Text from handyman. How should I reply

[Horological]

A handyman came to fix something in the house yesterday. He was friendly but not overly so. We didn't chat that much, I thought it was quite a business like exchange. Shortly afterwards he messaged this:

*I am looking for a mentor. Like a life/career/success mentor.

You see, I come from a very adverse background and so want to learn as much as I can from successful people.

I have no idea whether or not you are successful, but from what I saw, your amazing property etc, you seem very happy, content and to me, seem successful.

I realise it’s a bit forward and open of me, but you know, life is short and I believe that if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Just looking for someone to sit with me over a coffee every now and again and discuss how things are going.

No worries if not.*

I'm not sure what to reply. He seemed to be quite successful. He's a construction project manager who does extra handyman stuff on the side. I am fairly sure he does quite well in his job, perhaps better than me. I can't imagine he really does need a mentor. I guess he's about 20 years older than me.

Not sure how to respond.

Thanks anyway and have a great afternoon

Er don't reply and block him? Sounds v dodgy to me!

Sorry for the long space at the end of the post.

Obviously I don't want a 'coffee' with him but I wondered whether a polite dismissal was in order rather than blocking?

you never know, if hes sucessful whats the harm

I agree sounds dodgy. I guess if you don't want to block him, a short response declining would be ok.

He is definitely not looking for a mentor 🚩

Just block him. You could tell him it’s was an inappropriate message first but blocking is the important bit. What a fucking weirdo.

Very weird and creepy. If it was me I would just ignore.

Oh my goodness. As well as leaving a really long space at the end of my post I realise I have written something entirely wrong. He is 20 years (I guess) YOUNGER than me. Not older!

Hm. That's odd. It reminds me of when, aged 13 , I invited a cute boy to study with me in the local library. He agreed, but brought a friend. Could this man perhaps be 12 years old and very awkward about flirting?

i think it’s a real compliment!

offer a phone call to talk through what areas he needs help with

If you have the time to do a phone call and can help him, why not? It’s great karma..

I will go against almost everyone here and say that there is absolutely no harm in politely refusing - especially if you want to use his services again!

I have declined being a mentor to someone before. What I said to them was - thank you for your kind message. I don’t have capacity at the moment to take on any additional formal or informal mentoring, but I’m sure with your “can-do” attitude you’ll soon find someone with the right experience and time to become a mentor to you.

Perhaps a version of this?

@dudsville that might be the case if we were 15 and 16 but I guess he's probably mid 30s and I am 60! I am in good shape for my age and might look mid 50s on a good day but this is not a case of teenage shyness!

How about 'LOL. Marry rich would be my advice.'

@dreamersdown that's a good response. There's a small chance he actually is looking for a mentor.

The OP has been quite clear she doesn’t want to mentor this man so why would you advise that she offer him a phone call and chat?

OP I’d probably block and ignore because I think it’s a very odd request and not appropriate. There’s plenty of ways to get formal life coaching that don’t involve messaging women and the basis of “you look like you’re successful”

But you say he's a construction manager who you think probably does better than you.

Why does he need a mentor?

@titchy too true. All of that guff in self help books about manifesting and following your dreams etc. I live in a big house and my job sounds good but no way would it have bought the house I live in. DH earned loads of money in a job which pays well but has little social value and doesn't actually involve much more work than what I do (public sector). This is why I wouldn't make a good mentor at all.

I think if you are in your 60s you may be mistaken he fancies you or something, not meaning to hurt your feelings. It’s more likely he is genuine and may see you more as someone to look up to.

You don't think he came up with that crap just for you. It's a cut and paste job for sure, just ignore, and dont use him for work again.

Sounds weird. He knows nothing about you and whether you can help him. Even the language sounds strange, not very natural.

Probably sends it to everyone with the goal of some sort of phishing scam. I'd avoid.

@Ricecakes889 some women are still attractive in their 60s!

I don't necessarily think he is making a pass at me though. That's why I think it's a really odd text. He seems to be quite successful already. I don't see what I could offer him as a mentor OR as someone to have 'coffee' with.

Better than the message I got from a handyman that fixed my fence

Older, shorter, bad teeth and his disabled wife in the car whilst he mended the fence.

An hour later I got a message offering his service as an escort 'at reduce rates' since I was so 'nice'

I, eventually, responded 'in your dreams mate'

This is a fantastic example of humble bragging (see the thread about it) 😂

Your post reminded me of a few experiences I have had with tradesmen lately. I am in contact with many in the course of my work and future plans in property development. Having discovered my inherited wealth (in the course of meetings about doing work on inherited properties), I have become devastatingly attractive in a tradesman 20 years younger than me...who texts asking to go for coffee so he can understand my years of experience being the 'lovely' woman I am (apparently)...and a roofer ten years younger I have used for years with no issues, who suddenly texts me declaring love/ lust at midnight. Quite embarrassing really and I assume they think I am naive. Apart from the fact it is grossly unprofessional to overstep boundaries with customers...lets face it, these skilled people work in your home or business on the impression they are competent and to be trusted...the Kanye West song 'Gold digga' should be fired up in your mind. Think how many other women he has pulled the mentor stunt on attempting to flatter their ego....in the hope the purse and underwear may pop open. Trades professionals needing a work coach can easily find someone specialised in their field.

Dodgy af just ignore it. Sounds like some sort of befriending scam where he tries to befriend you as a mentor to gain access to your property, or find out financial details then beg for money. Steer clear.

Yeah in all seriousness this.