Am I overreacting to this faintly misogynistic comment by friend's new husband?

[OperationMincemeat]

Should be in AIBU but too scared of that section! So putting it here.

I have a very close friend I have known since uni, part of a larger group of friends. Let's call her A. A has recently got married at 49 to a man I don't know well ( first marriage, child free). Let's call him B. At a recent lunch out with A, when discussing B's introversion and reluctance to socialise with the rest of us, she said " B doesn't like discussing mundane matters like what's cooking for lunch or childcare arrangements. He only likes to talk about important stuff and he will only stay at any social occasion for 90 minutes. He is very secure in his own company."

This rubbed me the wrong way. Most of our group are in our late 40s and early 50s, so looking after teens, the elderly and so on. So no doubt our convos tend to the mundane at times. B, like most men, doesn't do any care giving and therefore doesn't need to bother his pretty little head about what to cook for dinner. I wanted to point this out but as she is so recently married, I shut up.

Is this misogynistic? Course B wasn't there.

I'm exactly the same as him and I'm female.

I’m your age and female and I agree with your friend’s husband.

Could your friend be hinting that the conversations are getting a bit tedious when you all meet up?

Misogyny, maybe. Prize nob, definitely. I'd have said "oh ok" and filed him under wanker.

I agree with B’s perspective.
Don’t get upset about it.

Huh. So the mundane never creeps into your convos when you meet? It's hard not to ask say " How is your elderly mom doing?' Would be heartless not to.

The other subject we always talk about is books because all of us are big readers and 2 of us work in publishing. But B doesn't read much.

A is definitely hinting at that. But tbh after a pandemic and given current world situation, I am not sure I have the bandwidth to discuss the meaning of life.

Mmmm so doesn’t he want to join all female meet ups or all meet ups including couples? Understand the former but the latter is weird. When we go out in couple groups or mixed sex friendships the conversation is different to all women together discussing the menopause and looking after the elderlies.
I think there is a reason he’s only just married.

Can we not just say he is a self important twat?

Not convinced this can be classed as misogyny, but he sounds totally up his own arse and your friend is a dick for raving about his "achievement" of being "secure in his own company". Both sound more tediously boring than any dinner plan conversation.

We go out in couples mostly. ( DH and I are in the process of separating but that's another story). Oh god, I just realised we prob mentioned menopause.:)

Maybe we all don't realise how tedious we have become lately.

I can't believe she actually said that out loud.
It would make me smile inwardly tbh and wait for his insights on deep subjects on our next meeting. Oh yes.

Not sure this is misogynistic, fair enough to not want to talk about things that don't interest you. It doesn't give a good impression of him or of her telling you this in this way though . I would assume they no longer feel they gell with the group and and would let them move on to friends they feel more in common with or to be alone.

Oh, not to have to bother with the mundanities of life and just deal with what is ‘important’. Definitely someone to avoid - but don’t worry because he will be quite happy in his own company. See your friend away from his presence!

B doesn't like discussing mundane matters like what's cooking for lunch or childcare arrangements.

Those do sound like boring conversations, to be honest. I think what is grating is perhaps the way it was phrased by A - using the word 'mundane' (though it's not inaccurate) creates an impression of B. being self-important. It would have been better to phrase it more neutrally by leaving out the word 'mundane'.

Is this actually A saying please stop discussing your children in front of me?

My friend A has a large extended family and friendship group- who are obviously very excited about her marriage- and when B is invited to family occasions, he leaves after 90 minutes by faking a Zoom call he has to attend. I think he is just an extreme introvert. I must admit there have been weddings that I have felt like that! They now plan to move somewhere very rural and quiet.

Of not misogynistic, certainly arrogant. He thinks he's above your silly little chit chat. Sounds like a prize wanker tbh.

Also, since when was caring for your family not 'important'?

I was thinking the same.

This is either A or B saying that B doesn't like you.

If, not of. FFS! 🙄

Definitely could be. I do try not to bore on about my DC:) ( I have my sister for that).

I must say I feel like I have forgotten how to socialise in the pandemic. We do discuss other things, like Roe vs Wade, for instance.

Quote fail. I meant to say that this could be A telling us not to talk about our DC too much, and I get that.

Lots of people might think that. Not all of them will actually say it. Even fewer of their wives would repeat it. Sounds like a total wanker, whatever the reason. You're very lucky he doesn't want to join you.

It's her husband and maybe moving somewhere more rural she might get bored with him in time .

Overused word alert

Its not misogyny. Its just plain boring to talk about mundane stuff and for people with social anxiety/introversion or whatever he might have or describe himself as having its probably quite painful to sit there while his eyes glaze over

Im sure others would find his line of conversation quite dull as well.

Its simply about what interests you as a person, its not indicative of hating women.

Jesus

I don’t know if it’s misogynistic (can imagine plenty of women also not being interested in these topics) but I just think it’s incredibly rude to try and dictate conversation topics! It sounds like A is basically trying to tell you what topics can and cannot be discussed at social gatherings… I’m not interested in plenty of things, but I would be horrified if my DP said to a friend ‘oh by the way my DP finds this topic really boring, so let’s avoid it’.

OP do you think B asked A to mention this, or did A do it off her own back? In which case A is in the wrong, not B, IMO