Do you raise your eyebrows at people with 4 children?

[AnxietyForever]

Just above really? I always find 2 or 3 children are seen as the 'norm', what about 4 children?

I'm a childminder but it's not obvious; and I get lots of rude judgey comments about "being busy" and not having a tv.

Also the planet cannot support the number of people it currently has. There is a massive population issue on this planet. An economy that requires an ever expanding population is a Ponzi scheme pure and simple so isn't really a reason for more children.

No, you're fine. Congratulations.

Might if you expected me to babysit regularly or play an important part in your childrens lives and I wasn't able to for whatever reason, or financially support you and your children at the detriment of mine ie you expected our collective children children to be treated equally by me when it came to gifts and financial help and my time, holidays, outings.

If not absolutely not my business and I would wish you well.

Really hope all the people preaching environmental responsibility don't give themselves a free pass to eat meat, drive and fly. The fact that extra people is the biggest contributor doesn't mean the others are insignificant and people get very sanctimonious about this particular thing

Sorry, but are you silly? @Eastlyne

• most people don't have 4+ kids, they have 0-2, so not hypocritical
• not everyone consumes endlessly and mindlessly buys things
• everything we do has a carbon footprint. I guess nobody who is alive has the right to comment on anything then
• all food production has a carbon footprint
• most people care more about green issues after having children
• since you also have kids, why do you not care for their future?
• whataboutery is generally a terrible, apathetic line of thought. You can't condemn emotional abuse if you've ever shouted by your logic, too.

...
By the way, I don't really judge larger families. I'm happy if children are loved and looked after, given how some children are horribly treated. But this mindset is pretty terrible.

I have to laugh at people judging others for having 4 kids because of global warming and overpopulation. Usually types who have multiple foreign holidays and drive big cars, makes me laugh SO much. It stems from jealousy.

I couldn’t care less how many kids people had to be honest. There’s plenty of women I know who simply don’t want children at all so I think that pretty much balances it out anyway. I mean who really cares?? Get a life and concentrate on your own family.

Well I have 4 so no I don't judge anyone with 4 or more just smile and say hi!

I know quite a few people with larger families than ours so 4 seems really normal!

I grew up in a country where contraception wasn't freely available, so large families were the norm. I have four siblings and my best friend is one of seven children. One of the families on my road had seven children and another had eight children. Times have changed now. Contraception is freely available and many mothers work, so they have to take childcare costs into consideration. People get married later and build up careers before embarking on parenthood. So it's unusual to see such large families these days. But I don't consider four children to be especially large and it wouldn't raise my eyebrows at all.

There are pros and cons to large families. For example, I hated having to share a bedroom with my two sisters. I had to wear a lot of second hand clothes (two older sisters). My parents really struggled financially. The quieter members of the family tended to get overlooked. But now that we're older and not on top of each other, I really appreciate the support and love of my many siblings. And I have lots of nieces and nephews which is a real bonus and something I never considered as a child. We've had so many fun Christmases as the nieces and nephews went through all the various stages from tiny babies to the young adults they are now. Lots of other nice family occasions too.

Life's short. Don't waste your time wondering what other people think.

I know a family with 6 kids - all of whom are raised in a chaotic, environment and demonstrate behaviours which are crying out for attention. The kids are fed and taken to school, but don't get much beyond that. Them, I judge.
But if you have 4 or more kids and are doing well with them, I would just be impressed that you were coping!

Also the planet cannot support the number of people it currently has. There is a massive population issue on this planet. An economy that requires an ever expanding population is a Ponzi scheme pure and simple so isn't really a reason for more children.

Many countries will see their populations halve at the end of the century, the developed world is in decline & it's happening faster than expected.
What does the reality look like when a country mainly has older people? For the UK the new health & social levy is a drop in the ocean in terms of what future taxes will be needed.
Countries like Africa are still young so will boom but they are just going through economic development like we did just later. But there is lots of handwringing about that & the too many babies rhetoric which has some racist connotations imo. Don't forget Africa's life expectancy is 63 vs Europe's 80.

No one is saying have loads more dc to fix it just that the odd family having 4 in the west is irrelevant as the UK birth rate is 1.6

We have 5 DDs and honestly only have had positive comments! Occasionally DH is asked if he wishes he had a boy type things but that’s all (He doesn’t 🙄 we were both delighted with either!).
Congratulations, OP! 💐

MN cut me off before I've finished my post 🙄

We have 4. From toddlers to teens, would have liked them closer but had some losses.

I'm a SAHM by choice. Don't know how people organise 2 parents working and a large family. Eventually I'd like a part time job when the time is right eg when all children settled at school but something that would fit around the children.

We make time for 1-1 with each child especially the teens eg we go out for breakfast on a weekend on our own

In terms of homework etc I like to think we are on the ball. Sunday at some point we all sit together and do homework even the toddler does drawing and calls it work 🤣

We also have lots of outdoor time as you can tell by my username, care for the environment as much as we can to offset our diesel car which we feel guilty about and wish we had gotten petrol. Regular donate to charity etc. Also use cloth nappies etc.

Someone asked about washing...we have a dedicated laundry / boot room. 8kg washer 8kg dryer but line dry where we can we also have a ceiling airer and a dehumidifier so things dry pretty fast. Also have a dedicated uniform basket so all uniform gets washed dried and put away in one big lot.

I know more families with 3/4+ then I do with 1 or 2. Having 3 or 4 seems to be the norm where I live. I personally wouldn't bat an eyelid at 4. I've got 3, would have loved a 4th but pregnancy nearly kills me off and youngest was a really stressful pregnancy/labour and he has sen, so practically I couldn't have coped with another. One of the 'best' mums i know has 6 children, really don't know how she does it, she is always so calm and relaxed!

4? Not really. Over 4, I’d wonder how they could afford it.

I have 6 and have only noticed judgement on mn
I used to get the 'don't you have a tv' comments etc but not so much now they're all in school.
I'm currently sat with 1 dc whilst he watches tv, dh is helping youngest with crafts, dc teen in bed still, 11 year old on a residential and eldest dd is visiting ds at university- it can be busy but it's not chaotic and they all get individual attention and time. I'm very lucky that we can afford them and to fund activities, holidays and university- the washing is endless though!
Congratulations op

I wish I had four tbh.

There are plenty of families who cope with no government/outside support.
There are many celebrity families, for a start, as well as more individual citizens.

@Fran456 gosh I've heard it all now comparing ordinarily working people to celebs. My God even Katie Price gets finicial assistance for Harv... you don't really know celebs finical status and I don't think a celebrity should be used to compare to people having 4 kids. It's highly likely that people are getting government help with 4 kids or more.

I'd think how lovely! But then I have 4 🙂

I don't get government help with my 4 and I've had a lot less money than Katie Price!
Of course she should get help with Harvey, not least because his father appears to do fuck all!

Really? The families I know with 4 or more children are all hospital consultants or dentists.

We had our 4 before all the tax credits, free nursery hours etc came in. We've both always worked, originally in shifts around the children, (DH and I passed on the stairs occasionally) until they were old enough for me to work full time normal day-time hours and earn more money. No benefits, no handouts, no extras.

As the eldest of 2 growing up I hugely resented being made to watch my brother AND get into trouble because he was such a PITA, so none of mine were ever expected to watch the others.

As adults they are all working, they keep in touch with each-other and are very close, with lots of memories of a very hands-on father. My only regret was that the menopause-baby that followed them is so much younger that she isn't part of their gang and didn't share their upbringing.

Yes Katie should get help of course I like her always been a fan! I think she's a good mother I've followed her shows BUT I she's one example... of having kids to different men it isn't fair on the kids is it. I'm not suggesting this is the same for people on this thread by any means.

I have one and honestly I don't know how you afford it my summer club is £40 per day... £160 a WEEK that's with me working 4 days a week. The term a lot of money obviously is relative .. hats off to you!

I work with surgeons and the older surgeons may have 4 kids but they are in their 60s but a lot of professionals today have less kids... that's what I notice because the woman too has a career so obviously has to go back to work to maintain it.

If I'm being honest I raise more of an eyebrow to those deliberately "one and done" than I do those with 4 or more children if they are working and can afford them

I doubt the actual number of DC tipped this family into chaos. You can see similar with one, two, three or ten children. Likely there are underlying issues with the parents ability to cope.