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Original poster

Colleague is super weird about my pregnancy?

108 replies

newbluecurtains · 09/06/2022 20:18

NCd as my other posts could be outing and don't want to start drama at work!

For context, I'm 25 weeks pregnant, I rarely ever bring it up at work as I don't want to be an annoying person that just talks about my pregnancy all the time. But occasionally I need to bring it up eg. if I will be out for a morning for our 20 week scan where we will find out the gender. When I came back every colleague I saw was excited to ask about the gender and she didn't say a word to me.

If I ever do mention anything - eg. the first time the baby kicked at work, I was excited! She will literally ignore me. The other day I bent down to pick something up off the floor and I got a really sharp pain. I sort of sucked in my breath in pain, held still for a minute, then straightened up slowly. We were the only people in the room and she was stood right next to me as we had been talking, she said nothing. I then said 'oh that really hurt', she walked away.

I think these are the only times I've ever brought up my pregnancy myself. Other colleagues regularly ask me how it's going, if we've thought of names, etc, normal small talk, but she has never once mentioned anything to do with it. It's not that I think others HAVE to ask about my pregnancy, but it's to the point that it's weird to never once say anything - particularly when she knows I've just come from a scan or I'm in pain literally in front of her. If another colleague has asked me about it in front of her, she will step in to change the subject while I'm answering their question, sometimes literally interrupting me to change the subject.

Not sure why I'm posting just...it's weird? She's older than me (in her 50s) with 2 children of her own. It's not just that she's not interested (I don't expect anyone to be!) it's that it seems to actively irritate her. Why??

OP posts:

WWYD3 · 09/06/2022 20:20

Maybe she's had a loss? Maybe she faced fertility challenges after having her two? Maybe she's just not interested?

I wouldn't worry about it

Tothepoint99 · 09/06/2022 20:51

Got to say I would probably be the same and I'm pregnant! I wouldn't be rude and interrupt a conversation etc but I don't assume anyone cares as much about my baby or pregnancy as I do.

There are so many different people with so many different contexts in an office. Don't assume any of them care unless it's obvious they do rather than the other way round.

Moancup · 09/06/2022 21:03

You do not need to tell all your colleagues that you’re off for your 20 week scan - at most you need to tell a line manager why you’re absent.

I also think it’s extremely unusual to tell colleagues that you can feel the baby kicking.

I’ve found it weird that colleagues I barely know will ask me out of the blue if I know the sex etc. Everyone has different boundaries.

Interested in this thread?

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Antarcticant · 09/06/2022 21:06

Perhaps she is squeamish about pregnancy? I am and try to avoid thinking about the subject or looking at pregnancy 'bulges'.

ComDummings · 09/06/2022 21:11

I don’t think it’s that weird, some people just don’t care about other people’s pregnancies and that’s fine. Or they’re squeamish or had losses. Or maybe you’re mentioning it more than you realise and it’s annoying? Sounds like any time you’ve mentioned something she’s removed herself from the situation and I think that’s OK, she’s not been overtly rude to you.

Original poster

newbluecurtains · 09/06/2022 21:23

@Moancup I work in a school where we don't tend to take time off in the day as it's awkward to arrange cover etc, so everyone knew why I was taking the morning off because of that rather than me going around telling everyone

I just think it's odd that my team and I always talk & ask each other about our personal lives, families etc, she talks to me about other elements of my personal life but this one thing. Also to literally interrupt me to change the subject and ignore a colleague in pain right in front of you. But seems I'm in the minority here.

Honestly I have had pregnant colleagues before and not really cared but I still ask because it's polite when you spend all day every day with someone, but maybe we just have different ideas about what's polite

OP posts:

turquoise1988 · 09/06/2022 21:24

Could be a few reasons.

Maybe she feels sad that that period of her life is over? I'd imagine a lot of women go through this around the menopause.

Maybe she or someone close to her (daughter?) has recently suffered a loss?

Maybe you talk about your pregnancy more than you realise? I'm also pregnant but can't imagine going around telling colleagues the baby is kicking, or telling everyone I have my 20-week scan.

I don't know...it's obviously normal to feel excited about our own pregnancies but the reality is, no one else really cares that much and just wants to go about their day.

KindChick · 09/06/2022 21:27

I don’t think it’s weird or super weird. We have no idea what’s gone on or is going on in peoples lives and as others have said she maybe has experienced a loss or could be anything at all - she could be going through the menopause and finding it really difficult to think her child bearing years are past - anything. Also sometimes you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t express interest, ask questions and so on, When I was pregnant at work I only shared scan appointments etc with my line manager and maybe a colleague I was very close to as in friends - no-one else, there is no need, if they asked where I had been that morning for example I would say but that was it. Maybe it irritates her if you are over sharing rather than just getting on with it.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 09/06/2022 21:32

I don’t think it’s ‘super weird’, she just doesn’t want to engage with chat about your pregnancy.

Pregnancy is an emotive thing and it holds all kinds of traumatic stuff for some people. Just accept that she’s not one of the people you can make pregnancy small talk with, it’s not a big deal.

Tothepoint99 · 09/06/2022 21:36

It's odd you've singled one person out for not giving you the attention you think being pregnant warrants.

Everyone else is giving you the attention; why is her choice not to, and seemingly being polite about it, or not as you see it, not good enough??

She doesn't have to care about the sex of your unborn child. No one does. Yes it's nice that they ask but they're not obligated to.

I have to admit....picking something up, breathing in sharply, holding still for a minute and standing up slowly sounds a bit dramatic for 25 weeks.

Do you teach drama?

JaneIsInsane · 09/06/2022 21:36

There could be all sorts of reasons from pregnancy loss through to just not being interested. Do you know she definitely carried her two children? Has that even crossed your mind? Why would you not just tell people you were off to a scan? I’d never, ever ask someone how their scan went nor ever ask the sex of the baby. I also have zero interest in pregnant colleagues. It’s just as boring as someone talking about their shed all day. I can’t be doing with the constant ‘oh not long now’ nonsense. I also hate when they bring their babies in to show them off. I never did that. Often they also have the temerity to be shocked that you don’t want to coo over their baby or worse, hold it. Whenever I walked in on those situations, I’d just say congratulations and carry on with what I was doing.

JaneIsInsane · 09/06/2022 21:39

Yes, imagine if she made reference to her hedges all day, talked about taking a half day to go to the garden centre, referenced when they’d be mature and got offended that you showed zero interest!

Nobody other than you, your partner and perhaps your parents have any real interest in your pregnancy and that’s how it should be.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/06/2022 21:40

I think it's weirder to be telling colleagues you have a 20 week scan and the sex of the baby straight after. Very weird indeed to tell colleagues that you can feel kicking. Those are things reserved for close family and friends.

If you suffered sharp pain from bending down at 20 weeks that's quite concerning and I think you should see a Dr. Do you make a fuss about all the symptoms of pregnancy though?

I'm over 60 op and have colleagues starting families. I nod and smile and occasionally ask how they are and keep my private thoughts to myself about the amount of very personal information shared.

Popsicle33 · 09/06/2022 21:43

You probably go on about it more than you think you do. Pregnancy and children are serious dull for people who have zero interest. You're at a place of work.

Original poster

newbluecurtains · 09/06/2022 21:44

Lots of you have pointed out she could have had a loss or be sad about that period being over which is true. It makes sense as the only comment she has ever made regarding pregnancy was to say how amazing her pregnancies were and how much she loved it, so it makes sense that maybe she's sad that time is over.

I'm sure I don't bring it up much though as I'm conscious that she is clearly not interested so it's not something I bring up. It's not that I think she's being rude just it's such a contrast to my other colleagues.
Believe me, I'm the first of my friends to get pregnant and none of them care at all so I am used to having people not be interested!

OP posts:

worraliberty · 09/06/2022 21:46

For all you know, someone she's very close to could have had a recent loss.

You keep saying you don't expect her to be interested but for some reason you actually do.

Just leave it and enjoy the attention you're getting from others.

Phrenologistsfinger · 09/06/2022 21:48

I would definitely do this and tbh completely avoid you. I cannot currently bear the sight of pregnant women due to multiple losses and infertility. Avoiding any pregnant friends etc. Maybe she had secondary (or tertiary) infertility herself, maybe you trigger other issues related to herself. You don’t sound very empathetic so maybe you could tone it down a bit… not everyone wants to hear it!

ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 09/06/2022 21:49

Tothepoint99 · 09/06/2022 21:36

It's odd you've singled one person out for not giving you the attention you think being pregnant warrants.

Everyone else is giving you the attention; why is her choice not to, and seemingly being polite about it, or not as you see it, not good enough??

She doesn't have to care about the sex of your unborn child. No one does. Yes it's nice that they ask but they're not obligated to.

I have to admit....picking something up, breathing in sharply, holding still for a minute and standing up slowly sounds a bit dramatic for 25 weeks.

Do you teach drama?

This

Original poster

newbluecurtains · 09/06/2022 21:49

Oh yikes some of these replies got really judgemental and nasty, though not sure what else I expected from MN!

I said in my original that I don't think anyone has to be interested. I told my manager why I needed the time off and people asked so word got around. I didn't volunteer the sex of my baby to anyone, I only told people who asked, it just happened that everyone asked except her. Maybe she's the normal one and the rest of my colleagues are nosy!

And I wasn't being dramatic when I paused and took a breath because something hurt...my god what a weird thing to say. Something hurt so I paused for a second. I haven't had any other symptoms like morning sickness, heartburn etc so no I'm not dramatic. The assumptions people leap to!

OP posts:

GrumpyPanda · 09/06/2022 21:51

You sound like you're massively overcharging. I'd be annoyed too.

JaneIsInsane · 09/06/2022 21:52

@newbluecurtains , please don’t start to think that all those of us in our 40s hitting menopause feel sad that our days of fertility are over! Most of us are more than fine and dandy with it! 😆 I’ve never once wished I could do all that shit again. I love having teenagers. I found the baby stage utterly tedious. Give me walking, talking, continent beings any day! 😂

RandomUsernameHere · 09/06/2022 21:52

I agree with you OP, it sounds like she is behaving very strangely. It's odd to not even acknowledge your pregnancy or ask how you are, even if it's just minimal small talk. Does she chat about other things, like asking people how their weekend was etc?

gamerchick · 09/06/2022 21:55

Maybe you talk about your pregnancy more than you realise? I'm also pregnant but can't imagine going around telling colleagues the baby is kicking, or telling everyone I have my 20-week scan

Or thinking the anomaly scan is to find out the sex.

Performance pregnancy is a smite irritating. You've noted this person as not showing an interest because attention comes from everyone else. Leave her alone and just enjoy it from whoever gives it.

I'd feel sad if my friends weren't interested though, it's such a huge thing in a woman's life when they start to sprog. Here's to a decent and boring next 20 weeks. Enjoy.

Original poster

newbluecurtains · 09/06/2022 21:56

@RandomUsernameHere Yes she does, that's why I find it odd! She asks about my nan who I look after and isn't well, I ask about her children, we chat about the weekend etc. If she wasn't into perspnal talk I'd get it. I'm glad one person agrees, after the replies I was starting to think I was going mad. But she may have had a loss as people have suggested.

@JaneIsInsane I won't think this about every woman, don't worry! Was just suggested in quite a few replies here

OP posts:

BadNomad · 09/06/2022 22:00

Is this your first? It could be she thinks you're attention seeking and she doesn't want to engage and encourage it.

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