If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

[Noclosure]

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

I haven’t heard of anything like this in my life.

Nope. Really really not your fault OP….

there are so many times on here I’m thinking, but why didn’t you just agree this all ahead of time. Not here. It seems so effing obvious that if someone was doing this for you … which is an ENORMOUS favour that you would have an entirely stocked fridge, booze aplenty and an enormous bouquet delivered. Plus duty free.

It’s insane they didn’t think of this. Their CFery is extreme. Sorry your kindness in agreeing to this wasn’t reflected in any basic courtesy. Personally I’d say something!!!

That present had better be absolutely humungous. It's really outrageous that they didn't even leave enough food for their own children and dog, let alone yours.

It's pretty stupid of them, really, because I take it that you won't be offering so much as 5 minutes' babysitting for them ever again. Or at least I really hope you won't.

No not had petrol money but luckily the supermarket wasn't far, just over in the next town so not too many miles. It was more the extreme faff of having to even do it in the first place, on a tight budget and having to basically do a stock inventory of everything that was there to keep it as cheap as poss. Arrrgh I'm kicking myself. It's getting put behind me now

So inconsiderate! How are they not embarrassed? I just don’t understand how you wouldn’t be thinking of how to make things comfortable and easy for someone doing a massive favour. Wouldn’t you be thinking about the hassle you’ve caused?

My partner and I are going on holiday for a few days and a relative is staying in our home taking care of our child. I’m planning on doing a big clean and tidy, plus stocking fridge and also going to leave some nice present. It’s the least I could do.

I'd have expected a full fridge and freezer with enough food for everyone including you, plus some wine and chocs, then some cash for petrol and any extras for the kids.

I'd have filled the fridge/freezer. Bought loads of snacks. Left money for takeaways. Christ, 4 kids and pets?! Id be eternally in your debt.

Fuck me. For a favour like that I'd want a superyacht, a unicorn, my own private jet, half of Harrods, a magic lifelong ability to eat drink and smoke as much shit as I like without it affecting my health or weight, my own rainbow attached to a pot of gold and at least three million pounds.

Even then - it's iffy.

The least they could have done is buy you a beautiful bottle of perfume or a large bottle of your favourite spirit.
I hope they return the favour op.
Dh used to own a large van. An acquaintance once asked if he would help him with his house move. Dh said he didn’t do that sort of thing. The acquaintance asked again saying he would fill dh’s van full with diesel pay him, and ‘see him right.’
Dh reluctantly agreed but made it clear he was very busy and would only be moving the large items such as sofa and arm chairs.
Well Dh was there hours. They did not pay him, they did not fill his van with fuel, they did not give him anything, not even a cup of tea. Dh had gone straight from work so was hungry and thirsty. They kept asking him to just stay a bit longer etc etc.
Dh did ask for the money they had promised, they never gave him a penny. He never helped anyone move anything again, ever.

I've done a bit of looking after other people's kids in similar scenarios.

Clean house, fully stocked fridge & freezer, access to transport if required, guest room ready, cash left for incidentals. List of routines, food preferences, appointments, play dates, family contacts - but also full discretion to vary those to suit me and the kids. Plus a general vibe of respect and appreciation for what I'm doing!

Obviously in an emergency situation it may be much more haphazard, in which case more cash, or a card, or credit at the village store, and awareness that the organisation and housework is additional load for me.

I've only done this for close friends, or friends of friends, and there's always been a thank-you gratuity, which has varied according to respective incomes, from 'big love, a bottle of wine and we owe you forever' through 'please accept this extra cash or reciprocal favour' to 'full professional payment'.

Your expectations are reasonable OP, and your hurt and outrage justified. If you feel able, I'd try to have a conversation, and recoup costs at least. If it doesn't go well, I'd be cutting them out of my life.

They should of course have filled up the freezer and fridge. I also think they should have cancelled all clubs/ activities. Plus left at least £50 maybe £100 for takeaways or other spends.

My friend looked after my cat for 2 days (popping in twice a day to feed her and give her some attention), I bought her posh chocolates and a lovely bottle of bubbly as a thank you (I'd factored the cost into my holiday budget). She wouldn't take the petrol money I tried to give her. I'm not surprised you were pissed off!!

I would never ever do anything like this again if I were you. Piss taking on another level.

That's fucking terrible

I'm just blown away by the basic fact that anyone would ask this favour of someone else, let alone of someone who works and has their own children - including leaving a 6m baby 😳and 3 other children 😳with one poor person to do everything for several days and nights?! Absolutely absurd. You are a saint OP.

They sound either very cheeky or extremely clueless about social norms. Not even leaving enough food for their time away is beyond cheeky.

I'd have to bring this up with them. Just lay it all out like you have here and give them an opportunity to make up for it. Otherwise I would feel too resentful to maintain the friendship.

I have RTFT but I’m still pissed off on your behalf.

I’d leave:

an empty washing machine 😱
a spotless house
clean bedlinen
a full fridge (plus many many many adult snacks)
plenty booze of choice
kids snacks
a reduced itinerary / cancelled kids activities
cash for takeaway
frozen home cooked meal
cash for ‘incidentals’ (£200)

I’d return with:

your favourite perfume
200 fags (if a smoker. And I hate smoking)
bottle of fave duty free booze / v good champagne
gift from location

They are complete cocks
They should have stocked up and made some dinners for the freezer. Looking after 4 children is too much to ask of anyone

This as a minimum.

Haven't read the thread, so no idea what the circumstances are, but I can't imagine asking anyone to do this. It's a huge ask.

£1m and a date with Aidan Turner.

Oh op. That's really shit and rude of them. No excuse at all. You must feel really taken advantage of and uncared about. I do hope you won't offer to help again.

My dc are older now but on the odd occasion I went away when they were small and left my HUSBAND in charge I had dinner prepared for him to warm up plus plenty of food and drink, all washing done etc so he only had to concentrate on the dc.

I hope you manage to rest up on your next day off. Maybe your 'friends' will offer to take your kids?

Heavens to Betsy that's taking Cheeky Fuckery to a whole new level.

If I'd had the cast iron balls to ask you you could've expected fully stocked fridge, cash for trips, my prime password for downloading whatever you needed and a lake of wine. Plus a fuck off thank you gift handed to you on my suntanned knees with gratitude.

Also in your shoes, I wouldn't be so much over emotional as hiring a fucking hitman.

No packet or tinned goods in the cupboards?
Nowt in the freezer?

For a family with four children, it’s reasonable to expect some basic items in store. If they had enough notice to ask this favour of you in advance & organise their trip, then there is no reason not to have a well stocked larder, fridge & freezer for you all.

It’s not like you stepped up at the last minute to help the couple out in an emergency & they were at the end of a weekly shop with no time to book a delivery. Even if they ran out of time before they left, they could still book a shop & delivery whilst waiting at the airport or as soon as they landed. They seem to have gone off without thought if you, yours & their own children.

Can they really be that disorganised or indifferent to their children’s wellbeing?

Were you a health visitor or social worker visiting the family, the lack of food or provisions in the house would be noted.

They have shown you who they are (cheeky fuckers), & you have to ask why they asked you for this huuuuuuge favour. Possibly they have form for dumping their kids & responsibilities on other people? A question to consider.

Well if someone did that for me I would leave the house jam packed with every kind of food, flowers, chocolate, wine, cash for takeaways and incidentals. As well as my undying gratitude. I'd probably also say don't bother with the activities - it won't hurt the kids to skip one week. I can't imagine a friend doing something like that though (not bitter- I don't think I'd do it for a friend either)