Funny sayings

[MardyOldGoth]

Share your favourite amusing sayings here. I like (about braggards) 'if you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife,' and the government 'run a country? They couldn't run a bath!' 😂

Love a good non-English one too if anyone has any good ones from other languages.

If brains were dynamite you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

Oh there are loads but people may not get the Irish ones we have here. Not sure if this is in the right context but 'he's a right old gobshite' is a saying I love. I love the one 'here's my head my arse is coming' ....if you said this one in u.s. they would think you were on crack, 'jesus that was great craic, must do it again'...

Superb!

I used to work in drug services and I've known that word to be misinterpreted! 😆

Suksi kuuseen in Finnish. Translates to ‘ski into a spruce’. Essentially, ‘fuck off’.

“Well, it’s not exactly how I’d have done it, but whatever - it’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick”

a classic from my DGM!

You're not so green as you are cabbage-looking......

Or a 'slap in the belly with a wet fish'

Non c'ero, e se c'ero, dormivo. I hope I have that correctly.

I wasn't there and if I was there, I was asleep. i.e. nothing to do with me, mate, I don't know anything about it.

Mil says about OH, 'he'd give away his arsehole and shit through his ribs'

And about someone who had insulted her - 'She's just shit in her best hat'

Saying someone is 'as useful as a chocolate teapot'

I'll be back to add more later. Going to love this thread. I often call people gobshites

Someone who is tight with money being described as having 'short arms and long pockets.'

So mean he'd peel an orange in his pocket to avoid giving you any.

The best one I ever read on here was ‘he’s that tight,if he could spilt a fart in half and sniff it twice,he would’

i howled

Someone tight with money again ;

' they wouldn't give you their pickings out of their nose' ! Gross that one though, sorry
I prefer the pockets one.
Someone who is very skinny
' they were seven stone wringing wet '
'A bird in the hand is worth two in the Bush '
Whatever that means.

Someone who is very generous :
' they would give you the shirt off their back '

That is poetry! 🤣

I like " a couple of nuggets short of a happy meal" for someone who's not very switched on

"If you were a dog, I'd have you put down."

Fur coat and no knickers!

A pork pie short of a picnic !
( I think this saying has been levied at me in the past ! Lol 😂
I'm sometimes not the 'sharpest tool in the box '

Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining

'Mutton dressed up as lamb '
Someone always miserable,
If you were a day you would be a Monday , in January!

When they were handing out brains you weren’t even in the queue was you?

Your elevator doesn’t go quite to the top does it?

This one tickled me 😂