Do you love DC more than your DP/DH?

[Tredhl]

My mum always said she couldn’t chose between us and my dad. So I just wondered!

I love my dog more than anyone.

Yes, I love my DC ‘more’ than my DH - but as others have said, love for my children is almost like an unrelated form of love to the love I have for my life partner.

That said, I’d never say to my DC I loved them ‘more’ than I loved their father. I do love him, I would never want them or him to question that. It’s a difficult concept to explain to children who’ve never experienced romantic attraction yet, and it could make them feel insecure, as a PP said. So I guess OP’s mum was doing a similar thing.

There is this to consider too!

Yep. Both my DH and I make our child #1, top priority, first for both of us. It's a very powerful bond really, we work to the same goal together.

Of course

Children more. But that doesn't mean I would always put their WANTS ahead of DHs or ours. And if asked by the kids I na serious manner I'd tell them it's a different type of love so you can't compare but that I'd always put their needs first and so would he.

Telling you she couldn't pick depends on context. Women lose access to their kids because that can't pick between them and abusive men is v different to general "who do you love most and who gets the last slice of cake?"

Can I ask how you feel the love ?
As an example, my dog is excited to see me, cuddles up to me on the couch/bed, I feel loved. But my kids are teens/20’s now and I get nothing back from them. They don’t text me, kiss me, hug me, pop in to see me. I don’t feel loved, so I don’t really feel any love for them in return. I’d give them a kidney if they needed one, but I don’t feel that warm love feeling.

It's a different type of love. I love my children unconditionally and am hugely protective of them - it's a natural instinct.

My husband I love but it's a mixture of mutual love, caring and friendship.

Divorced but when married (even the happy times) always loved DC more.

My mum was the same, despite being happily married, she always said you can replace a husband but you can never replace a child.

They are two totally different emotions both called love when they really should have different names.

I can't rank them because they aren't the same thing.

They are two totally different emotions both called love when they really should have different names.

They did it for you in Ancient Greece - en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love

Do you try to keep up the relationship with your DC from your side too? Texting them, arranging to see them - cook them a meal etc? Has your relationship always been a bit distant or is it since they’ve moved out?

I would say to my children, if they asked, I love them and DH all equally (they are primary school age).

But I love them more then my DH. As others have said, with the children it’s unconditional and their is a real instinctive need to protect. If I could save my children (or child) or DH, it would be my child every single time.

I think my DH would say he loves us equally and mean it. I think he would be paralysed with indecision if he had to make a choice who lived and we’d probably all end up dead….

Absolutely - the term blood is thicker than water is never so true as when you have children. My children are part of me.....DH isn't. He could divorce me tomorrow if he wanted. My children will always be mine

We should have stuck with that!

Yes

Wow that's really sad to read.

What age, gender and how many children are there? Do you text/call them? Pop in to see them or ask to do things to spend time together that they'd enjoy? Like if it was a girl, go for lunch and drinks, go for a spa day etc if its a boy at uni or something ask how they are, do they need any shopping, fancy going out for lunch etc?

I think when they get to that age they do tend to pull away so you need to parent in a different way and try bond in a new way with them. If you don't, then I fear it could potentially never get better as they grow older.

Not sure about the love aspect - but DH is the most important person in my life ....

More important than your children? What?

Of course I do, as does DP. If DP left me I'd meet someone else. If DS was ever lost to me I don't think I'd want to continue living.

What a nasty thing to say to your own children

I'm sorry your mother was so horrible.

I would guess that you have never felt unconditional love for your children.

That's when they don't have to give anything in order to be loved by you. You just love them. No matter what.

If you need to be shown love in order to feel love back then that's a different type of from the more usually described unconditional love people have for their children and more similar to the love you feel for a partner that can disappear if they don't treat you with love in return iyswim.

Although the 'give them a kidney' thing hints at unconditional love so maybe you just don't recognise it because you feel sadness at the lack of a close relationship with them?

Yes, I love my dc more than I love anyone else in the world, including DH. It's on a completely different scale tbh. My dd is my absolute priority in life. My love for her is completely unconditional, whereas it isn't for DH - I would leave him if his behaviour was unacceptable to me. And I would die for dd if I had to, whereas I wouldn't sacrifice myself for DH.

I think he feels the same and I'm fine with that. To me, it seems right and natural that the love that a parent has for a child surpasses any other.

I loved my DS before he was born. I said to my ex that if it was me or DS he must choose the baby.

I hate my ex. But I've always adored my DS. He is an adult and he still comes before everything and everyone.

I have one ex friend that not only does her bf come before her child, she does.

My DF loved me more. My DM never loved anyone.

@KangarooKenny me too!