Do you raise your eyebrows at people with 4 children?

[AnxietyForever]

Just above really? I always find 2 or 3 children are seen as the 'norm', what about 4 children?

I’m always imp

Pahhh, you're all amateurs !

When I was at Uni I dated a guy who was the 2nd eldest of 12.

Youngest 4, eldest 22.

Why do people wonder how big families can afford it?

They can afford it because they can.

It's really nobodies business how we afford our x4 DC but we both work very hard and never go on planes. You cut your cloth and all that.

Oh wow, that happened to a friend with her third children. She’d needed fertility treatment to conceive the first two, several years went by and she found herself expecting a third in her 40’s, no assistance required! It’s bizarre how nature works sometimes.

My DH has three siblings and he had a fantastic upbringing. It helped that there was a 4.5 age gap between the oldest pair and the younger ones, so the nappies and broken nights were well spread out 😂 Plus they were financially stable DH is close to all his siblings and his parents, he’s never felt that he missed out on anything.

We have two teenagers, that’s plenty for me.🤣

Lots of big families in my wider family. Nice for the kids to have that support when they’re all grown. I had four but only three living. One of my friends has 8! Don’t know how she does it but is a very good mum, caring, make everything from scratch, involved type. I was having my last as she was getting her first grandchild. That was surreal.

Posted too soon! I’m always impressed by people who have 4 and are able to hold it all together! I have two and probably won’t have more but I might have done had we met younger. I wouldn’t judge as long as you can provide for them all.

*4.5 year age gap

It depends on the family. I know a family with 4 kids where at least 1 would wander into the road on the school run. The parents seemed oblivious. I definitely judged them as there's no point having lots of kids and then being careless with them.

In contrast another 4 kid family I know have the most capable parents and the kids are lovely. They have 4 and can handle them, in a way that I couldn't. That's why they have 4 and I have 2.

So I probably am judging the parenting more than the number of children.

I am one of four. From experience, it’s too many kids for one set of parents.

People are entitled to wonder whatever they like as long as nobody is rude to your face about it. Its none of your business what people wonder. Everyone is entitled to think and have their own opinion Christ.

Only in that I can't imagine how on earth they survive!!

Lots if my childrens friends were one of four or more. I didn't think anything if it except that we awenes a bit skimpy compared to the others with us only having two kids

I notice the odd glance when I'm out with my 3 plus DP's 2. I couldn't care less really, we can have a really decent game of football or hide and seek or a lively party whenever the fancy takes us! Although I'm a bit glad we don't live together as 7 of us under one roof would feel like a LOT. My friend has 4 and I think she's marvellous. She's the best mum I know! Wouldn't cross my mind to judge!

I judge if they can’t afford to look after them without help from the state. Your kids, your responsibility. Otherwise, couldn’t care less. Oh yeah, also judged a mum at school with 5 who pretended to be a keyworker so they could go to school in lockdown. Turned out she liked having lots of kids but not when she had to care for them herself!

I’m one of 5 which was pretty normal as I grew up. If XH hadn’t buggered off with his PA and I’d met DH sooner I met have had more. As it happened, I’m more than happy with my two.

Lol exactly this!

Thank you all, there's not much that can be done about it now, It's interesting to get everyone's perspectives.
We both work and provide for our children, eldest is 9, so ages will be spread out..

As a child of a larger family I always feel sorry for the kids when I see these families. I'm sorry but there is no way you can spend quality time with each child, I have no good memories with my mother but plenty of me being expected to look after my younger siblings.

Agreed! This is exactly my brother and his wife who have number 5 on the way! Their house cannot accommodate the 4 they've already got, and she doesn't work! so fucking irresponsible. They have always been bailed out by my elderly mother. They are going to be in financial dire straits when she is no longer here. completely self inflicted.

As a child of a larger family I always feel sorry for the kids when I see these families. I'm sorry but there is no way you can spend quality time with each child, I have no good memories with my mother but plenty of me being expected to look after my younger siblings.

But not every family is the same. My mum is 1 of 7 & I'm 1 of 4, we wouldn't change it for anything.

I only have one and people judge me for that too…
i wouldn’t judge you but I might think how much hard work it must be.

I loved being one of four.

No, I don’t think it’s really any of my business but if I think about it at all, I think good for them. The larger families I know are some of the happiest I know.