Do you raise your eyebrows at people with 4 children?

[AnxietyForever]

Just above really? I always find 2 or 3 children are seen as the 'norm', what about 4 children?

Absolutely.

I have 3, and when people raise an eye brow (rare - when pregnant with dc3 after gap of 5 years, I was asked a few times if it was ‘an accident’. I always answered calmly and truthfully: no I had a miscarriage a year ago and this was a very planned and wanted pregnancy’.

I also add: DBIL only has 1 child: I am carbon offsetting against him.

I think they are either very brave or very wealthy

I think it depends on a lot of factors. I live in an area where 2 or 3 seems to be standard but have had shock at the third one we're having at work which is a much more geographically diverse group. Equally some people I know just seem much better set up for extra kids than others, whether it's money, free time, maternal instinct, or whatever.

You can't even get all your kids and both parents in 1 car unless you have a very large car.

So you can get everyone in the car then?

There really are some silly comments on this thread.

I have four DC, (in 6 years) found myself in same situation and was also sterilized during the delivery.

I feel that people transfer their personal feelings onto me. Where I come from, four children is very upper class. The country where we live has a declining population and so I get congratulated a lot.

People who have challenging children or don't enjoy being a parent as much as they expected make negative comments. Those who wanted to have more but couldn't make wistful comments, and fellow parents of four make 'keep going' comments.

Don't let any of it bother me, the comments reveal more about that person than me. I absolutely adore being a mother of four. I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home for 7 years and now, as a Montessori elementary teacher, I now have three of them in my class. (The eldest has SN so goes to a specialist school).

We are all incredibly close and enjoy each other's company. They don't get to go on expensive camps, designer clothes or super luxurious holidays but we eat together, camp a lot, they have their own interests and swimming lessons. So I don't feel that they miss out in any way, in terms of affection or attention.

The only downside is I cannot keep up with the housework and really wish I had help. Or a lot less 'stuff'. (Our families are all in the UK). And I do feel like a taxi driver a lot, but the eldest two are starting to use public transport now.

And, I really really feel that I have earnt that glass bottle of wine at the end of the week.

Its fine as long as they can afford to raise them with their own money. Not because they expect more benefits

Ridiculous comment. People only get benefits help towards the first 2 children and that's been the case for a good few years now. How about your educate yourself before you start judging people.

No, I'm one of 4 and love having 3 siblings. We're all very close to our parents and each other, it's a proper unit. Didn't want for anything materially growing up, quite spoilt if anything.

I know I couldn't cope with that many personally but if I thought I could I'd go for it!

I have 6 and we had people look at us like we’d just landed from space
all are polite and well behaved (they had their moments-looking at you last born)
I used to get comments about what a lovely family I had but they couldn’t do it (fair enough)
the only judgement I got to my face,was the kids secondary school-one snotty teacher made it clear I should have stopped at one,maybe two
i told her it was fuck all to do with her and we stayed enemies for the time they where there

I don’t know anyone with four but I’m in awe. I have 3 boys and I’d love a fourth to be honest, but I don’t fancy giving birth again. I am also tired 😂

I don’t judge I just think ‘fucking hell you must like kids!’

I imagine all the housework and running about and feel knackered just thinking about it.

But I don’t ‘raise eyebrows’. Different strokes.

I have 4, all close together.

We haven’t found it that difficult tbh. They tend to help and support each other.

I can’t imagine why anyone would judge us.

The environmental impact of having to many kids is a lot. The environmental toll of having even one child is enormous - 58.6 tonnes of carbon each year. It contributes to environmental degradation, resource depletion, poverty and inequality.

Grandchildren are not guaranteed, I'm one of 4 (7 years between us) and my mum only has 3 grandkids and 2 of these live halfway across the world.

I don’t judge but do wonder how parents of 4 cope/afford it! Slightly in awe, I have two and find it absolutely exhausting

I wouldn’t judge. It’s none of my business! I’d probably be secretly curious about how the day to day stuff works with that many kids, but that’s because I can barely cope with two. I always wanted 4, but my DTs broke me 😁

I have 3 (had 3 in 3 years) and am absolutely knackered. The only judging I’d do is to say well done for getting through each day! (I’d secretly be wondering how you manage all the laundry too!)

Have 2 but would have absolutely loved 4....but was not to be...congratulations OP...cherish x

Nah, you’ll be fine. I take the mick out of a colleague raising his own personal army of mini-workers (he has four 😄), but honestly, not an issue. Everyone will just be pleased for you.

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS btw!

I'm one of 4 and love it.

No - I think 5+ kids is getting on for a lot, but 4 is not that unusual. Wouldn't exactly 'raise eyebrows' at 5+ families either - I mean, in some areas you see them and know it's not culturally unusual, for example with ultra-orthodox Jewish families in Stamford Hill.

I think the biggest family I ever saw was on a ferry to Normandy - at first I thought it was 3 generations of a family, then it became apparent it was 8-9 kids aged 0-19ish. They were very sweet together with the older ones looking after the little ones.

No I’d say 4 is quite normal.
5 or more is when I notice but I still don’t judge.

I just wonder how they all fit in the car.

I do get the whole two kids being a bit vanilla for some people.

but why? I genuinely don’t get why a certain number of children makes you more or less interesting. If anything ( all other things being equal) more children will make you less interesting as you have less free time to do interesting things once you’ve finished parenting. Let’s face it, we all know child free people are , on average, more interesting than parents

@SomersetONeil is it silly or is it practical? I'm one of 4 myself and some people are delusion highly delusion if you think you can continue to have 2 plus kids and give them the SAME amount of 1 to 1 attention as you did before having less kids. Your quite right there's some very silly comments on this thread indeed! It's physically impossible

I grew up with 5 cousins and my aunt has never taken her kids on a coach trip or a train... SORRY TO BE FRANK.... but I know who the silly one is!

No, I just mind my own business really and let them get on with theirs

And we have an 8 seater car plus a cargo bike. And public transport passes. It works well. For camping, skiing, when parents visit or the kids have their friends over, we use the big car. For days out we use the train as it's cheaper than petrol and parking. And then for tootling about, we use the bike. The kids can also rent electric bikes or use the bikes they have.

There are always solutions. We don't rely on the car at all.