If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

[Noclosure]

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

I used to look after my friend’s 3 dc (oldest school friend, I was godmother to one dc) for a week every summer, it was a treat fest. She gave me £100 to cover outings, but we went OTT and took them out at least twice, we went bowling, to the cinema, mostly had food out. It always cost us a lot more than £100, but that was our choice. If I was asked to look after several children, I’d expect all the food to be provided, plus extra money for emergencies/outings. I wouldn’t expect to pay anything myself.

sounds like a monstrous undertaking

I’d want a fucking solid gold medal as well as plentiful food/money/supplies.

I’d also have left cooked meals to be heated up

If I ever did them a favour again, I'd make it abundantly clear what I expected, beforehand. They must not have given it any thought at all. A well-stocked fridge is literally the first thing you'd think of, if you were leaving your kids for someone else to care for and had plenty of time to plan accordingly.

When a friend agrees to pet-sit for me I put more effort into it than they did! Lots of food, treats, and toys clearly visible and easily accessible, with written notes of anything I think they may find helpful.

Lots of nice food and alcohol. Flowers, chocolates, wine and an offer to reciprocate upon return. And a gold medal definitely in order too.

@MayorDusty 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Love this

Answering before reading whole thread….

Wow what an amazing friend you are! If I ever had the good fortune to have such a friend as you, and the inclination to go off without whole family I’d do the following…

Have entire house pristine as possible, fresh sheets on beds and few toiletry goodies for you and chocolate in room.

House stocked with food, asking you about your preferences and leaving money for a takeaway.

All children’s activities paid for obviously.

Petrol money.

And I’d bring you back flowers or a present or something for minding my four children for four days solid no charge!! Least I could do!!

Had they changed their bed for you or left you to do it?
Clean towels?
Spotless house?
I'm guessing not.
I'm surprised they didn't leave you a note asking you to cut the grass!
It's not you. It's them. Honestly it goes without saying for anyone with half a brain that you stock up ott in this scenario.
It really pisses me off when kind people are taken advantage of.
Did the kids overhear any mutterings of 'there's no bloody food!' Hopefully they did and they'll tell their selfish parents.

They shouldn't ask what you want, you say they know you, it should have been there. A jam packed fridge with food for all, treats and wine. You should have had money for takeaway and incidentals and petrol money. Empty machine, 6 month old baby, any amount of accidents can happen!

You did a really lovely thingfor them, I'm sure they are grateful but I would decline any future requests.

‘I get this is my fault’

No, OP. It’s their fault. Your ‘friends’ =

CF 2022 Grand Champions🎖

Totally agree. I'm gobsmacked by what the OP did/what her friend asked her to do.

Glad they paid back the money for food OP, they sound like they are over run with 4 kids and felt pressured into taking the hol (booked before 4th kid around) as paid for pre covid… they maybe don’t see a shop as a big deal or understand how tight your money situation is. Anyway we’ll done you for coping with it all!! And I hope the present is good!!

Also I am all for bringing wine on return, but I wouldn’t have left wine for somebody looking after my 6m baby on their own, mind I wouldn’t have left my baby without one or other of us at that age either!

Yes bedding and towels were all spot on didn't have to worry about any of that

I would expect well-stocked fridge and cupboards, maybe some money for a takeaway/treats. And a bottle of wine. Although probably there's no time for wine if you're looking after that many children!

I agree.
It is astonishing bad behaviour towards you, but also really terrible towards their children and animals.
I can imagine doing this for someone in an emergency but not for any other reason, and certainly not while working a seventy hour week. They should have done everything to make this as easy for you as possible.

Well that's something at least (re the towels)
You're just going to have to mark this one up to experience.
I wouldn't I'd tell her exactly what I thought but you're obviously much nicer than me.
(You'll be more like it when you're 50+ you take NO ShiT & that's a good thing imo .... only so much giving in you and it shrivels up along with your ovaries )

OP,

You are emotional because your gut is screaming at you why have you so little respect for yourself to allow yourself be treated so poorly.

These are not friends.
They are people who have made an unbelievable mug out of you.

To leave an empty fridge for someone minding their children is beyond shocking, and definitely not an accident.

Of course it was deliberate.

I don't know a single person who would take 4 kids for a weekend.

That the parents left you without meals all prepped tells you EXACTLY what a fool they think you are.

Have a really hard think about the type of person that would do that.

Only scum would IMO.

You are obviously an unbelievably kind and generous woman, who is clearly kind to all, but not to yourself.

Very sad.

You need to be much bloody kinder to yourself and get nicer friends.

Your thread is actually upsetting to read.

Just awful to read of someone so nice to be taken such total advantage of.

My God, I looked after my BF's 6yo impeccably behaved twins overnight once and not only did she leave everything we might need plus wine for me, she took me for a lovely meal to say thanks. Your friends are idiots as well as bad friends. Imagine treating someone doing you such a HUGE favour so shabbily. I assume you'll never help them out again.

There are donkeys and there are people who ride them

You're a good friend but you're all so totally disorganised. I can't imagine with six, [or more ] children that you didn't all sit down and discuss anything . Utter chaos .

If I was to do someone such a mammoth favour, as a minimum I would expect all food provided for everyone. Lots of easy options like pizza, lasagna ext with some added treats for you when the children where in bed. There should also be money left for petrol for all the extra journeys. I would need a back up plan with someone I could reach if, unfortunately there was an accident or illness and I had to take one to hospital. I would expect regular check ups and grateful thanks from the parents when they returned a thoughtful gift would be nice and an offer to babysit my kids, if only for an evening so that I could have a break.

This is the minimum I would do if someone was kind enough to do this for me. The fridge would be thoroughly stocked with popular kids favourites and more expensive treats than I normally buy for the babysitter. There would be wine, chocolates, flowers and a thoughtful gift on my return and a reciprocal offer of at least a night's babysitting

It is a massive responsibility to take on someone else's children for that long and would cost a fortune in childcare costs if it wasn't a favour. That should be acknowledged in every way possible

To leave an empty fridge for someone minding their children is beyond shocking, and definitely not an accident.

I tend to agree. And to leave you with a six month old baby, on top of all that. God knows how you managed the weekend shop with a baby involved. It's beyond thoughtless and flaky. It's an insult.

I feel your pain! I did similar once for my brother, looked after his three children (all under 5) and my daughter, in their home for a weekend. I arrived and the grandfather was looking after them as they had left early, he made a very quick exit. They had a lovely house but neither my brother or my sil did much cleaning and I was shocked at the state of it. I had to clean every surface in the kitchen before I cooked anything, which was after I did a mountain of washing up. I remember calling a friend asking if It would look rude if I properly cleaned the house as it was just awful, my friend said she’d love me forever! I put a dvd on and cleaned! I mistakenly rubbed off a dark mark of the kitchen cupboard door and realised they were a different colour when cleaned! It looked so bad that I had to do them all! When they came back, I said I’d been wearing my brothers slippers as my feet stuck to the floor! They laughed and thanked me for the tidying up, not embarrassed in the slightest! I never offered again!

I would have expected enough food for the time you were there, some treats, adequate pet supplies, clean home as a bare minimum.