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Original poster

If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

453 replies

Noclosure · 17/05/2022 19:49

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

OP posts:
Sh05 · 18/05/2022 00:37

I'd expect a fully stocked fridge freezer and personally I would probably have left some cooked meals in the fridge as well.
Money on the side for takeaways seeing as you were looking after two sets of children and loads of snacks and treats for you as well.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/05/2022 00:41

Oh wow, you are some kind of saint to agree to do that in the first place - I'm appalled for you that they left everything the way they did!
I mean, even if they hadn't had time to go to the supermarket themselves, at least make an online order to be delivered Friday evening! And £50 probably wouldn't have covered a takeaway for 8 (well, 7 really - the 6mo wouldn't have much!), unless it was all very basic, would it? I'm out of touch with takeaway prices in the UK now (The AUD equivalent absolutely would NOT have covered it in Australia!)

NB - you are NOT over-reacting. I'm glad you've had the shopping money reimbursed but I think that the amount of petrol you've used - not just for the supermarket but for the school runs and activity runs - should also be covered, given the price of fuel these days!

Glad you're home and can at least do what you want in the knowledge that it's there for you, even if you are on shift and have to work for a few more days.

Maybe you should suggest that your friends have your 3 this weekend to make up for it... Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/05/2022 00:43

Ha - just seen that I made an assumption that you had 3 DC from your OP (or maybe you said it later on?) - that may not be correct.

GoodThinkingMax · 18/05/2022 00:57

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

Gosh! You are a saint @Noclosure ! FOUR children of someone else!

I'd expect that there'd be a mass of food left for you, your family and the children you're looking after. I'd also expect that they'd leave 350 or so to cover petrol & out of pocket expenses, and I'd also expect (in a quiet way) a nice bottle of cava or prosecco or even champagne. And a big bunch of flowers or a gift of something on their return.

TurquoiseSwirl · 18/05/2022 01:03

They win the CFer MN award.
Absolute fucking minimum should have been bulging fridge and freezer with a meal plan of what to do with the microwave ready meals and money for takeaway each night and a holiday for you when you got back.

StoppinBy · 18/05/2022 01:10

If someone did that for me I would leave reheatable/easy to finish off meals like lasagne, spag bol, frozen fish and chips and probably some money for a takeaway for one night.

Of course I would leave enough for everyone for main meals as as well as snacks.

A thank you gift from wherever I went on holidays would also be on my list of priorities.

GoodThinkingMax · 18/05/2022 01:13

they'd leave 350 or so to cover petrol

I meant £50 ... wish there were an edit button

SouperNoodle · 18/05/2022 01:14

wotwududo · 17/05/2022 19:57

Full fridge/freezer. Money fir petrol/expenses/takeaway. £200 for my trouble.

This

NumberTheory · 18/05/2022 01:45

I would have expected treats in and a question before about what you’d like getting in earlier in the week. So I would have been started a conversation before I turned up if she hadn’t asked. But this is because I wouldn’t have expected or wanted them to decide what we were all going to eat for the weekend and stuff the fridge/freezer with it. It sounds like you’re pretty close so maybe she does know you well enough for this to have bothered you less, but your OP hints at a niggling feeling about it and a busy week pushing it from your mind.

Sounds, with the laundry, etc. that maybe a busy week caught up with your friend too. If they were working all week with 4 kids and then rushing off on a holiday I can see how that could happen. But it’s no excuse for not apologising a lot when you get there, transferring money to you and telling which the best delivery places are. I hope it’s a very big gift.

I think this would sour my relationship with her a bit. Maybe not significantly if it’s a long and otherwise reciprocal friendship. I’d feel like I’d have to tell her how annoyed I was but no idea how I’d bring it up without it becoming an ugly rant.

Fraaahnces · 18/05/2022 02:13

I hope you didn’t do their laundry!!! If you were being paid, it’s pushing their luck. You were doing them a huge favour and they took the piss.

SpookyActionAtADistance · 18/05/2022 02:18

Four children and no food?

You have been mugged off @Noclosure.

This is a pisstake.

I have two children, when they were small I only ever asked for them to be looked after a couple of times.

Weatherwax13 · 18/05/2022 02:34

Christ almighty. The house should've been spotless and fully stocked down to the last pint of milk.
But then I'm amazed full stop. If someone asked me to do this, as a working mother with kids of my own, I'd assume they'd lost their marbles.

Penguinevere · 18/05/2022 02:57

They sound very very disorganised

Pickabearanybear · 18/05/2022 03:05

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

CorsicaDreaming · 18/05/2022 03:58

@Noclosure - it's bizarre behaviour. I can't get over being happy to leave a 6 month old baby and go on holiday. Quite apart from the food thing, which must have been so stressful for you.

Have you got any idea why they thought it was okay? How long have you known them and how?

It's the kind of thing I'd imagine the very rich might do to their nanny or housekeeper and not think about it, as they are being paid to look after them, but plain weird in your circumstances as a friend doing them a favour whose just been flat out working shifts all week.

Zonder · 18/05/2022 04:50

Wow. Well I guess the hindsight lesson is that you should have discussed meal plans with them beforehand and asked for certain things to be bought ahead. But then hindsight is a wonderful gift and I doubt you will be doing this again.

Soandsooo · 18/05/2022 05:02

Can I have your number please?! I’ll provide everything you need!

Thatsnotmygame · 18/05/2022 06:04

I can’t get over you agreeing to this in the first place!!!

Ferngreen · 18/05/2022 06:08

Did you say what the gift was they sent you ?

speakout · 18/05/2022 06:17

I would never agree to this.
Some call you a saint OP.
I am not sure modelling doormat behaviou to your children is laudable.
In order to be valued by others we must firstly value ourselves.

lightfalling · 18/05/2022 06:37

Trying to blame OP here is not on. It was their responsibility to make things as easy as possible for OP, food all ready to go, treats, a gift waiting for her on her arrival and when they get back, kids activities cancelled. Of course OP expected they would do this. Who pisses off and leaves their mate doing them the favor to do the bloody supermarket shopping too!
they have been utterly oblivious, selfish, entitled arseholes.
Op, I just wouldn’t be able to look at them in the same way again. I’ve stopped being friends with people like this.

Womencanlift · 18/05/2022 06:49

They are CF’s and I would be calling them out on it. You did them a massive favour and they thought so little of you that not only did they not shop before they left but they only reimbursed you because you asked for it by leaving the receipts

If they were genuine they would have said so sorry with all the stress of getting ourselves organised we haven’t managed a shop but will transfer you money now to cover the weekend.

I would have made my feelings known about how pissed off I was when they got back and certainly would be expecting them to take my kids for the weekend so I could relax and recuperate

Choufleurfromage · 18/05/2022 06:50

What kind of people fuck off on holiday without their kids?
What kind of people fuck off on holiday and leave 4 kids with a friend? Not casting aspertions on OP caring/ coping abilities, just than usually it would be a relative. So much risk
You need to read her the riot act, OP

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 18/05/2022 06:52

I would want the moon on a stick and my own Caribbean island if I took all of that on. Seriously - your friend has massively taken the piss!

Original poster
Noclosure · 18/05/2022 07:02

I've had a lovely night's sleep and feel so much better already.

No gift as yet.

Yes they are very disorganised. They thought they had left enough stuff apparently. I can only think that one member of the couple assumed the other one had shopped. There really wasn't a single meal in the fridge, just random snack items a few packed lunch bits and baby stuff. Nothing to make a dinner with, all of that stuff I had to get.

To clarify for someone else aswell I haven't neglected any of the children by leaving them to shop they are 11 end of yr 6 and it was not for long. Both were comfortable with it and walk to/from school on their own and go to park etc.

I'm putting it behind me and won't do it again especially between the busiest shift weeks in my monthly calendar

OP posts:
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