Funny sayings

[MardyOldGoth]

Share your favourite amusing sayings here. I like (about braggards) 'if you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife,' and the government 'run a country? They couldn't run a bath!' 😂

Love a good non-English one too if anyone has any good ones from other languages.

Heard in relation to the Downing Street parties - "a fish rots from the head down"

Orange peel is only unhealthy once a month!

What does that mean @OliviaCrock

Someone tall and skinny " they're just a tall glass of water"

It's a metaphor for your gullability @mum2jakie 😂. I'm a real joker!

Anyone know any good ones to say when they don't care for an opinion? " I couldn't give a shiny shite" etc

There's wiser chewing grass.

Never heard that one used outside of my native Northern Ireland.

I can't think of any good verbal comebacks but this meme is a favourite!

"They couldn't lie down straight in bed"

"You make a better door than a window" - when you are stood in the way.

For tight people:- He wouldn’t give you the steam off his piss in a fire or If he found a plaster he would cut himself.

”The more you try hard, the better you get worse off”.

Fond of one coined by 'Yes, Minister':
the acronym CGSM was used as a pencilled comment on a paper, and when examined, was elaborated on as 'Consignment of Geriatric Shoe Manufacturers'. That can be rendered further as 'A load of old cobblers'.

I always find myself saying 'it's like a fart in the ocean or a fart in the wind'.

It has taken this thread for me to realise that these probably aren't real sayings and I likely meant to say a 'drop in the ocean'. Lord know where fart came into it.

About being asked to do something you don't want to...
'I'd rather be tied to a cows tail and s**t to death'

About as much use as a fishnet condom

Can't organise a piss up in a brewery.

He thought he had a pube-until he pissed out of it

one of my brothers insulting the other one

My dad used to say..
If youd be blessed
Its a curse to he good looking thank god you were blessed...if you had brians youd be dangerous

You'd make a great door. Not so much a window.

My grandad was full of these

“built like a brick shit house” - strong / large person

“stone the crows” - expression of surprise

“dull as a brush” or “half soaked as a brick” - dim witted

“tight as a ducks arse” as mentioned by PP

prob horribly non-PC these days but “could sell sand to an Arab” - glib, smooth talker

being Welsh, nicknames galore for people:
“[name] bungalow” - thick person, nothing upstairs

My Spanish father talks about someone "missing a watering". It means they are not very clever

Hasn't even got a good face for radio.

( I would never say thus about anyone out loud but the phrase makes me laugh)

😂😂😂😂

He/she has 'a face like the East end of a West-going cow'.

I don't give a rat's arse