The weird world of MN…

[Leobynature]

I am frequent visitor on MN but sometimes it feels like another world, examples include

• being told to LTB because he ate the kids chocolate, comments included selfish, abuser and narcissist
• you are not allowed to ask grandparents for childcare but equally fume silently when they don’t offer *everyone earns £100k per year
• everyone kids are in a vast amount of out of school activities. Screen time is frowned upon *parents give them a vast amount of money for house deposits *you are expected to pay for your kids until they are way into adulthood but don’t expect them to visit you in old age
• There is a huge amount of children with SEN and ASD even though they amount to only 1% of children in the population (this is not a judgement/criticism, more of an observation) *Many husbands work FT and are high earners but still should share 50% of the housework, if not LTB *husbands have a secret ‘hobby’ *all kids should have their own room and should not be expected to share.

I may need to visit with some more 😂

MN don’t believe that everything available to them isn’t available everywhere as standard. For instance the primary schools near me do zero wrap round care. Mine would do breakfast club for a random week or an after school activity for half a term for 10 kids. That was it.
For most people getting an au pair or a nanny isn’t an option. I’ve literally never met anyone who has had one. Using a sixth former as after school care is not considered by everyone a good choice.

That there isn’t usable public transport everywhere. I mentioned once to get somewhere I drive to in 20 minutes. Would take me at least 90 minutes on the bus and I was told that was impossible (and shows how most people don’t know how bus routes work).

That lots of people don’t have overnight childcare available to them (including me) so I can’t just go off to a wedding 200 miles away that’s adult only etc.

I always find it strange when someone complains avout their parents/inlaws not being interested in their DC and loads of people jump on to say 'well they have raised their children they are not obliged to care about your DC' etc. like it is somehow normal for grandparents not to love their grandchildren and not want to be involved in their lives. Unless there is some sort of abuse/neglect in the past I would think that it is perfectly normal for grandparents to care about their grandchildren and it's also perfectly normal for someone to be upset that their parents aren't interested in their DC.

Also yeah the answering the door thing.

Also the constant 'where's the father in all this' questions. I posted ages on a thread ages ago (under another name) about swimming changing rooms and how it was hard to change my DC (boy and girl) because DS was getting too old to go into the womens changing room but I felt to young to be himself in the male changing room and omg 'where is the dad why can't he take them why does it have to be you just because you are a woman' - ffs swimming lessons are on the day I finish early and DH works late, can't move our days and can't move the lessons. He does clubs on my later nights. Not every parenting issue in the world is due to lazy dads.

According to MN it is completely normal to hear your teenaged child have sex while you're at home. You shouldn't bat an eyelid and simply carry on playing with your toddler /chatting to your friend/watching the telly or whatever it is you are just doing.

Competitive cleanliness. Any thread which asks something like "How often do you wash your towels/spring clean/dust" etc attracts pages of responses from people excoriating those who do any less as minging and "vile". I must admit to a bit of schadenfreude about the fuel bills that the daily towel washers must now be receiving.

Mind you, there is a healthy core of people who never iron and think there are more important things than an immaculately clean and tidy house, so I think there's hope for us.

Everybody has 2 dishwashers 🤨

Whilst it is amusingly unhinged at times, I do wonder if certain pressure groups or agencies infiltrate some topics to help sway public opinion. I read everything with a pinch of salt.

One thing I have noticed recently is how little space in the Trending threads box the current cost of living situation has. I keep expecting to see mega threads of discontent from those massively affected and yet they never seem to take off…

I saw a post last week where someone changed their clothes 5 times a day, and showers 3 times daily. And said "isn't that what most people do?" Err, nope

I know what you mean - you have to wonder if a lot of what you read on here is genuine. But, on the SN/ASD point, I think people with children with issues are more likely to be online, looking for answers and explanations - there is often little support in real life and it can be a very isolating experience, depending on your child's behaviour.

For you @Sparklingbrook

I’m not a parent but I feel sorry for SAHMs when they come on here looking for advice they get told they must go out to work as otherwise they have lost their independence, financial independence and identity.

You must be crazy to allow your partner to rule your life by being the main breadwinner oh and apparently when your a stay at home mum your partner will eventually leave you and you will be left with nothing!

Not all families can afford nursery’s and don’t have support so I do feel sorry for the berating they get on here!

There was a thread on here a while ago with a mum having to decide to work or SAH and the poor woman got so many comments that’s she was mad for even considering SAH

Being a SAHP is just as rewarding as working, if you leave your job or lose your job you will be easily replaced, your child needs to for most of his/her life and being there when your needed is just as important if not more important than working!

yes working adds another dimension to your life but I’d give up work in a heartbeat if I had children and could afford to be off

The armchair psychology on MN boggles my mind. Posters can't seem to accept that other people can be rude, selfish and unpleasant - they have to seek out a label for the behaviour. They then ascribe everything to that label.

Posters’ inability to address any problems annoys me too. ‘Ooh, I can’t cope with confrontation so I’ll just be a total wet lettuce and let people walk all over me’, then post 2000 words loaded with angsty hand-wringing on how they can avoid having to address a problem.

I really dislike the sneery dismissal of MN as a bunch of wimmins talking but fucking hell, a lot of the posts on here really don’t do MN or women any favours.

There is no grey area where illegality is concerned.

Stealing a grape from the fruit and veg aisle is the same as holding up a bank.

This reminds me of a thread where the OP had bought her husband a shirt, then the shirt turned up in the post, cleaned, with note with something like "thank you honeyx"

Everyone thought he was cheating and this was the other woman send thing the shirt back, which to be honest made sense. It turned out he liked the shirt so much he bought another idendtical one, the sellers name on ebay was the honeyx

Even after the ebay account had been checked out, the story proven true and OP has said she had no reason other than this to ever doubt her husband there were still so many calls of LTB becasue there's abviously something going on if you were suspicious!

I have been to MN meet ups. Most women were working call or lower middle class. It is very different from the impression given online.

It's a world where "being hormonal" excuses anything. You have to wonder how female barristers, doctors, pilots etc manage - do they have superhuman control of their hormones or something?

MIL’s are evil conniving lying cheating devil incarnate. Any and all comments have deep ulterior motives.

This made me laugh as so true.

I have been to MN meet ups. Most women were working call or lower middle class. It is very different from the impression given online.

I see this place more like a written version of facebook with people more likely to project perfect versions of themselves and their family.

I was always puzzled by contradiction by some posters on here who seem to live on this site, often doling out relationship advice on every thread and I am left thinking 'what is your relationship like, you are literally posting all day every day on here', if I were your partner I would be pretty annoyed that you are spending all your time gazing at your screen.

The competitive undereating and healthy eating claims on here bears no resemblance to real life.

• Mumsnet users: only eat cake at a birthday party or as a special treat. Fair amount of posters eat only one or two meals a day, or fast for 16 hours.

• Real life: virtually everyone in the supermarket has at least one or two sweet treat items in their trolley. Going out for coffee and cake is a pretty standard occurrence. Normally eats three meals plus some snacks each day.

That place is dying a death.

I don't have a cleaner but I can only think of one other friend in the town I live who doesn't have one.

I couldn't agree more. As an older teen I got a job in a private day nursery working in the baby room. We had babies as young as 6 weeks old FULL TIME. I thought it wad odd then (20+ years ago) and now I'm a mum of a toddler with another baby on the way I find it even weirder now. Why have a baby if you never see them except at weekends? You will miss all their big milestones - their first smile, first steps, a lot of the weaning and teaching them the basics. It makes me really sad for the child as well who would have been better off forming close attachments with their parents, siblings and wider family.

I realise we don't live in a perfect world and that some parents need to work sooner than they would like after having a baby out of necessity - moreso now due to the cost of living, however this was a private nursery charging around £120 for four hours. 20 years ago that was a lot more money than it is now, so I do wonder what jobs the parents had to be able to afford full time childcare for newborn babies upwards and why it was so important to have their tiny babies being cared for by others for 8+ hours a day, several days a week.

None of my friends have cleaners. Some of them are cleaners

I hope you're talking about a child's birthday party? Any adult having a birthday party is an entitled diva who shouldnt expect any of their friends or family to want to go to a party, or even remember it's their birthday!

OP: I'm thinking of buying a penthouse apartment in Manhattan. Any advice?
MN: I think you'll find your money goes a lot further in Penge.