Those saying they could leave their OH if he did something awful, sure you could, but leaving doesn’t necessarily stop the love. There’s a difference between having a boundary, enforcing it, and having the corresponding feelings change.
I split with my DP of 9 years last year and I still love him and miss him. Nothing will change that. Despite the fact that he overstepped a known boundary and said some pretty awful things, the way I feel about him hasn’t just disappeared.
When answering these threads before I would always say that the two kinds of love are very different. I would crave my XP, felt physical longing when I didn’t see him for a week, whereas I could take a holiday without my DCs and not really miss them (as I see plenty of them the rest of the year!). I never lost that giddy excitement to see DP even after many years. It was like the heady first flush of love just continued, which was a very powerful thing.
My love for my DCs is a much more steady and calm feeling of being part of the furniture, my heart would absolutely break if anything happened to any of them, but I’d have said the same about XP too. There would never have been a situation which tested the “who would you save in a fire?” question as that would be based on strength, ability, proximity, consciousness etc and nobody can honestly say how they’d react in that situation. I would go through it in my head, what I’d do if there was a fire in the night, and honestly the first person I’d wake up was him, as he could help me save the others! As a partnership, you would work together in a life threatening scenario, not just let each other burn.