If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

[Noclosure]

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

I’m so sorry your friend was treated this way and you were dragged in to due to your association.

There are two types of people in this world- givers and takers and the latter will ALWAYS be on the look out for former and use them until they have nothing left to give then move on to the next person.

When I was a ( not so outspoken ) teenager ( long time ago) and still at school/college I did a bit of baby sitting. One particular couple would contact me only when their regular sitter was unavailable (soon found out why!)

They were chasing the dream of speedboats/expensive holidays/ eventual financial security and setting up a pyramid ( Ponzi) scheme by recruiting/selling Amway cleaning products and had set themselves goals/dates by which they intended to achieve them seemingly regardless of any thought for the well-being of their kids!

They contacted me at short notice and persuaded me to go round pretty much straight from school/college on a SCHOOL night by saying they would “ lay on a buffet” and I could bring my boyfriend (now husband of 34 years) and they would be home at a reasonable time.(ha!)

I reluctantly agreed.( big mistake!) I got there on time and they promptly left but not before telling me I needed to cook a meal for the kids and ...bath them (wtf?) To say I was pissed was an under-statement!

I went to the fridge- NO FOOD- no buffet as promised or even anything to cook/give the kids! We ended up having to order a take-away and shared it with their kids!

Next, far from having a relaxing evening one of the kids was sick. I went to the kitchen expecting to see an array of cleaning products ( after all that is what they are selling) but NO cleaning products WHATSOEVER! - NOT A BLOODY THING! I can’t quite remember what I cleaned up with but had to improvise.- I was spitting feathers!

Finally, after the sick child was feeling a little better came the kids baths and bedtime. The kids didn’t give me any problems but I felt they were a little neglected by their parents as they seemed to be out EVERY EVENING chasing their dreams and the house wasn’t particularly clean either! Needless to say it wasn’t the relaxing evening with my boyfriend I thought it would be!

The parents finally arrive home ... at 2am!... bearing in mind it was a school night and they had promised to be home at a reasonable time I was fuming, especially as it looked like they have stopped off for a few extra drinks after doing their sales pitches etc. To add insult to injury they paid me well below the going hourly rate for my trouble and inconvenience not to mention feeding THEIR kids!
I didn’t say anything and asked the boyfriend not to either as I felt it would be awkward and I wasn’t confident about speaking up for myself back then but they did shoot themselves in the foot as I NEVER babysat for them again!

I look after my nephew for a weekend, he's 2. Sleeps through, generally an easy child. Their house is bigger/his things are there so my family essentially moved into their house for the weekend.

My sister provided a full fridge with meals and snacks for everyone, for all but the Saturday night (I said we already had a plan for that), an open invitation to anything else that was around (wine/beers/store cupboard things). I didn't expect it and we didn't discuss it, she just messaged me the night before I was due to arrive and said what she'd got in and to let her know if there was anything else and she could grab it on the way home from work before they left.

You've done considerably more graft than I did, you should definitely have been left with a weeks food shop, or the money to have one delivered.

This would spoil my friendship with them. I wouldn’t be interested in someone who’d treat me so thoughtlessly and ungratefully after such a massive, huge favour.

I'm super disorganised and general all over the place especially getting ready for holidays but even I would have arranged a meal plan with you in advance to include all the kids, you etc. I'd plan a Tescos shop for you before I left and probably have left new toys or something to distract.

That is awful OP, at the very least I'd be expecting a fully stocked fridge. They've only gone and shot themselves in the foot now though as they've lost a great babysitter!

Regardless of the fact of how close friends you are with them (and them also being disorganised) I'm staggered at how they think it's ok to leave a 6 month old baby with you along with their other/your other kids.

I've looked after my nephew on occasion for the odd weekend from when he was about 2 (he's now almost 4) and every time the parents have ensured there's money, food, ideas for things to do or not to do with him, classes to take him or not to etc. If I did have to pay for extra then I'd definitely be reimbursed. Granted both his parents are more organised but they're so grateful to get any childcare/babysitting for moreorless free (and with someone they trust, has included my DM too) that they're happy to make it easy for me. These people should have been the same.

I'm thinking back to when I was a child and my mum's best friend sometimes looked after us for this period in school holidays when mum and stepdad went away.

I'm positive my DM would've left strict instructions (DB was a chronic asthmatic) re medical emergencies, fully stocked fridge, extra money for incidentals, our outings were mostly to park and adventure playground a 15/20 minute walk away, but there'd have been money for drinks/ice creams etc and the house was always spotless and clean sheets etc. My DM also I recall left lasagnes in the freezer ready cooked and we were of an age where we wouldn't play up. DM reciprocated this favour though in kind - total of 4 DC.

👏👏👏👏

The fridge/freezer should have been left full. They should have left money for fuel and takeaway for everyone and money for entrance for zoo or cinema or somewhere for you all. You must be a saint. I hope this friend reciprocates.

I would require payment for that or at least full provisions in the house, and of course I would clarify this all beforehand.

If I didn't clarify it beforehand how could I be sure I could even afford to do all that? I don't have to money to wing it.

Healthy AND wealthy!!!

Why the hell didn't they PAY someone to do the honours for the week's holiday rather than use and abuse your lovely friendship??

I am outraged on your behalf.

No present however large would be enough to recover my opinion of her.
There is one thing in accepting such huge kindness from a friend, quite another to leave them and all the children and babies without a single meal!! 😮

I would ensure a full fridge and freezer, money for 2 takeaways at least, wine and choc for you plus house left spotless, all laundry done and put away, and then a spa weekend for you and an offer to look after your kids when you go. No idea if they did this intentionally or not but if it's an oversight it's fucking massive

Meals in fridge and freezer. Money for takeaway for you. Money for emergencies/ activities and your petrol paid. After they return I’d send flowers or a hamper with a card. ( and the pets should have been put in boarding)

Omg how on earth did you cope?? 😱I struggle with the school run with just my own primary age DC and baby 😱
Why on earth would they do that to you just for a holiday???! I could never sit and relax by a pool knowing someone else is looking after my FOUR children including a SIX MONTHS old??!!!

To be clear I didn't expect any money for activities to take the kids out. It was out of the question that we'd have gone anywhere, as previously said there is no vehicle that everyone would have fit in! The weather was decent so plan was base selves in house/garden for the weekend with the big ones going to the local park to play as they wished. This is what we did.

I stayed with the baby attached to me cooking and cleaning basically, but I wasn't PLANNING on going anywhere. It really pissed me off that I had to go out at all!

Crikey! I have a friend who 'just' cat sits in my house so I can go on hols. I leave the house full of her fave food, drinks, snacks etc. access to superfast wifi and Amazon Prime, AND bring her a lovely present back. For 4 kids as well, I would nominate her for a damehood !!

I would catsit quite happily because I love cats and they are easy, but would never mind any one else's children except my sister's and then only in case of an emergency.

I don't think any 'gift' can make up for being made to feel like they've made you feel, op. I'm very interested to know what it is though when you eventually receive it.

They've shot themselves in the foot really as you sound like a brilliant friend and now you're unlikely to want to help them out again.

No way in a million years would I ever agree to do this for anyone but in your case would have expected a fully stocked kitchen/fridge, clean and tidy house, with £100 left on the side for anything else required. Plus a lovely present at the end.

If someone did this for me I would be emotionally prepared to lick the ground they walked on before they stepped on it to keep their shoes clean because it was so generous.

I would however ask what foods they liked etc and would do a FULL food shop for everyone. I would meal prep as best I could, at least three week night teas of food I know they like - especially for the children (and I mean all children).

Additionally to that I would leave the house so fucking clean you could eat your tea off it, fresh beds etc. All the DC's clothes would be out and prepared and every admin job needed doing would be prepared - all money for clubs, uniform, school etc ready to go.

I would leave £200 for them during the week - £100 for the adults to get takeout and £100 for any other expenses.

Upon return I would present them with the biggest fuck off flowers I could. Have their kids whenever they requested and buy a present and a thank you card whilst reiterating how grateful we were. AS A MINIMUM.

Wow I can’t believe that you offered to do this in the first place and the parents are being absolute CFs. Can’t believe that they would leave a teething baby for more than one night either.

God op, how stressful for you. I would have been really pissed off. You were so kind to do this in the first place (I wouldn’t)

I can’t believe anyone could be so casual about it. I would have been stocking up, prepping everything. Left treats for you all (and lots of wine!)…… but then I would never have asked this of anyone in the first place.

Jeez people can be so odd. Hope you get to relax this weekend coming 💐

I really hope that you say something to these parents, don’t let it lie. You might lose their friendship but who needs friends like that anyway!

Soubds thoughtful and exactly what i would do if asking such a favour!

Unassertive is slowly improving her assertiveness!