Text from handyman. How should I reply

[Horological]

A handyman came to fix something in the house yesterday. He was friendly but not overly so. We didn't chat that much, I thought it was quite a business like exchange. Shortly afterwards he messaged this:

*I am looking for a mentor. Like a life/career/success mentor.

You see, I come from a very adverse background and so want to learn as much as I can from successful people.

I have no idea whether or not you are successful, but from what I saw, your amazing property etc, you seem very happy, content and to me, seem successful.

I realise it’s a bit forward and open of me, but you know, life is short and I believe that if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Just looking for someone to sit with me over a coffee every now and again and discuss how things are going.

No worries if not.*

I'm not sure what to reply. He seemed to be quite successful. He's a construction project manager who does extra handyman stuff on the side. I am fairly sure he does quite well in his job, perhaps better than me. I can't imagine he really does need a mentor. I guess he's about 20 years older than me.

Not sure how to respond.

Thanks anyway and have a great afternoon

Sounds to me like a cut and paste 'pick-up' type line, designed to flatter you. I presume the hope is you'll fall for it, support his plans to set up some kind of venture and put some money into it. And maybe a little bit more money. And perhaps be guarantor for a loan... I'm speculating, obviously, but you sound very grounded and know deep down that just because you live in a nice house doesn't mean you have anything in the way of useful mentoring experience to offer.

There's a lot of this around. Men have realised that that older women have money and can be susceptible to flattery. Look at all the romance frauds where women are giving away their life savings.

He's chancing his arm. Presumably he meets new people practically every day of the week working as a handyman. If he tries it on with enough of them one day he might get lucky.

Put him off politely if he's likely to be useful to you in the future. Something along the lines of 'Flattered that you think I'd be a good mentor but it's not something I have time' and let your husband deal with him for further work. Play him as he'd play you, given the chance.

You don't necessarily have to use different handyman, just reply "this is a bit of an unusual text. We can't help, neither I nor DH work as mentors nor plan to"

Then don't get into any other conversations about it. Shut down any personal talk.

Thanks for all the replies. It's interesting how many different ways different people interpret this, which was exactly my problem. It's really hard to tell.

I do mentor people, though I didn't tell him this. However, I don't have the time for any extra responsibility and don't have any expertise at all in his field. So, It will be a polite no (I still haven't replied).

Men do not look for mentors in women that are 20 years younger than them. This is a pick up line, act accordingly.

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea he is 20 years younger than me. I made a mistake in my initial post which I later corrected.

Not sure what an advanced search is but wanted to see if you were a new poster as something seemed a lttle off to me. I immediately saw 57 when you'd just posted you were 60 so queried the discrepancy.

Omg

Sounds like he wants a date, but doesn't want to ask you directly in case he gets rejected.

Just weird they hardly talked why would he want her so called wisdm he doesnt even know op-and likewise she doesnt know him

he prob thinks the op is single

@whynotwhatknot he may well have thought I was single. I don't think I'm bad looking for my age, but he is probably 20 years younger than me and quite fit and attractive so I'd be surprised if he fancied me. I also don't know why he thought I could mentor him given that he knows so little about me. That's why the message was odd.

Would he have found anything about you from LinkedIn?

Just send a polite 'thanks for thinking of me but unfortunately I don't have capacity for any mentoring. I hope you find the right person and thanks for your help with the XYZ'.

Including the hard luck story would have put me off tbh even though I do of course understand that it is harder to get ahead if you don't have the connections, soft skills etc. Also saying that he was making a judgement on your house and apparent financial success etc seems a bit gauche. I would be worried about him understanding boundaries or becoming manipulative since his message crosses some subtle lines for a professional request.

@bluedelphinium ah that's a really good point that he could have looked on linkedin and found my profile which does present me as the kind of person who would mentor people.

I am at home sick today so I am lingering over this more than I should. I just need to send a quick thanks but no thanks message.

Oh course he’s not looking for a mentor, what the hell would that even entail? He’s looking for “old” (in his eyes) ladies to scam.

He is opportunistically trying it on but he is trying not to sound like a perv. I get this a lot as well. I have invented ways to tell them to FO without ever saying the two magic words! I have reflected upon it a lot and they probably do admire your house and assume that you have the magic key to prosperity and easy street.

Like yourself, my house does not reflect my attitude to work or making money.

They basically try to find a way into your bed to give themselves financial security. Just block.

@Soffit so how would you word a reply text to him?

Seriously, I wouldn't. Unless his work is truly exceptional and he is irreplaceable then I would just block. Any form of reply would open up a conversation that is not about his work which could be steered back to his first message.

I just messaged:
I don't think I would make a very good mentor! Best of luck with finding the right person

Then I blocked

Has no one heard of Dirty John?

John Meehan the scammer... who used dating apps as a way to make contact then scam women.

This has a similar vibe except using contacts made as a tradesman to assess then initiate the scam.

Ah I just read the premise of Dirty John @OhLordyWhatNow. It could well be something like that. Lucky escape!