If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

[Noclosure]

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

If the holiday was postponed due to covid and stuff, the 6-month old baby wasn't even part of the original plan. That is seriously CF territory, entirely different from the older children who get on with yours and you knew would all have fun together.

If (say if they had had a particularly awful time recently) it was deemed any way reasonable to go away without the baby, they should have organised one person to take the baby only and someone else the older children.

And that's all separate again from the money and shopping.

On top of working full-time.

I know it's hard but if you don't say anything I guess they will continue to be this selfish - although maybe they will even if you do say something. All you can do is not be the one to facilitate them next time.

I just think it’s a huge favour and not one to be offered again!

OP, did the cheeky fuckers call or text you at all whilst they were away to check whether you and their kids were ok?

Glad you're feeling a bit better OP. Finley us know what the gift is when it arrives! I think it will be very telling...

You sound a very nice person OP. And you were very generous and kind. And yes this is the type of thing I would take on if it was for friends too, despite what other posters are saying.

They let you down spectacularly!!! The very very least you could expect is food to eat. That would be a BASIC. Enough to feed you all. You were not there to do their shopping /chores for them.

Sounds like it was very stressful for you. On top of the energy required to look after a bunch of kids and a baby.

They are either CFs of the highest order or they do not have a clue. I despair of them. Doubt there will be much of a thank you gift. I think you know that.

Enjoy being back at home OP. Have a glass of wine in the bath. You sound like you are fond of them so remember no act of kindness is ever wasted. But be very very wary of them in the future.

Yes the kids had a great time.

No back story, no illness. They are healthy, wealthy, happy. Just had a holiday booked for the two of them.

It was a lovely thing you did for them. I'm sorry they were so disorganised.

Having babysat for family often - some would have ensured there was lots of food and nice 'treat' food too eg antipasti, nice cheese, snacks, wine, juice. Others wouldn't.

i think it makes a difference if very close family. Still a pisstake, but if you were the grandparent it might just be expected that youd muck in and be like an extra parent, but even then, its a massive deal.

Ive looked after my cousins kids for a weekend before, and was a bit meagre on luxury food, but it was not that stressful as no school runs or anything.

I think youve learned your lesson now. Dont do anything for them as they take the piss

This is diabolical behaviour from them. They sound like chaotic, ungrateful and thoughtless friends. I would keep my distance from now on. There was no thought towards their own DC with regards to provisions etc. Bizarre behaviour on their part

Hi

It sounds to me that your ‘friends’ couldn’t believe their luck when you agreed to have their kids( you’re obviously very kind, mad or both!😉) and were so busy (selfishly) thinking of their own needs/ break that they gave no thought WHATSOEVER for you, your kids or even theirs whilst they rushed to the door wiping their feet on you on the way out!- There’s a saying that springs to mind - Out of sight out of mind!

At the VERY least they could have reduced the burden by having another family member look after the baby (that’s a huge ask on its own) and YES the fridge/freezer should have been fully stocked, including treats for your kids and wine for yourself, washing/cleaning all done, money for fuel, activities PLUS extra for incidentals/extra treats.

Tbh I wouldn’t hold your breath over the ‘gift’ as I suspect it’s an afterthought as they’re feeling a little guilty (not even any duty free??) and if it’s anything like their lack of forward planning/ consideration of you etc is likely to be inadequate and add insult to Injury. Just a thought... You must have discussed how their break went, did they even ask how YOU got on looking after THEIR kids and running yourself ragged??

As someone else mentioned the best way to return the favour is to ensure you get THEM to sign up ASAP to look after your kids whilst you go away and leave them exactly as they left you- except I’m not so sure they would be as keen to return the favour! - Let’s be honest not many would sign up!

A final thought, you sound like a wonderful person with a kind heart who works incredibly hard(70 hours a week) and was taken advantage of. It WAS a shitty, inconsiderate, selfish thing to do to a good friend. I would put it down to experience and unfortunately I would be forced to reconsider my friendship, maybe put a little distance between you for awhile and don’t rush to respond to any contact.- just maybe the penny will drop and they’ll get the message. You really don’t need ‘friends’ Like that! Take care and put yourself and your OWN kids first. X

Yes they were on the phone the whole weekend to all the kids so constant contact

Nowhere near as entitled as yours Noclosure but I had a 'friend' like this a few years ago. We had two dogs so it wasn't a big deal when she asked if we could walk her new dog when she and her family went away for the weekend- it was a sweet little thing. Obviously we couldn't leave the dog on its own in their house all the time (as they suggested) so it came to ours. A couple of years later she also had guinea pigs and a rabbit and a horse. She wanted to go skiing for a week (Feb half term) and would I look after the animals for her - it was done in such a way that I couldn't say no. That week, temps went down to minus 10 and it snowed heavily. I worked full time, did her bloody horse before and after work (obviously with no running water (frozen solid) or electricity for lights) as well as all her animals. She didn't leave any money for dog food. My thank you gift was a pack of 5 different pate's obviously from duty free,

It took another 18 months until I finally said 'No' to looking after her animals for yet another weekend - she came round , let me have it verbally with both barrels then never spoke to me again. thankfully.

All of your account sounds nightmarishly familiar😡....friend had a pal like this...

Jaw-dropping... Nice pal would fund herself to travel 2 hours by train to facilitate user friends holiday /latest bloke weekend away.... /

She would be tasked with caring for... :

• 4 kids at different schools, incontinent dog and granny with dementia next door.... Youngest was 5.

(Because I was too nice) I'd get dragged into it to rescue /help nice friend.. The house was out of town... And the time nice pal arrived to discover the car was a brake deficient death trap... User friend was uncontactable in Spain somewhere. (how surprising...).

The key bits of utter hideousness :

No food left-literally cupboards had nada in them.
Same for animals
No cleaning products.

No dinner money for kids
No money for outings
No cash for fuel

Place would be filthy
Bed nice pal was expected to sleep in wasnt changed.

Remarkably, nice pal tolerated this user woman's behaviour several more times... 😁🙄😳.

Some time later when nice friend had enough... User woman (who was no more than an avoided acquaintance to me) rang me out of the blue...

Asked if I would look after her kids for SIX WEEKS for NO PAY in the middle of my uni finals😳😁😁.... So she could go on some course😳😳... She was very unpleasant to me when I said no...

The moment my nice pal stopped being a doormat... User woman dramatically cut her off... After 3 years of unpaid help...

She still owes pal many hundreds of pounds... She's moved on to exploit some other people.

Oh yes I forgot... Apart from all the incidental money... One of the kids would always have a school trip that HAD to be paid that day... Seems user mother used to say...' Ask Em she'll give you the money and we'll settle up after' .

She never did...

Cheeky fuckery at its worst.

I can't believe anyone would leave a 6 month old baby just to go on holiday unless it was their honeymoon.

That aside never agree to put yourself out like this again for them. Would they do the same for you, I highly doubt it! It's the height of selfishness not to have done a food ship for their kids and yours, I would have ordered plenty of treat food too.

You say they were in constant contact with the kids but what about YOU? If that was me I would want to know that my (very kind) friend wasn’t feeling overwhelmed 😩and was also having a good time🤔.- Or maybe they didn’t give a damn as long as they were ok! ☹️

My DS1 has taken a week off work to dog sit our elderly dog while we are away. I spent £100 on food and told him he has free access to wine etc while he is at our house and I will pay his train fare. Still only half the cost of boarding the dog.

As a gift, I would expect nothing less than a day trip to a spa in a hotel where you get totally pampered (might even throw in an overnight stay so that you can really unwind).

Anything less (in my mind) is piss poor and I really wouldn't be extending myself in their general direction in the future.

I don't know what you might be expecting but my advice is to value your time and put a value on that time. Work out how much you 'saved' them and if the gift doesn't match that, mention it to them.

Go about it like "Oh hi X and Y, you mentioned about getting me a gift for looking after the kids at the weekend. I was just wondering what you had in mind?" to try and find out if they value your time as much as you do.

@IamtheDevilsAvocado Omg! My hair is standing on end reading that! The one time I did a long stint for a friend, with 1 child, she not only had everything carefully prepared for house/food/child, she also activated her entire network. So throughout the weeks, I had people calling with social invitations for us, offers of babysitting, people dropping off food, home baking, flowers, and she'd bartered for some treatments to be offered. I was so well-supported. Some of these stories, I'm feeling very lucky, and relieved!

On the plus side, you are now massively in credit with them. I would start planning your own child-free trip now!

Then let them have your kids at their house, deliver them on the way to the airport with 50 quid and tell them to have a nice week.

jokes aside, wouldn't really be keen on leaving my kids with them tbh.

I send her a bill for food and your time. Please don’t be a mug and say yes again .

This is not babysitting, this is childminding, it's quite different

gettingolderandgrumpy
*Don’t be ridiculous they asked the op to look after the kids and she agreed . It was a bit shit that they forgot to do food shop but they did reimburse the op . Social services aren’t going to care no neglect whatsoever. Miscommunication and lack of organisation I’d say . Op too nice and parents expected to much of the op and assumed she will shop for the dc at the weekend as that’s what they do .
don’t do it again op and if you do clear communication even if it’s obvious.*

Hmmm, 'bit shit' = off the charts thoughtless, thoughtless, thoughtless

I’m always amazed at how many people on Mumsnet suggest leaving their children with someone who has let them down in some kind of tit-for-tat as if their precious children (well my children are precious to me) are pawns, punishments or bargaining tools.

Yes, they should definitely have left you plenty of stuff in the fridge at the very least. In their position, I'd have left a full fridge, wine, a few treats for you and the kids, and, given that it was a four-night stay and you were looking after four children including a six-month-old baby, I'd also have left a note with some cash for a takeaway and a bit extra in case of emergencies.

It sounds as if they're just a bit thoughtless and shambolic, rather than deliberately mean, but yes, I can see why you're annoyed!