Do you love DC more than your DP/DH?

[Tredhl]

My mum always said she couldn’t chose between us and my dad. So I just wondered!

Yes, of course. He feels the same.

It's a different love isn't it.
My son is my favourite person in the whole world and my heart aches for how much I love him.
My partner, I love him, hate him sometimes, couldn't imagine life without him but he knows he's not my number 1 anymore haha.

I don’t think it’s horrible to say ‘I can’t choose between you and your dad’. I think that’s the appropriate expression of love for your family when asked the question by a child. I wouldn’t tell my children who I’d ‘choose’ out of the two of them and my husband either. It isn’t a choice I actually have to make, loving them isn’t mutually exclusive, it’s just a silly hypothetical. I’d say I love all three of them very much, that’s what I’d want them to take away from it.

I love my kids more than anyone, hands down. They are the only people I'd literally throw myself into a fire for if the need arose (hopefully it doesn't!). I love DH but if we ever divorce, I'll be sad and I really really hope it never happens, but if it does I'll be fine.

I tell each of my children I love them the most in the whole world. I can't imagine saying 'no I can't decide between you and your dad' to a child. Of course that is horrible, it's downright nasty. A child should feel like they are loved without condition, not that they might take second place to someone else. Even if an adult for some strange reason didn't know if they loved their kids more, surely you would expect they would have the gumption to say to the child that they loved them more then the fucking noon?

Lots of women do choose their partner or husband when they find out he is abusing the children. Some of these women will have said they would always put their children first.

I text them but a reply is days later. I’ve never been invited to my DD’s flat, and I offered to visit my son at Uni but he said he’d be home soon.
They have become very independent, and don’t seem to need a relationship with me any more.
We were very close when they were young, but distant since they gained independence.

Since they moved out.

My husband and I always said that I should put him before the children and he me but since baby came along I'm afraid she is my world. It's a different kind of love but he is both in awe of and jealous of the bond I have with her I think.

I do feel very upset at how our relationships have changed.
I feel very let down that they don’t think to text me, or meet for a coffee. It’s almost like I have to chase them for a one way relationship.

I always tell them I love them equally. There's been a few divorces in the class recently and we weren't all plain sailing during covid so I don't want DS to worry for no reason.

But agree, it's a different love and DS comes first.

If my house was on fire I'd rescue my children before my husband

seems odd to rank the people you love. Do you have a whole hierarchy with parents, siblings, aunts, uncles all scored against each other? Each relationship is unique.

It's a totally different kind of love.

I love my cats. I love my parents. My partner. My friends.

But my child? That's totally different. I'd kill and die for her.

It's a different type of love. The two don't feel the same but aren't really comparable.

My love for dd is unconditional. There is very little, if anything, she could do that would stop me loving her in some way.

My love for dh is conditional. If he were to cheat, cause harm, etc then that love could stop.

@KangarooKenny relationships with young adult children do change, though. I loved my parents deeply but they were somewhat out of sight out of mind during my early 20s. I probably didn’t put in as much as I got out in those years. But my mum always called/wrote/sent parcels, visited, was there when I needed her unconditionally, never made me feel guilty and if she was really struggling with the change she didn’t let it show. I got older and less selfish, our relationship matured.

Try not to take it personally. They’re not as grown up as you think - they might be adults but it’s not an adult relationship yet. You still need to be the grown-up. I’m sure they love you.

Yes.

I told my husband that if anything happened and he ever saved me over the children I would never forgive him and in any sort of incident he is to save them and get out (if I can’t save them myself). couldn’t believe he had to be told - I would leave him to save them for sure 😂

I love my DC's.
Don't love DP.
My DPs love(d) each other more than me.

DC and they know it and DH knows it. They are children, they need protecting and loving and nurturing. I would die for them. It's unconditional, the same as I got and still get from my DPs. I'm a grown woman and I still know my DPs would die for me now. I never ever doubted it even when I was distant 20 something. I hope my kids will feel the same all their lives about me

Definitely DC - but it’s a completely different type of love and feeling.

I do believe all love is conditional though even that of your children, I think most of us would lost that love if our children done something unthinkable to another person etc

@kangarookenny, teens can be focussed so much on friends they forget parents, but they do come back to you. When my son's were late teens they were always off with friends/girlfriends but now mid to late twenties I often get a text, want to meet up for breakfast before sons work shift starts or even when are we having family meal out next? When my eldest son went shopping last week he picked me up a bunch of flowers from supermarket as he recognised my favourite ones and thought of me.

Definitely love DC unconditionally, so does my DH ....we would always put them first above each other and that is why I love my DH so much.

I love them differently.

But the DCs will always be my first priority.

@caringcarer definitely agree with you. My DS is 19 and we have such a lovely relationship now, when he was a younger teen he was very distant and not very engaging.

Yes.