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Original poster

Colleague is super weird about my pregnancy?

108 replies

newbluecurtains · 09/06/2022 20:18

NCd as my other posts could be outing and don't want to start drama at work!

For context, I'm 25 weeks pregnant, I rarely ever bring it up at work as I don't want to be an annoying person that just talks about my pregnancy all the time. But occasionally I need to bring it up eg. if I will be out for a morning for our 20 week scan where we will find out the gender. When I came back every colleague I saw was excited to ask about the gender and she didn't say a word to me.

If I ever do mention anything - eg. the first time the baby kicked at work, I was excited! She will literally ignore me. The other day I bent down to pick something up off the floor and I got a really sharp pain. I sort of sucked in my breath in pain, held still for a minute, then straightened up slowly. We were the only people in the room and she was stood right next to me as we had been talking, she said nothing. I then said 'oh that really hurt', she walked away.

I think these are the only times I've ever brought up my pregnancy myself. Other colleagues regularly ask me how it's going, if we've thought of names, etc, normal small talk, but she has never once mentioned anything to do with it. It's not that I think others HAVE to ask about my pregnancy, but it's to the point that it's weird to never once say anything - particularly when she knows I've just come from a scan or I'm in pain literally in front of her. If another colleague has asked me about it in front of her, she will step in to change the subject while I'm answering their question, sometimes literally interrupting me to change the subject.

Not sure why I'm posting just...it's weird? She's older than me (in her 50s) with 2 children of her own. It's not just that she's not interested (I don't expect anyone to be!) it's that it seems to actively irritate her. Why??

OP posts:
Lagertha6 · 09/06/2022 22:52

newbluecurtains · 09/06/2022 20:18

NCd as my other posts could be outing and don't want to start drama at work!

For context, I'm 25 weeks pregnant, I rarely ever bring it up at work as I don't want to be an annoying person that just talks about my pregnancy all the time. But occasionally I need to bring it up eg. if I will be out for a morning for our 20 week scan where we will find out the gender. When I came back every colleague I saw was excited to ask about the gender and she didn't say a word to me.

If I ever do mention anything - eg. the first time the baby kicked at work, I was excited! She will literally ignore me. The other day I bent down to pick something up off the floor and I got a really sharp pain. I sort of sucked in my breath in pain, held still for a minute, then straightened up slowly. We were the only people in the room and she was stood right next to me as we had been talking, she said nothing. I then said 'oh that really hurt', she walked away.

I think these are the only times I've ever brought up my pregnancy myself. Other colleagues regularly ask me how it's going, if we've thought of names, etc, normal small talk, but she has never once mentioned anything to do with it. It's not that I think others HAVE to ask about my pregnancy, but it's to the point that it's weird to never once say anything - particularly when she knows I've just come from a scan or I'm in pain literally in front of her. If another colleague has asked me about it in front of her, she will step in to change the subject while I'm answering their question, sometimes literally interrupting me to change the subject.

Not sure why I'm posting just...it's weird? She's older than me (in her 50s) with 2 children of her own. It's not just that she's not interested (I don't expect anyone to be!) it's that it seems to actively irritate her. Why??

Hope you don't mind me asking this but is your baby an IVF baby? Old boss, (really religious) did it to my colleague, who was undergoing IVF as she didn't think it was natural and in gods plan, to conceive when he didn't want you too. Our boss was really difficult when it came to colleagues hosp appt

Johnnysgirl · 09/06/2022 22:54

Lagertha6 · 09/06/2022 22:52

Hope you don't mind me asking this but is your baby an IVF baby? Old boss, (really religious) did it to my colleague, who was undergoing IVF as she didn't think it was natural and in gods plan, to conceive when he didn't want you too. Our boss was really difficult when it came to colleagues hosp appt

Show quote history

She was really over sharing there...

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 09/06/2022 22:56

Wtf are ‘pregnancy “bulges”’ (complete with quotation marks)

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Flump1234 · 09/06/2022 22:59

Wow, people are so mean!

Pregnancies are exciting. Chatting to colleagues about symptoms/scans/names/gender etc is totally normal and not "performing" at all.

Flump1234 · 09/06/2022 23:00

AmaryIlis · 09/06/2022 22:05

I also think it’s extremely unusual to tell colleagues that you can feel the baby kicking.

It really isn't.

No it's not... :/

CurbsideProphet · 09/06/2022 23:00

For some of us pregnancy isn't easy to chit chat about. I'm pregnant and I felt huge anxiety before my recent 20 week scan. We didn't tell anyone the day in case we received bad news. I've been through IVF and miscarriage so even though I'm now finally pregnant I just can't manage idle conversation about pregnancy. Perhaps she had a difficult time having her children and has terrible memories relating to that time. I'm truly amazed by women who are swanning through pregnancy without a care in the world, telling everyone every single detail.

Or maybe she has no dark secret issues around pregnancy and just finds it odd that you want to keep talking about it and share something as personal as feeling your baby kick with a work colleague? I haven't even told my family about feeling my baby move.

Johnnysgirl · 09/06/2022 23:00

Pregnancies are exciting
Not to everyone 🤣

TaranThePigKeeper · 09/06/2022 23:01

As someone who lost lots of pregnancies, I wouldn’t be asking excited questions of someone who has just had an anomaly scan. The answers could be heartbreaking, and I wouldn’t want to put any other woman through that, having experienced it myself. I wouldn’t even have told anyone why I was going to be out - just that it was a medical appointment. I couldn’t have coped with hearing the worst and then having to go and explain chromosomal disorders incompatible with life to a bunch of people to whom I wasn’t particularly close.

Colleagues don’t owe you their interest in your pregnancy. If they are still treating you in a normally friendly way, that’s all you should expect. You are there to do your work, and your being pregnant is an aside to that.

Flump1234 · 09/06/2022 23:02

JaneIsInsane · 09/06/2022 22:43

@Yamyam13 , that’s such a leap. It’s just as likely, maybe more likely that like lots of people, including myself, this woman has zero interest in the OP’s pregnancy. If a colleague announced they were pregnant I would of course congratulate them but then I wouldn’t ever expect to have to talk about it again before I congratulated them on the birth. If a colleague told me her baby was kicking, I’d think it an odd thing to share and no less dull than if she’d told me she was painting her downstairs loo.

But to interrupt her? And ignore her when she's in pain? That's more than a lack of interest. That's just mean.

Somewhereinfragglerock · 09/06/2022 23:07

This is definitely a you thing not a problem with her. You're on mumsnet asking about her and her lack of "care" meanwhile she's busy with her life not giving you a second thought. Honestly you sound incredibly self absorbed. Why should she care? Cause she works with you?! Is female?! A mother?! Get a grip.

NewYorkLassie · 09/06/2022 23:08

You apparently don’t go on about your pregnancy, yet you’ve noticed this one person hasn’t asked about your pregnancy? That’s the weird part of this.

Tothepoint99 · 09/06/2022 23:10

TaranThePigKeeper · 09/06/2022 23:01

As someone who lost lots of pregnancies, I wouldn’t be asking excited questions of someone who has just had an anomaly scan. The answers could be heartbreaking, and I wouldn’t want to put any other woman through that, having experienced it myself. I wouldn’t even have told anyone why I was going to be out - just that it was a medical appointment. I couldn’t have coped with hearing the worst and then having to go and explain chromosomal disorders incompatible with life to a bunch of people to whom I wasn’t particularly close.

Colleagues don’t owe you their interest in your pregnancy. If they are still treating you in a normally friendly way, that’s all you should expect. You are there to do your work, and your being pregnant is an aside to that.

Exactly. A 20 week scan is primarily to check for anomalies. Not the gender. Someone can get some very serious news at that stage and to not ask about it is actually more sensitive.

FelixMadrigal · 09/06/2022 23:10

Maybe you speak about your pregnancy more than you realise and she’s bored of it. I was the same in my first pregnancy and I could sometimes imagine people rolling their eyes at me, but I was excited. Remember this is your pregnancy and no one else’s - you’re giving her reaction way too much thought.

Sponge19 · 09/06/2022 23:11

Jealousy no doubt. Just ignore it

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 09/06/2022 23:19

These replies are so mean! At my work it’s quite normal to discuss pregnancies and personal stuff. In a small environment you do notice these things more. I just wouldn’t discuss it with her again. There could be a million reasons why, try not to let it upset you.

Seaside1972 · 09/06/2022 23:22

MN on fine form I see 🙄 it is totally normal for you to discuss your pregnancy, your scan and for people to show interest in your baby’s gender. In fact, it is the cultural norm to do this.
No, this woman doesn’t have to be interested in your pregnancy but she’s going further than that in her nonverbal communication. She obviously has an issue. You’ll never know what it is, very likely not to be personal to you. Something is triggering her. Could even be the way she was treated by someone when she was pregnant… a reenactment of sorts? Try not to worry, and avoid! You don’t need to take on anyone else’s shit right now. Also, avoid MN. This particular crowd isn’t remotely friendly.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

GayParis · 09/06/2022 23:22

Could be a million things. I personally wouldn't ask/speak to a colleague about their pregnancy as it would be too painful for me. Between losses/infertility I unfortunately cannot bear to talk about anything related to pregnancy or babies.

Try to be a little compassionate.

Meh2020 · 09/06/2022 23:23

I think she’s just not interested. No need to analyse or call her super weird. Clearly she isn’t interested and it really doesn’t matter why. It’s also fine.

You enjoy your pregnancy and let her be.

Tothepoint99 · 09/06/2022 23:23

newbluecurtains · 09/06/2022 21:49

Oh yikes some of these replies got really judgemental and nasty, though not sure what else I expected from MN!

I said in my original that I don't think anyone has to be interested. I told my manager why I needed the time off and people asked so word got around. I didn't volunteer the sex of my baby to anyone, I only told people who asked, it just happened that everyone asked except her. Maybe she's the normal one and the rest of my colleagues are nosy!

And I wasn't being dramatic when I paused and took a breath because something hurt...my god what a weird thing to say. Something hurt so I paused for a second. I haven't had any other symptoms like morning sickness, heartburn etc so no I'm not dramatic. The assumptions people leap to!

So are you saying that because you've not had more morning sickness and heartburn, you're not dramatic?? What a "weird thing to say". I'd keep away from this poor woman when the heartburn does eventually set in and baby is really pushing on your stomach.

smileandsing · 09/06/2022 23:23

I wouldn't have even noticed this at my workplace. But that's probably because the majority are male, so less likely to be interested in pregnancy details. I think you're being a bit ridiculous, why does it matter so much to you?
On the plus side at least you'll know who you'll be able to talk to about non-baby related stuff when you're back from maternity leave!

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 09/06/2022 23:27

I would feel massively uncomfortable about someone calling attention to their pregnancy, unless they were a close friend of mine. I certainly would not want to discuss it at work. You have a choice how much you say and to who. She has a choice not to want to listen. Calling her weird is very judgemental of you.

Blaze1886 · 09/06/2022 23:30

If she enjoyed being pregnant she's probably jealous of you

Fortboyard · 09/06/2022 23:35

Mumsnet is a fecking weird place. Of course it’s totally normal to have casual chat with colleagues about things that are happening in your life; holidays, partners/family, decorating, gardening, getting a dog and yes having a baby. It was part of my manager training to show interest in the wider lives of my team members in order to make them feel valued as people rather than just cogs in the machine.

when I was pregnant I was very surprised by just how many people, even total strangers, asked me about my pregnancy (when I was due, how I was feeling etc). I only ever interpreted that as normal friendliness and just human behaviour.
I once had a weird similar experience with the blanking. In my outdoorsy/relaxed job/industry, people often bring their dogs with them. One colleague, who normally loved dogs and always talked to other people’s dogs, completely blanked my (small and well mannered) puppy for months. Many times even when it came right up to her to say hello. Yet, continued to engage with other dogs completely normally. I still haven’t got the foggiest why. As this thread shows, some people don’t understand how average people interact in the real world.

Branleuse · 09/06/2022 23:42

Its hard to say, but it does sound as if shes ignoring it on purpose.
Id assume she has her reasons, and just carry on as normal with her.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 09/06/2022 23:58

It is not weird to understand that some people have different comfort levels around different subjects. So that what is casual chat to one person could be desperately difficult for another or simply bring on indifference. Yes, it is nice when you have friends at work you can be open with, or to be asked about your life, but it is a massive leap to say it is weird for people not to want to be drawn into conversation about whatever someone wants to talk about.