers in RL and thank goodness for that.

I also believe there's a MASSIVE stigma against single parents on here. I've noticed a gargantuan difference in the interest & support towards posters who mention they're a lone parent, in comparison to a poster with a spouse. Even if said spouse is absolutely feckless and brings nothing to OP's life! It's as if people (both on & off MN) secretly believe that us single parents have chosen this set up!
I was widowed. Unfortunately even if real life as I'm not quite middle aged & still in (at the higher end of) the 'young-ish' category, whenever I'm required to point out that I'm a single parent, it's very, very obviously & clearly presumed that the father has either disappeared or shared custody.
On MN however, I can practically hear them all either clicking straight off my thread or rolling their eyes and losing interest as soon as I mention it. It's usually only moments before "And where's the father????" gets thrown at me.

Ideally you should never answer the door or the phone and shouldnt be friends or socialise with neighbours, work colleagues, school mums or most of your own family!

Everyone has a joint income of 200k and live very rurally but definitely no ensuite bathrooms allowed in your house because they are vile and grim and you might as well take a shit in the bedroom

Everything must be cooked from scratch but you must mostly exist on huge salads with a small amount of protein, a square of good quality dark chocolate once a month and thimbleful of wine at Christmas or NY but only if your partner is not drinking.

4 x 4s are either an absolute scurge on society or an absolute necessity for your rural living and the only car that can accomodate 3 children, a harp, 2 sets of hockey goalkeeper kit and a large dog.

You must wash towels and bedding twice a week, and clothes every time you've worn them, have 3 showers a day and do everything you can to save the planet.

You are very unreasonable, and entitled, to expect anyone to be interested in, or celebrate your birthday after the age of 8.

I'm always astonished at how super socially Conservative mumsnet it

I love that though! Some days I love a good cunt and fuck 😆

Yet these very same posters don't hesitate to (quite rightly) encourage an op who is being abused by their partner/spouse to leave and take the kids! Therefore making them a single parent - absolutely the correct advice, I don't dispute that, of course. However they forget about the thousands/millions of parents who are or were in that situation when they're judging single parents!

I saw one poster say once, on a thread by a lone parent "Single mothers have made their bed, they need to lie in it!!! 😡"

😳😳😳

I joined around 2016 and was a bit bemused by the short hand for writing ( dh for husband for example ) and how so many people are quick to judge you or jump on every little thing.
It's also very judgmental about stay at home mums and quick to tell people to leave their other halves without acknowledging that in the real world this is incredibly hard to do. Hardly any advice about talking it out or coming to a compromise , rarely anyway.
Some things are brilliant though and I love the politics and telly threads and some contributors are very clever and well read and I've learnt a lot too , especially about ASD and autism.
I agree that I feel poor as clearly there are many contributors with very high salaries. It is a fairly middle class forum overall, but when you get someone who knows what they are talking about it's also very informative.

So so many!

• drinking alcohol is awful and if you drink a bottle of wine over the weekend you are a raging alcoholic.
• simialrly, one parent must be sober at all times in case you need to drive a child to hospital (presumably, parents who don’t drive just let their children die)
• A large proportion of peoples husbands / kids leave poo in the bathroom.
• Asking grandparents to do any childcare is being a CF.
• Everyone despises weddings. Anything more than turning up at a registry office in jeans is a huge waste of money and a terrible day that all the guests detest.
• On style and beauty - skinny jeans are passé and make you look old.

"My partner is struggling to maintain an erection during sex"

"It must be porn addictions and death grip..................or he is gay"

"It could be stress related"

"No, its definitely porn addiction..........or he is gay"

"Pretty sure he does not use porn and he is not gay"

"ALL men use porn, every single one, all the time and they all grip their cocks like the fist of an angry god....and he is probably gay"

"Is he diabetic or overweight, suffers from anxiety or a heavy smoker"

"NOOOO, he is a gay porn addicted death gripping selfish arsehole....you are being abused OP, you just don't know it yet, I would get your ducks in a row, get copies of all documents, pension details and house deeds, open a secret bank account and get a free 30 mins consultation with a solicitor"

<20 mins later>

"Have you left yet OP?"

@Fuckthetories I knew someone was going to ask that! A quick 5 minutes on page 1 of the baby names board:

Ottilie
Wren
Romilly
Tabitha (unless you count cats)

Elias
Casper
Atticus
...until very recently Arlo, but I have now come across one

never come across these in real life!

There is a huge amount of children with SEN and ASD even though they amount to only 1% of children in the population

I’m sure there’s a report from the DfE that says about 15% of school aged children have SEN.

It's not the only site where the world portrayed is not typical.

I hate how you can’t ask about anything to do with buying/breeding cats and dogs. You’re disgusting if you go to a professional, expensive breeding kennels because they’re making money out of animals wombs. Apparently every single other breeder in existence is definitely a backyard breeder. It’s only acceptable to get a cat or dog if you’re lucky enough that some animal shelter decides you’re worthy enough to take in some abused/neglected animal with a (likely) unknown background that no one wants anymore. But only if the rescue is in the uk because any other rescue is also unacceptable 🙄

Ok so the SEN thing - it’s lonely being a parent with a child that has additional
needs, really lonely. You have to learn to accept that your child is not the same as others, that their path may be significantly harder. You have to fight tooth and nail for every little scrap of support that they need. And you also have to deal with the judgement of other people who don’t know your child, and who assume therefore that they are being naughty, when actually they are overwhelmed and struggling. It’s isolating and it’s hard. So maybe it’s not surprising that we tend to congregate online where at last we might actually find some other parents who get it. Although tbh I find that many of the posts on here make me feel worse because there’s so much ableism (not this post op btw) - such as a poster describing a teacher as ‘suffering’ a child with SEN recently. So there’s that.

But yes, there are certainly plenty of posts that give me a crazy pills feeling.

This made me crack up.

Have you come over here from Tattle the website that must not be mentioned? You're my kind of people. This website is bonkers and the vast majority is made up bullshit at times.

If this was true then why do all those types of threads typically descend into massive bunfights and loads of judging?

If they were everyone's views and everyone's realities then all threads on Mumsnet would be filled with me too, yes I agree, that's how we are, you're absolutely right .

The fact that that is not the case proves your claim incorrect, surely?

Extraordinary amount of anxiety which regularly goes "through the roof" (favourite phrase) and seems to stop people taking the most straightforward steps to resolve relatively simple problems. I fully recognise that genuine anxiety is awful, but what people regularly claim to have on here doesn't tend to sound genuine.