Funny sayings

[MardyOldGoth]

Share your favourite amusing sayings here. I like (about braggards) 'if you've been to Tenerife, they've been to Elevenerife,' and the government 'run a country? They couldn't run a bath!' 😂

Love a good non-English one too if anyone has any good ones from other languages.

Couldn't drive a soapy stick up a pig's arse = poor driver

A French one. Someone up themselves is described as thinking they can fart higher than their own arse.

And, ugly as an arse also French.

My late Mother was from the West Country and if anyone was getting a little boastful she wouls say "he could work wonders and shit marigolds"

"I will in me swiss roll"
"I will in me hoop" both meaning I won't

As much use as a fart in a colander!

The lights are on but there's no one at home.
To describe a rather dim person.

To Quote Terry Prachett "shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the gene pool. Not even the shallow end".

S/he'd catch the bouquet at a funeral

couldnt organize a piss up in a brewery
as useful as a fart in a colander

I'll go to the top of my stairs !
It was as lumpy as a bag of spuds

I've got a few from my nan.

A skinny person is like a 'match with the wood scraped off'.

A nosy person 'wants to know the ins and outs of a magpie's arse and the road up it.'

A person acting above their station is 'All net curtains and nothing in the larder.'

A man who is married to a less than attractive wife would 'Not look at the mantelpiece while poking the fire'

There's probably more that will come to me later.

My ex bil was an awful womaniser. We used to say he'd fuck a frog if it stopped hopping for long enough