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Original poster

If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

453 replies

Noclosure · 17/05/2022 19:49

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

OP posts:
Isonthecase · 17/05/2022 21:54

Surely the present on its way is a minimum of a spa break to get you back to your previous level calm!

Bordesleyhills · 17/05/2022 21:55

I think your a lovely person to do this but wow what a way to be repaid - no food, having to do a shop definitely not on. I wish I had someone this kind and trustworthy if I ever needed it. Not on and I hope you go in with your eyes open if asked again and consider if you would.

SeaToSki · 17/05/2022 21:56

Im leaving DD (13) with DS (20) and girlfriend next week to go and visit my parents. I am currently cooking meals to put in the freezer, getting all their favourite snacks and drinks in (and locking up the alcohol) putting petrol in the car, clean sheets on all the bed, doing all the laundry, basically prepping like its Christmas…. and that is my own son looking after his sister….

You are a saint

Aaaabbbcccc · 17/05/2022 21:58

This is atrocious. What kind of animals are these people. Hang on, animals would provide for their young. I would call and scream down the phone. I would have called them at the airport and said what the actual fuck is this, get back here.

ReluctantCourier · 17/05/2022 21:58

Haven’t rtft. My friend (child’s godmum) has literally just done this for me. Older DC went to stay with their friends so she was left with only our 18mo. Freezer full of 6 Cook! Meals for 4 days (so a choice), biscuits, cakes, wine, croissants etc. Did leave details of baby’s swim class but made it clear was optional. Arranged a dogwalker to come for the dog each day, cleaner came and did whole house the day we left.

I didn’t leave cash which now I’m wondering if it would have been better to have… also friend is now kid free and enjoys doing the fun older aunt thing- I wouldn’t ask someone with their own kids in tow tbh!

ZenNudist · 17/05/2022 22:00

This is ridiculous. I have a babysitter over for 4 hours I get her food in so she has snacks and it's nice for her. Yanbu.

There should be a mega treat in store. Let us know if there is one!

Tbh anyone who takes the piss this much with childcare is going to take it all the way.

Forget about it if you can.

Or tell your friends you were very hurt by lack of provision and expectation you'd do their laundry on top of caring for 6 children.

winterchills · 17/05/2022 22:00

Definitely would expect all food and drinks to be provided so fridge and freezer well stocked!

Mummybud · 17/05/2022 22:01

Firstly, you should be really proud of yourself because you did a really nice thing. And you admit that the children had a lovely time and you obviously held the fort really well.

Secondly, yes they absolutely mugged you off. they would have known their fridge and freezer were empty and their washing machine full. But at some point they would have thought “oh f**k it, [OP] will sort it out”. For me, that’s the bit that’s unforgivable. They treated you like an employee rather than a guest, but didn’t have the courtesy of paying you or covering expenses. It’s not worth falling out over, but I would be wary of doing anything so nice for them again.

Thirdly, get through this shift pattern and then pour yourself a massive glass of wine.

Thefaroeislands · 17/05/2022 22:01

@LakieLady 😂😂😂😂😂

OP, I think I’m pretty generous with my offers of child care to other people, but there is no way on this earth I’d offer to look after 4 kids that young plus pets for 5 days.

Original poster
Noclosure · 17/05/2022 22:05

Maybe I was unclear. There were like pantry basics in, you know your tins of beans and all spices and cous cous whatever. Plus odds and and ends in the freezer. But I didn't expect on top of everything else to worry about to be having to piece together odds and ends from the freezer!

No, social services would not be worried. There was 'stuff' but like end of the week, haven't been yet 'stuff' as in when you open the fridge there's more white door on view than goods!

In hindsight. Day one I should have asked them to log on to an online shop when they landed and get everything delivered to me. But that would have taken longer wouldn't it.

It's over now anyway.

I'm back to my nice house when I can have a piece of cheese or whatever and not worry about having to leave it for a child to eat the next day.

OP posts:
LibrariesGiveUsPower · 17/05/2022 22:06

If someone did that for me I’d stock the fridge from Fortnum & Mason.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 17/05/2022 22:07

For the visiting adults that is.

kids could have normal Tesco’s stuff.

ItisallPooh · 17/05/2022 22:09

Bloody hell I can be a bit of a walkover and find it hard to say no but they are really cheeky fuckers!
Not even leaving pet food. What a pair of thoughtless pricks!

Ric2013 · 17/05/2022 22:10

Well, yes. I'd have expected that as a minimum I'd have my meals from whatever was in the cupboards, and that the cupboards would be sufficiently full not to run out of food for the time I was there.

UnintentionallyRidiculous · 17/05/2022 22:11

Well you all sound thoroughly irresponsible. You had their 4, including tiny baby and others primary age, and yours, at least 2, and you left some alone at home to go shopping?! How could you possibly take proper care of so many? How on earth did you think this was going to go?

TheHatinaCat · 17/05/2022 22:11

You sound like an absolute saint.

I would be very very annoyed. It would take me a while to get over that if I managed to at all.

What's your plan going forward? Are you going to say anything? Stay friends?

hellrabbitishere · 17/05/2022 22:11

MayorDusty · 17/05/2022 19:53

If I looked after someone's four kids for that long I'd want a damehood and three weeks in the Maldives.
Was it a surprise holiday or a competition win? How did you get roped in to that?

bloody same 😂 thats not just a massive favour to me , as far as that goes looking after that many kids is akin to giving someone your kidney !! id rather look after 50 cats in a house than try and cope with four youngsters esp the non sleeping baby 😨

Pallisers · 17/05/2022 22:11

this happened my friend. Her brother pushed her into minding his children (as in well we thought you were going to do it and we are leaving now for the airport) and when she arrived with her own children there was no food and no money - she had to do a big shop just to feed everyone for the long weekend. never ever again.

Caterina99 · 17/05/2022 22:15

My friend hired a babysitter to look after her 2 primary age children (no baby) for a weekend so her and DH could go to a wedding. pick up after school on the Friday and they were home before bedtime on the Sunday. It cost hundreds.

Plus she left the babysitter money for food to get herself a takeaway, as well as a full fridge of easy meals and cash to take the kids to something on the Saturday. No clubs.

Honestly your friends should be ashamed to not even have enough food in!

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 17/05/2022 22:17

If you're not comfortable talking directly to them could you send an email explaining your feelings? Obviously you know what they are like generally but the fact that they have 4 children must mean they are reasonably well organised day to day. I'm surprised you all didn't discuss things more beforehand but it's not wrong for you to say things now. Be strong...

user1471538283 · 17/05/2022 22:17

Years ago I looked after a friends 2 young children with my own DS. There was a stocked cupboard and fridge so we used that for meals. No money left for a takeaway and I was there a whole week. Upon her return she moaned that the cupboards were bare. She gave me insufficient money to restock which I could not contribute to financially and we were leaving in the morning. She proved to be spiteful and mean.

I cried with relief when another friend picked me up.

Some people have no class.

Houseplantmad · 17/05/2022 22:18

When you are rested and feel stronger, you have to speak to them. Why did they put the washing on if they knew they wouldn't get to deal with it; what did they think their kids would eat? In addition to gratitude they owe you a massive apology.

WDTABNONONO · 17/05/2022 22:19

I would never ask this if a friend.

If this was say something emergency and had to good would all be provided and a bottle of wine/box of chocolates/takeaway.

I'd also get them a nice day out as a treat or have their kids for the day.

This is as a minimum.

Genevieva · 17/05/2022 22:29

I would expect you to give me a full breakdown of all costs you incurred so I can reimburse you. I would also give you a case of good quality wine.

WouldBeGood · 17/05/2022 22:36

Itsvalentino · 17/05/2022 19:55

I’d have left the house fully stocked with food, and treats, as well as money for take away and emergencies.

I’d also have thanked you profusely, with flowers, chocolate etc

This. Plus alcohol