Do you raise your eyebrows at people with 4 children?

[AnxietyForever]

Just above really? I always find 2 or 3 children are seen as the 'norm', what about 4 children?

I have 5 siblings, people were always disgusting about it to my mum, even relatives. It’s no one’s business how many kids the woman has and resenting that those kids are alive(THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE DOING)is pathetic, snobbish and as said none of your business. So it’s other way around for me, I raise my eyebrows at people who raise eyebrows at these women who have big families. All I know is that it’s super difficult, those kids are already there for reasons that aren’t your business so if you can’t help in some way or be non judgemental move on.

The only time I’ve ever felt judged for having 4 is on MN. In the real world, people sometimes express their…. I don’t know, admiration?! I hate labelling it as that because I don’t think being a mother is in itself particularly special, but we get lots of ‘you cope so well’ or ‘I could never do it like you do.’ It’s a bit embarrassing but well meant.

I don’t judge others either, though I may privately consider that more than 4 would be very difficult to give adequate time/attention to without some significant age gap(s).

My own DC have quite a nice age spread, so we’re not too thin. They do all extra curriculars they want, they’re properly provided for by working parents etc. It’s nobody else’s business how many children you have though, OP, but you need to have a thick enough skin to shake off the possible judgement.

I only managed to have one and so I look with envy at people with more. Maybe if I’d had more I’d have stopped after two or three as reality hit home. I’ll never know and I’ll continue to think people with larger families are blessed.

I have 4 and when they were younger we got lots of the
"You got your hands full" (R Yes it's wonderful)
"Rather you than me" (R" Yes I utterly agree)
"Don't you have a telly? (R Really ?? You'd rather watch telly? - got that one from a 4 or more forum and I used it a LOT - I found this question really intrusive)

Now they are all adults I get mostly
"I would have loved 4"
"4 is such a great number"
"You are so lucky"

and yes I agree I am lucky and I wouldn't be without any of them

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I'm incredibly judgemental of people with intentionally more babies than they can afford or cope with, be it one or a dozen. Children are precious and should be treated as such. Its good that we have a safety net for those with children who fall onto hard times, but I have no time for those who appear in the tabloids complaining about multiple children being born into a tiny flat with zero wages.

I grew up as one of 3, with stepsiblings now one of 6.
I have PCOS and thought I was infertile for years so I absolutely cherish my kids. They're amazing little ppeople. I get judged a lot, I've noticed that professionals seem to make assumptions in particular, but we do live in a council type area so I dont know if its that.
One of my brothers has 1 and when my family arrive its like a tornado compared to them. They're all fancy and quiet, SIL has perfect hair and make up, I usually have a pencil in my hair and a child asking me questions. Our DC are, different? (1 almost deaf, 1 autistic, 1 anxiety etc) and they talk non stop. It's very full on but I love my life.

No judgement or raised eyebrows from me. I had three children and did briefly consider a fourth but DH was not as keen so we didn't.

Not at all. 4 children is a great gift!
I have to admit, when I heard that an old acquaintance of mine had given birth to baby number 8 (hadn’t seen her since baby number 6), I was genuinely thinking, “that’s just too much now…”. 8 is my eyebrow raising number! 😆

My lovely children were born when I reached the grand old age(s) of 35, 37, 39 and 41 😂and at ages 19, 17, 15 and 12 are the funniest, kindest and most impressive people I know. Kindness and good manners are non-negotiable in our family, we just howl at some of the prurient comments we've heard!
I say, raise your eyebrows in unison all you want, but I wouldn't swap my flash mob disco-dancing, bully-shaming, thoughtful, brave and hysterical sons and daughter for some raddled old lifestyle preference. Ever.

Of course I do!

But then thats because I have 6 and I think that they're not really trying.

If you make a major life choice based on others judgement then they are doing life all wrong.

*YOU are doing life....

I always think they must have some good food money saving tips up their sleeves

😁💰

I have 4 , I do get the look of surprise sometimes. I think that's more that people don't realise as I have big age gaps and the older 2 are adults and younger 2 are junior school age

I went to school in the early 90s with a girl who had 9 siblings. In my family, 2-3 is normal. I have one, because my body failed me (too long a story to recount here). My husband's friend has a blended family of five (either adopted or natural). A colleague has six.

I don't judge. Every family is different. It's an individual choice how large you want your family. I might have liked 2, if only to have a sibling to annoy DD like my brother did to me, but any more I would not have coped. Each to their own.

I have five and my eyebrows are therefore permanently raised.

After three I developed a pretty thick skin.

Just look straight back at anyone giving you side eye, @AnxietyForever.

Congratulations! I love having 4 children.

I think four is in the normal range, albeit on the high side. If you can afford them, that's fine. I do judge people who continue to have kids that they can't afford to adequately house, or bring up reasonably comfortably. My mum was one of ten and she had a very unhappy childhood, with older kids bringing up younger and not enough money or parental attention to go around. I am an only, and I've had an only and am very happy with that!

Except it isn't really, because these children need school places and access to services, which are all stretched.
The UK is overpopulated.

Where does this narrative come from? The UK has an ageing population & a worryingly low birth rate. We have too many people living longer (which is a good thing) & not enough dc. We are facing a huge demographic shift. We either need more immigration or much higher taxation.

I'm one of four and love it. I have a good relationships with all my siblings and would love to have 4.
DH is one of two and can't stand his brother.

Congrats OP - I can assure you, the 4th child is definitely the best one 😁

Sorry but that’s just bullshit on so many levels!

I’d be impressed (and privately, would wonder how they could afford it) but I wouldn’t judge.

I did have a weird experience the other day - I was with a friend who had her little one in a buggy and asked if I could keep an eye on her DD while she went into a small shop. I was left holding the hand of my toddler, standing by the buggy of friend’s DD and I’m also very visibly heavily pregnant 😀I definitely got a couple of looks from people as I must have appeared to be on the verge of 3 under 3! Given I’ve only ever experienced having 1dc before that was a new experience and sadly I think people do judge quicker than I previously thought.

I have 6 so I do, like fucking slackers? Only 4?

That's similar to my 4. Two sets of two.

No. Loads of people I know have 4 dc. And this 'how do they afford it nonsense' as the main factor in lots of these posts is wierd too. We live in a normal bit of Surrey that is nice enough, diverse in low incomes, free school meals (my closest friend chair governor and she says this area has a high proportion) but also extreme wealth, huge many millions mansions, for Chelsea footballers etc. All the families of 4 (6 including parents) have more than enough money, children are happy and get more than enough attention.

Most of the assumptions on this thread are utter nonsense.

Would never judge unless they couldn't afford a decent life for them all. In my daughters year in primary school there were 4 families with 4 children (one 6). All were very well cared for, loved and families wealthy. Children are all adult now and doing well as far as I know.
I'm still in touch with the one who had 6, they're a very close family, children all doing well at university or work.