Colleague is super weird about my pregnancy?

[newbluecurtains]

NCd as my other posts could be outing and don't want to start drama at work!

For context, I'm 25 weeks pregnant, I rarely ever bring it up at work as I don't want to be an annoying person that just talks about my pregnancy all the time. But occasionally I need to bring it up eg. if I will be out for a morning for our 20 week scan where we will find out the gender. When I came back every colleague I saw was excited to ask about the gender and she didn't say a word to me.

If I ever do mention anything - eg. the first time the baby kicked at work, I was excited! She will literally ignore me. The other day I bent down to pick something up off the floor and I got a really sharp pain. I sort of sucked in my breath in pain, held still for a minute, then straightened up slowly. We were the only people in the room and she was stood right next to me as we had been talking, she said nothing. I then said 'oh that really hurt', she walked away.

I think these are the only times I've ever brought up my pregnancy myself. Other colleagues regularly ask me how it's going, if we've thought of names, etc, normal small talk, but she has never once mentioned anything to do with it. It's not that I think others HAVE to ask about my pregnancy, but it's to the point that it's weird to never once say anything - particularly when she knows I've just come from a scan or I'm in pain literally in front of her. If another colleague has asked me about it in front of her, she will step in to change the subject while I'm answering their question, sometimes literally interrupting me to change the subject.

Not sure why I'm posting just...it's weird? She's older than me (in her 50s) with 2 children of her own. It's not just that she's not interested (I don't expect anyone to be!) it's that it seems to actively irritate her. Why??

Bloody hell you nasty lot. The other women hasn’t done anything wrong, but no need to pile on the OP who also hasn’t done anything wrong.

Just remember OP that whatever her issue is, it’s her issue. Worst case scenario is that you’ve talked about it (regardless of being invited to by other colleagues) to the point where it’s grating on her, but that’s not a crime.

And definitely ignore all the uptight nastiness upthread.

*other woman

She's not being weird about your pregnancy, she's just not interested! 😂

She sounds very rude especially if you show polite interest in things that matter to her

It sounds as if your colleagues have taken an interest and asked lots of questions.

However, she maybe thinks those questions are intrusive and thinks she is doing you a favour by treating you in the way she would if you weren't pregnant.

I also think it’s extremely unusual to tell colleagues that you can feel the baby kicking.

It really isn't.

Often envy and resentment present like that... perhaps she wishes she was pregnant but she isn't in the right place or perhaps she's experienced pregnancy loss.

She might just genuinely not be interested but that seems odd when she's interested in other things.

@Minimalme that is a good point!

so no I'm not dramatic. The assumptions people leap to!
Well, you've started a thread about your colleague behaving "super weirdly" by being uninterested in your pregnancy, so it's quite easy to see why.

She might just genuinely not be interested but that seems odd when she's interested in other things.
What a very strange statement.

@newbluecurtains ignore the not very nice comments on here. It's completely normal to talk about your pregnancy and it doesn't sound like you're doing it excessively anyway. If she's not particularly interested that's one thing, but completely refusing to acknowledge your pregnancy in any way is not normal for someone that usually asks about other things in your life. My guess is that she finds it a difficult subject. Possibly her daughter is struggling with infertility?

Sounds very much like someone who has experienced loss or infertility. It can be so hard to rise above the pain and embrace others pregnancies. I'd assume it's along those lines and give her space around it/benefit of the doubt.

Or as PP's have said, she could be in the thick of menopause and be struggling with a lot of emotions about the closing of that chapter of life

Because in the nicest possible way, the world doesn't revolve around you? At 50 she's done, she's not interested. Can't blame her really, she goes to work to pay bills, not to coach people through pregnancy. Amateur dramatics hour wears a bit thin too; if you think bending down and finding it hard to straighten up painful I've got some news about childbirth...!

No I am not her.

Why? I was completely uninterested in other people's pregnancies when I was young and hadn't yet had kids. I'm still pretty uninterested now I'm older and have kids.
I'm not menopausal yet but it'll make no particular difference.

I think you need to be more sensitive to other people's feeling. Your colleague doesn't want to chat about your pregnancy. You seem oblivious to the fact that some people might find pregnancy chat difficult for personal reasons of their own. You are getting plenty of attention from your other colleagues.

there are two mismatched statements from OP
'I don't expect anyone to take an interest/give me attention'

And
'This one woman isn't giving me enough attention and it's weird'

Accept she doesn't care, while your baby is important to you the minutiae is boring to most other people. Announcing kicks is odd, dramatic pausing and then gasping because she didn't ask if you were ok is weird. It's nice other people are asking or showing interest so take it and leave this lady alone to get on with her job.

OP you say you hardly ever bring it up at work and don't expect others to be interested.... but you can specifically discuss all the occasions you have brought it up at work AND monitor your colleagues behaviour. That's a bit odd.

Your colleague isn't that interested in your pregnancy. Don't worry about it! Or do you want special treatment from her?

@KateTush, we’ll, the OP hasn’t done anything wrong other than wonder why this woman shows zero interest in her pregnancy. I’ve never been remotely interested in a colleague’s pregnancy or baby. Why would I? I’m also betting that the OP wouldn’t find it strange if this colleague was a man and all the interested colleagues were women. As if somehow, a 50yr old women would be any more interested in her pregnancy than a 23yr old bloke.

Perhaps her daughter/daughter in law is struggling with loss/infertility and it’s just a bit too raw for her to have a pregnant colleague close to her all day every day? I don’t know. If it were me I’d take my cues from her and just not refer to it when I was with her. There is obviously an issue, but I don’t think you’re going to get to the bottom of it so I’d just avoid it for an easy life at this stage.

@Johnnysgirl
And another possibility is that this lady is similar to you, for sure

I think it's weird that she either lacks empathy or common sense watching you in pain and not saying anything. If she's had kids before she should at least be understanding? To ignore you is weird.

@Yamyam13 , that’s such a leap. It’s just as likely, maybe more likely that like lots of people, including myself, this woman has zero interest in the OP’s pregnancy. If a colleague announced they were pregnant I would of course congratulate them but then I wouldn’t ever expect to have to talk about it again before I congratulated them on the birth. If a colleague told me her baby was kicking, I’d think it an odd thing to share and no less dull than if she’d told me she was painting her downstairs loo.

I don’t think either of you are weird. Sometimes people are wrapped up in something else and just not interested in your things.

You're right some of the comments here are so judgemental.. personally I do think it's a little strange. I've just had a baby and granted some people were more interested in my pregnancy than others I do find it odd that she
Seems to be deliberately ignoring it! If I wasn't interested I'd at least pretend to be lol.. and it definitely doesn't sound like you're going on about it! The people who think you're strange for telling you're colleagues you're going to a scan need their heads checked! Good luck with the baby x