Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Text from handyman. How should I reply

119 replies

Horological · 08/05/2022 21:57

A handyman came to fix something in the house yesterday. He was friendly but not overly so. We didn't chat that much, I thought it was quite a business like exchange. Shortly afterwards he messaged this:

*I am looking for a mentor. Like a life/career/success mentor.

You see, I come from a very adverse background and so want to learn as much as I can from successful people.

I have no idea whether or not you are successful, but from what I saw, your amazing property etc, you seem very happy, content and to me, seem successful.

I realise it’s a bit forward and open of me, but you know, life is short and I believe that if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Just looking for someone to sit with me over a coffee every now and again and discuss how things are going.

No worries if not.*

I'm not sure what to reply. He seemed to be quite successful. He's a construction project manager who does extra handyman stuff on the side. I am fairly sure he does quite well in his job, perhaps better than me. I can't imagine he really does need a mentor. I guess he's about 20 years older than me.

Not sure how to respond.

Thanks anyway and have a great afternoon

OP posts:
lisavanderpumpscloset · 08/05/2022 23:29

Could it be he's trying to hit on you?

How do you feel about his request?

Personally that's a weird one for me and not something I would ask over text.

sobeyondthehills · 08/05/2022 23:35

That reminds of a time when someone tried to sell me something like an early day MLM

MyCatIsAJerk · 08/05/2022 23:36

@Horological

Just a simple “No.” should suffice. If you want to be really polite, say “No thank you.”

Regularsizedrudy · 08/05/2022 23:40

MooFroo · 08/05/2022 22:15

i think it’s a real compliment!

offer a phone call to talk through what areas he needs help with

If you have the time to do a phone call and can help him, why not? It’s great karma..

This is painfully naive

HollowTalk · 08/05/2022 23:41

I think he actually does want a mentor. Mentors can be very very useful for somebody wanting to grow their business and become more successful. I would reply saying that you wouldn't be a suitable candidate but that he should look for someone who is more successful in his own field and ask them for advice. Do councils still have a Chamber of Commerce? That sort of place would be useful for him.

AnAfternoonWalk · 08/05/2022 23:41

He met you once while doing a handyman job for you and he tries to get you to be his “mentor”? One small chit chat conversation and he’s decided you are to be his mentor (sure).

Very weird and inappropriate. Mid 30s so he should know better.

I’d reply “When considering mentorships, my staff require a background check and list of references of people you’ve done work for in the last two years.”

See what he says. Let us know.

declutteringmymind · 08/05/2022 23:42

Just a reply 'That's awfully generous of you to think of me that way. Unfortunately I don't think there's a magic formula. Have you looked at a qualified life coach??? If your work is anything to go by then your well on your way, and I'll be recommending you in the future. Thanks again for your work and hope I can use your services again if I need them. '

HollowTalk · 08/05/2022 23:45

@AnAfternoonWalk That is not how mentorship works!

Blaze1886 · 08/05/2022 23:46

That's very weird

Don't reply

HikingforScenery · 08/05/2022 23:46

“Thank you for your message. I’m afraid I’m unable to provide any mentoring. Good luck in finding someone suitable”.

it doesn’t matter if he thinks you’re smoking hot, genuinely looking for a mentor or is trying to scam you. You’re not comfortable with it and that’s the only thing that matters

Sortilege · 08/05/2022 23:50

Horological · 08/05/2022 22:52

@dworky I was 59 in January.

I change small details in most of my posts. Most sensible people do. It's much odder that you advance searched me.

Quite right. Always alter small details.

The people who have time to AS completely benign stuff and then think small discrepancies are some kind of “gotcha” need their bumps felt.

Sortilege · 08/05/2022 23:52

Horological · 08/05/2022 22:55

@shrunkenhead I agree with what you (and others) have said that it looks like a copy and paste type of text. I guess he just tries it with lots of women who he could potentially scam. I'll ignore.

Yeah, this. I wonder what the hit rate is? The only tile
I’ve ever seen people do these really wacky things apparently sincerely is when there’s a big cultural difference, and even then it’s not your job to risk it.

Mothership4two · 08/05/2022 23:53

I wouldn't dump him as a handyman. It does not sound like a come on and cannot see how he would be able to scam you. It is a little out there, but people do odd things all the time. Just politely say no, it's not something you'd be comfortable doing.

HaveringWavering · 09/05/2022 00:09

VanGoghsDog · 08/05/2022 23:00

You could say "I wouldn't be a good mentor for you, but if you like I'll ask my husband if he would help you?".

Yes, that was what I was going to suggest too! Say that all the trappings of wealth that he saw were bought with your husband’s earnings. That would flush him out quick fast.

MassiveSalad22 · 09/05/2022 00:14

Wow I must be very naive, no way did I read that as dodgy/him trying to get in your pants. I immediately thought it was an obvious cut and paste with genuine intention to find a mentor. I am surprised people are so fiercely sure it’s a ploy to take advantage of you. I have definitely stuck my head above the parapet and messaged people like that before, in fact I got a couple of jobs by sending similar emails out of the blue (hopefully not as desperate sounding 😄).
Of course just say no or don’t reply, it doesn’t have to be some big outrageous thing.

perimenofertility · 09/05/2022 00:16

dreamersdown · 08/05/2022 22:16

I will go against almost everyone here and say that there is absolutely no harm in politely refusing - especially if you want to use his services again!

I have declined being a mentor to someone before. What I said to them was - thank you for your kind message. I don’t have capacity at the moment to take on any additional formal or informal mentoring, but I’m sure with your “can-do” attitude you’ll soon find someone with the right experience and time to become a mentor to you.

Perhaps a version of this?

This would be my response too. No need to be rude and no harm in replying. Just politely turn down his request.

Fraaahnces · 09/05/2022 00:21

I’ve come back to this thread to say that upon thinking about this thread, there is something insincere and ick about that text. (In a dodgy car salesman kind of way.) His use of language is subtly manipulative. I am beginning to wonder if this isn’t a test to see how vulnerable you are. Perhaps forward to the police in case he’s got form for this kind of behaviour. He may end up taking advantage of someone else.

DailySheetWasher · 09/05/2022 00:22

Horological · 08/05/2022 23:08

@watcherintherye that is a great response. That's what I'll do.

It's a good response except for the 'I'm really sorry' bit, I would take that out! You don't need to apologise for refusing.

Sqeebling · 09/05/2022 00:43

I read it as him grooming you for your house and money by befriending you in this weird 'mentor' way

Robinni · 09/05/2022 00:55

Say - Hi, I have a busy schedule and no experience with mentoring so can’t assist you with this. I wish you success with future endeavours. Take care.

then block after a day or two

BensonStabler · 09/05/2022 00:58

It could have three angles.

1: he want exactly what he said. (I doubt it)

2: he is using this line to get jiggy with the women he meets on the job.

3: he is casing your lovely home and it’s belongings, and is trying to get you out the house, or comfortable enough having him over again.

Personally i think it is the third option and is a dangerous red flag. Please do not give this man the benefit of the doubt. It is too much of a risk.

Dasher789 · 09/05/2022 01:06

My work are constantly encouraging us to find mentors and have templates for how to request politely so not sure it's a scam. I am 34. If you don't want to though just say you don't have the capacity or don't reply

GingerScallop · 09/05/2022 01:09

HikingforScenery · 08/05/2022 23:46

“Thank you for your message. I’m afraid I’m unable to provide any mentoring. Good luck in finding someone suitable”.

it doesn’t matter if he thinks you’re smoking hot, genuinely looking for a mentor or is trying to scam you. You’re not comfortable with it and that’s the only thing that matters

This. No harm in a firm polite no.

Am 44 and I wish I had had a mentor. I still do. Just because you are 30 and a project manager doesn't mean you know how to navigate the professional world. Obviously people from privileged backgrounds who have easy access can never envision a 30 year old PM needing a mentor. And even not knowing how to ask for one (I don't. And I don't even know how to interact with one and sadly I just realise from these responses that I would be laughed off if I tried). Of course he might be looking for a chance but a firm polite know covers all bases

oakleaffy · 09/05/2022 01:31

titchy · 08/05/2022 22:18

How about 'LOL. Marry rich would be my advice.'

Haha! Superb!
Maybe what he was trying to do with OP?

Doona · 09/05/2022 01:51

My siblings (successful) get asked to be mentors all the time. Sometimes they say yes, sometimes no. Nobody has ever tried to scam them or hook up with them by faking the need for a mentor as far as I know. Usually it's men who ask. People really do want mentors, it seems.