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Original poster

I have a night out ... come home DH isn't home.

253 replies

Eatingpizza · 04/06/2022 00:16

I have just come back from an extremely rare night out with work. I got back at just gone 1 am (europe). Dd (10) is asleep by herself. Other than the dog, not another living thing in the house.

Obviously, it was agreed between me and dh that it was okay for me to have a night out. All the local pubs are closed. His phone isn't answering. No replies to my texts. Just a half finished glass of red wine, a book and his reading glasses on the kitchen table to show he was here.

What the fuck?!

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 04/06/2022 05:36

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 04/06/2022 02:16

I'd be reporting it to SS or the police to have a record of what happens so hopefully he didn't get overnights when we divorced. Leaving my 10 year old alone at night would be it for me, marriage over.

Show quote history

My thoughts exactly. Shocking.

Eviebekind · 04/06/2022 05:42

Absolutely inexcusable behaviour . I cannot comprehend anybody leaving their child in the house alone , this is beyond my understanding . You need to have a serious talk with your partner . 😡 ----

timeisnotaline · 04/06/2022 05:51

Turns out he had gone down the pub and had a lock in. Am furious. He should have answered or at least told me what he was doing.
fucking hell. I’d ask him not to come back - I mean you can never go out again until she’s old enough to be left and that’s not a marriage is it? Tell people what he’s done- see if their opinion makes him realise what a dickhead thing that was to do.

Bluepolkadots42 · 04/06/2022 06:11

What a selfish, neglectful prick. Get rid OP. How could he leave your child alone in the house like that? What if there was a fire? Or she had been taken ill? I really hope for her sake she didn't know he had left. I can't imagine how terrifying it would have been for her if she woke up and needed something and called for him and he wasn't in house.
LTB because your child and you deserve 100 times better than that sack of shit

Bednobsbroomsticks · 04/06/2022 06:19

Yep neglect. Marriage over here too

Tuesdaynight · 04/06/2022 06:22

That 24 hour thing before you can report a person missing to police is bollocks btw.

Basket20 · 04/06/2022 06:29

Op your emphasis seems to be "is he with someone" and that he didn't tell you where he was. Rather than the fact he left a 10 year old at home. Just gives off toxic couple vibes.

Skinnermarink · 04/06/2022 06:31

I was at the pub for a lock out the other day. After last orders they wouldn’t let us back in from the outside tables so we sat outside and had a lock out 🤣
I didn’t even know pub still did lock ins, feels like something from another time.

TibetanTerrah · 04/06/2022 06:39

Thats unforgiveable. I'm so sorry OP.

The way youve worded your update it sounds like he told you about the lock in in person rather than text, so yes as a PP suggested I would be looking to make an "official" paper trail with SS or the equivalent before you move ahead with divorce. You simply can't trust him to have DD alone and need to plan carefully. Spiteful wankers like this will fight for overnight custody just to hurt you, he would love having DD away from you EOW and you going out of your mind with worry.

Be smart, and be strong Flowers

ThreeRingCircus · 04/06/2022 06:44

Inexcusable. He left your young child home alone. What if there had been a house fire? A break in? DD just woke up frightened and was all alone? This would be enough for my to end my marriage with DH, but he'd never do something so utterly neglectful because he actually loves his children.

LaurieFairyCake · 04/06/2022 06:47

He's clearly angry with you for going out and decided to punish you through your daughter

My marriage would also be over Flowers

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 04/06/2022 06:48

God op I would bloody throttle him this morning if that were my dh.

Noname1999 · 04/06/2022 06:48

Your daughter deserves better and so do you. BrewFlowers

gamerchick · 04/06/2022 06:52

Changedagain876 · 04/06/2022 01:27

Jfc. He left your 10 year old asleep in bed at night alone to get pissed? That’s neglect. In NZ you can’t leave a child alone under 14. There’s a reason for that.

Is the OP in NZ?

HollowTalk · 04/06/2022 06:55

That would be the end of the marriage for me. The problem is I would never trust him to have the child overnight ever again.

Inthesameboatatmo · 04/06/2022 06:59

Aquamarine1029 · 04/06/2022 00:28

If he deliberately left a 10 year old child alone, asleep in the house I think I'd kill him.

This^.

JustAnotherMillennial · 04/06/2022 07:01

JuneJubilee · 04/06/2022 05:32

Yeah, that's a law change that's absolutely barking!! I lived there at 14, was babysitting at 13, (including overnights) going to the beach with friends from 13, looking after my 9yo sibling after school. Driving at (full licence) at 15.

yet my nieces & nephews aren't allowed to be home alone until 14...it's absolutely bloody nuts.

but @Eatingpizza he'd be staying at that friends permanently, or anywhere else he liked. But leaving our 10yo at home slone, at night, to go to the pub - he'd no longer be living with us.

Show quote history

I grew up in NZ too, I doubt many parents follow that rule. When I was at intermediate a lot of kids went home to an empty house, including myself. Its never enforced by authorities anyway (because its effectively impossible unless there are cases raised regarding neglect) so its a pointless law, and like you say ridiculous.

Inthesameboatatmo · 04/06/2022 07:03

And when you do leave him which i hope is today, log it with child services so he doesn't get any overnights.

emmetgirl · 04/06/2022 07:04

Wow. That's beyond irresponsible. I couldn't live with someone like that.

Mount2Climb · 04/06/2022 07:06

If the op separates and the dad has the little girl on his own on his days of having her, he may well leave the girl alone again or do something else reckless and the mum won't be there to see or stop any of this.

Alwayspaintyournails · 04/06/2022 07:07

I don’t say this lightly but that would be the end of my marriage.

Mount2Climb · 04/06/2022 07:11

10 is too young to be left asleep alone. Maybe if she was 14 and knew dad is at the pub and the pub is like 5 minutes walk away and she had a phone and used to being alone. He should've had his wine at home and read his book and stayed the hell in. I think he was jealous of you having fun and felt hard done by so gone and did it too.

Bonjovispjs · 04/06/2022 07:14

I wouldn't be able to get past this, such selfish, irresponsible behaviour, I'd never see him in the same light again so would have to end it!

Changedagain876 · 04/06/2022 07:21

@gamerchick no I’m just making the point of comparison to the OP i.e. 14 vs 10 🙄

Teateaandmoretea · 04/06/2022 07:27

Jfc. He left your 10 year old asleep in bed at night alone to get pissed? That’s neglect. In NZ you can’t leave a child alone under 14. There’s a reason for that.

One of the most tedious things about mumsnet is the obsession with how wunnerful it is in other countries. What an utterly daft law with practically zero relevance to the thread. In absence of this daft legislation not a single person has argued that leaving a sleeping 10 year old alone is okay.