Do you raise your eyebrows at people with 4 children?

[AnxietyForever]

Just above really? I always find 2 or 3 children are seen as the 'norm', what about 4 children?

I've yet to meet a family with four children that are supporting themselves and not heavily reliant on benefits/taxcredits (yes I know there is a cap or something now)
I know absolutely loads of 4 + families who have parents that work and don’t have benefits.
Some have had two kids close in age, a significant age gap ( 10 plus years) and then two more , some have high incomes. Two I know have dad on a decent income and mum on her own business with hours that suit her. It wasn’t until I started working for social services that I came across families with lots of children that didn’t support themselves.

I am one of 7. We all achieved significant career success and each contribute to society at a professional and voluntary social level.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid.

I think so long as children are all cared for (fed, clothed, kept clean, have good manners, etc) and are loved, 4 or any number (I'd draw the line at about 7 or 8) is fine.

I have 3 and a sdc. I feel judged when out with the 4 of them together ( not often as teen does his own thing)
But i dont care tbh. I know they all get everything they need and want. They are all loved cared for and all have plenty of 1 to 1 time. ( however they prefer to do things together)

I only know one family with 4 kids- both parents work in senior jobs and have apparently never missed a school play or sports day. All the kids seem to be exceeding in a variety of extracircular activities plus are all really clever. I literally down know how they have managed as I’m run ragged with 2.

1/3 seem to be more typical. In general with each child you’re making a compromise between lifestyle/attention/money and an extra member of the family. I couldn’t imagine a big family at all personally but there are people who make things work well.

Sorry but I'm another one that would silently judge for environmental reasons

Quadruple the cuddles, kisses and love when little and quadruple the fun and interest being part of their very diverse and exciting young adult lives - that’s the return on investment for me. There was more laundry, homework, general busyness but they all mucked in which would have been my approach if I had only one.

mydogisthebest then I hope you stick to your guns...presumably you'd agree that our children shouldn't be expected to fund you in retirement, given your invective against them? The declining birth rate is propelling us all towards a pensions crisis...having said that, I know my children wouldn't resent supporting older people, even those with your unpalatable views.✈
Oscarthedog do you own dogs? Their carbon footprint is pretty significant 🐶
Oldraver (your name made me smile!) sometimes you can move from a position of relative affluence to poverty - illness, bereavement, job losses...the issue is whether people (mothers) should be shamed for legitimately claiming benefits to feed their children? Or should the workhouse make a comeback?

@GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok Yes, it annoys me when people talk about the environmental impact of having children now, because increased longevity is what’s really causing the world’s population growth. Declining fertility is a big problem in many countries.

Huge numbers of people in their 80’s and 90’s without enough younger people to replace them isn’t a good situation to be in.

One child is plenty for me. I am envious of people with 4, as long as there is enough attention and money to go round and nobody gets 'lost' in the family (middle child here!).

Declining fertility is not a problem, the world is grossly overpopulated and becoming more so. You might not like the fact that having multiple children makes this worse but it's still a fact.

What a ridiculous thing to say. The social, political and economic consequences of a declining working population carrying a growing elderly population is a crisis waiting to happen which is why many countries have many incentives to encourage population growth.

I'd feel a bit jealous as we never managed to have more than one. However, in reality we'd have limited it to two due to financial constraints and not wanting or expecting others to support us. So I'd say good luck to them if they can afford to support their family and not expect others to do it.

I don’t raise my eyebrows because it’s literally not my business. I just think ‘bloody hell imagine having 4/5/6 kids, I’d die’😂

Really admire those that have big families

I'm 26 with 3! And I always thought that was a lot of kids. But we manage quite well I could easily have another.

Why would anyone ‘raise’ there eyebrows
This always makes me smile in mn.
What affect does raised eyebrows have anything. It makes no impact and no one cares what ' you' think anyway.
Life is much easier when you mind your own business on things that dont matter or cant change anyway.

The failure rate of sterilisation is 0.5% if done alone, higher if done at the time of C section. Compare that to a 0.05% failure rate of the implant or coil......

4 isn't really a big family or out there.
I think if you had 5, then yes you'd probably get comments about being a big family. (Nothing wrong with having 5+ though).
But 4? I doubt many will bat an eyelid, some might mention it in small talk

Re the environmental argument, if you live a completely blameless life, recycle everything, never travel, don't consume anything processed, grow all your own food, don't own pets, then I'll accept your criticism of me for having 4 dc. In the meantime I take a view that we all contribute to pollution, but it's not ordinary individuals who are the ones dumping waste into rivers or pumping it into the atmosphere or dropping oil into the ocean. Although we all consume from those who do! What we really need is for all big business to become truly environmentally responsible and for all of us to stop flying for leisure so much and go back to a way of life with seasonal food not food flown halfway across the globe, less meat, fewer new clothes and stuff in general. People having 4 dc is nothing compared to the way virtually everyone lives these days. Normal people aren't obliged to make huge sacrifices while the major polluters carry on as normal. It's pissing in the wind at this point to focus on family size rather than the big issues.

We have 5, DH had the snip so that’s it for us. I think I’d probably have had another in all honesty but we don’t have another bedroom or space in the car . I don’t really care what people think, DH and I are both professionals with a masters so we’re not total degenerates.

@ImAvingOops who is saintly enough in your opinion to talk about climate change then? Seems like you've invented an impossible standard of perfection so nobody is ever allowed to talk about it.

The types of people who are talking about CC don't do the things you've listed, more often than not. They don't have big families, or the rest. Sounds like even if there was such a perfect person, you souls the listen to them anyway.

You are missing the point @blubbebubba. It's easy to raise eyebrows at large families and get all judgy re climate change because those doing the judging didn't want/couldn't have a large family themselves, so it doesn't cost them anything to judge and lay blame. But to do the things I've listed, which are also necessary if we are to fix climate change would result in those people making sacrifices and giving up parts of their lifestyle that they value. So unless they are going those things, I'm unwilling to accept their blame as valid.

Obviously very few people are living 'blameless' lives, so for me I think there's more value in addressing the big problems caused by how the majority live, rather than focusing on the actions of an individual.

Nope. But I live in Northern Ireland and even in my generation families with 6 or 7 children aren't uncommon.

An economy that requires population growth is a classic pyramid scheme. And is unsustainable.