If you did this sort of epic favour for someone, what would you expect them to provide

[Noclosure]

I feel I've been proper mugged off this weekend.

As a favour looked after a friend's 4 children and pets for 4 nights 5 days Fri-Tues so the couple could go on holiday.

The children include a teething and weaning 6 month baby who doesn't sleep. The older ones are in different primary school years.

The weekend included getting the kids off to their separate activities such as sports etc, some ferrying journeys and all the usual kid stuff you would expect including administration of medication, cooking, cleaning , laundry etc. Then all school runs on the Monday and Tuesday with the baby in tow.

What as a very minimum would you expect to be provided in the house if you are there to look after them but also have your own children there too? Would you expect to have to provide your own food for yourself and DC that weekend or would you think you'd just all eat together as a family?

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'm feeling really hurt and a bit taken advantage of with how things were left and what I had to do and provide/pay for so I'm just canvassing opinions.

Glad you're feeling better. I wouldn't hold your breath for this "gift".

Maybe revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait until they ask you for another favour and then calmly explain how disappointed you were last time to have to do a shop as soon as having to budget so much over the weekend, plus having to empty dishwasher and washing machine.

.

If you did this for me I would have:
Given you a fridge full of stuff plus anything you asked me to buy
wine
All TV subscriptions passwords
wine
I would have frozen at least 3 meals for the group
wine
money for a pizza / curry night
wine
my kidneys
wine
eleventy billion pounds.....................

You get my drift. The only thing I can think of, if they're usually decent people and don't get away that often, they just were totally last minute

Good to see your update @Noclosure ‘Maybe I was unclear. There were like pantry basics in, you know your tins of beans and all spices and cous cous whatever.’

It was quite disconcerting to think of the cupboards being truly bare.

I would never do that favour for someone 😂 but at the very least I would expect plenty of food to be provided for my own family, plus copious amounts of treats and wine!

I'd also expect them to leave stuff that is really easy to prepare, and if they're a good cook to have left some ready made meals. In short, I'd expect them to make life as easy as possible for me while I'm there!

Glad you've got your money back, but yeah, that was a crappy thing for them to do.

We went away for three nights recently. The original plan was for family to come to us. We'd planned to do a full shop before we left. They'd said they wanted to treat the DC to activities so we didn't need to leave money for that. Plans changed a few weeks before so the DC went to stay with different family instead (which they preferred). We transferred them £150 to cover additional food and any activities and told them to let us know if they needed more. We then brought back gifts for everyone, including their DC. And thanked them profusely.

You were absolutely INSANE to do that, OP. I can't get my head around it.

Friends did emergency childcare for a weekend as inlaws let us down for sisters wedding 🙄. Two well behaved early primary we gave friends vouchers for a nice restaurant.

The other similar childcare we did with them was very reciprocal - so just a bottle of wine for those weekends as we had had their two.

I would expect Social Services to be informed.

They should have left a fridge full of meals, lots of wine and given you a nice present.

Christ, when my friend fed my cat and emptied the litter tray when I've been on holiday, I've obviously left all the food etc needed and gotten her a present around £100 mark.

Anyway, you know she'll now look after your kids when you go away and you don't have to organise anything!

I imagine the gift is going to be something in the zone of a £5 bottle of wine.

I suspect your friends are uncaring as well as unorganised. They left you exhausted and feeling taken for a mug.

I think you’re right though - move on. Just put it all behind you but do NOT do these sorts of favours for people again without checking the small print. And give this particular couple a wide berth.

“Anyway, you know she'll now look after your kids when you go away and you don't have to organise anything!”

I wouldn’t trust them. I wouldn’t inflict that scenario on my DC.

When my MIL stays over at ours we leave enough money for takeout every night - I don't want her to have to be cooking if she doesn't want to. I also fully stock fridge/freezer and always leave her flowers and wine and a thank you card. I cancel all clubs that have to be driven to or arrange lifts with other parents.

And I practically kiss her arse when I get home!

Your friends are massive, selfish CF's OP. Don't ever agree to do it again and if they ask why not - tell them!

Don’t be ridiculous they asked the op to look after the kids and she agreed . It was a bit shit that they forgot to do food shop but they did reimburse the op . Social services aren’t going to care no neglect whatsoever. Miscommunication and lack of organisation I’d say . Op too nice and parents expected to much of the op and assumed she will shop for the dc at the weekend as that’s what they do .
don’t do it again op and if you do clear communication even if it’s obvious.

I would (and have for in laws doing childcare) leave some precooked meals in the freezer (lasagne, cottage pie, casserole etc) with a list of possible options. Have in lunch stuff - soup/bread/ham/salad etc.

Couple of bottles of wine/beer and say help yourself.

I’m glad you’re feeling better but they definitely owe you an apology and I’m. Not sure I could fully move in without one. My mum had my 3 (2,6,7) for two nights and I considered that a huge favour. I left specific easy things for kid’s dinners. Lots of lunch and breakfast options, pet food, wine and got some of her favourite gin as a gift. Clean sheets on two bed options for her in case one was uncomfortable and the place was spotless. Even then I would never ever have left her when my youngest was 6 months. That is too much to ask of anyone.

Awful behaviour OP, all I can say is you sound like a wonderfully kind friend and very skilled in looking after so many kids!! Many of us on here would love a friend like you (though I doubt many would take advantage of you like this couple did). Don't feel bad for being a good person! Just don't agree to anything this major as a favour again.

Please come back and let us know what, if any, gift you get for doing this huge favour for them.

I get a sneaky suspicion that it will be something as useless as a bunch of flowers (which while lovely to look at, really don't come close to saying "Thank you so so so so much for allowing us to go on this dirty weekend together")

Did the kids have a nice weekend with you? That's half (if not more) of the battle here.

There is one good thing to come out of this situation @Noclosure and that is that you now know what this couple are like and you'll be wise to their requests in the future!

Is there a back story?

Are they seriously ill? MH issues/breakdown? Something much bigger like cancer?

I am trying to fathom why you would ever agree to this in the first place
And why they have let you down so spectacularly......

If it is any of the above, I would forget about it and chalk it up to their situation being so difficult, but if not....I would never ever be doing it again. I can't imagine having such a generous and wonderful friend that is kind enough to put themselves out to this degree, and what a shame they don't seem to appreciate the huge huge thing you have done for them.

for you

From MN!!

You sound such a lovely person OP .(bet you work in a caring profession).

As above 🧀

Your friend sounds like a CF, learn to say No OP. No way would I have agreed to do this whatever the terms, would you ask your friend to do this for you? And what would her answer be? Don’t be a mug in future, I bet your friend is always thinking about booking another break! 😂

Actually I have 4 kids and wouldn't have left them with a 6 month old baby. And wouldn't have left such young kids with just one mum as well as her own kids unless it was an emergency.

When my mum has come to look after the kids on her own for 5 days (the youngest was 7) , I have cancelled clubs and organised lifts to and from school. I didn't organise meals because she wanted to do that.

Crikey, you deserve a medal, wish l has friends like you.

I hope they appreciate you in the future.

I expect the gift will be underwhelming and shit, and your friends will find something to moan about “omg there’s a teaspoon missing and they used up a six-pack of toilet roll”