I just need to check before I have a difficult conversation

[Isthiswhatithink]

This is someone I'm involved with.

He drinks tins of lager every night, average of 6-8, if sport is on its often 10 or more.

If I mention his drinking he cuts it down for a few nights to 4.

He used to drink a lot of spirits and got verbally nasty with it. He said he would stop drinking spirits entirely after a night he can't remember where he was telling me I was worthless, that I was nothing and just generally being awful.

He has stopped spirits for the main part now, but the minute he is out with someone else he is back on them again.

If he has to drive somewhere he will, but open a can the minute he gets back.

He says he can happily go without and occasionally does, but its only ever for a day or 2.

He can consume a lot without getting drunk, but when he gets drunk he is argumentative.

On the very rare occasion we are out together I am abandoned while he goes drinking with others.

He is totally thoughtless towards me when he has a drink in him.

I have now stopped drinking because I don't want to end up in an argument. If I'm sober I just listen and be quiet until he falls asleep.

I know, deep down, I know, but I think I just need to hear it.

@Isthiswhatithink you may well have done so before but I suggest contacting Womens Aid. You’ll be believed and supported. It’ll help you get some perspective and separate those feelings of guilt and obligation. They can also help with practical issues - planning to leave and implementing safety measures so you can feel secure in your home

Please, get some support in making this horrible
man leave. Where he goes and what he does afterwards is not your problem.

Your DC are adults, I believe? How do they feel about him?

My suggestion would be to tell them that you will be ending things with him and know he will get nasty and that he is threatening you. Tell them you'd like them to block his number and refuse to have anything to do with him.

Tell the police that he's threatening you, get women's aid on board.

This is coercive control.

Are your kids pf an age they can help?there comes an age where as kids we can step up.we don't need protecting as much and can become sometime protectors.if your were my mum,at my age now if step the he'll up and fight like a lioness to support,protect and be there.this man wouldn't harm a hair I tell u! Could you confide.
Also help wont t change things that happened no, maybe that the belief what you have to drop.its more to help you live with it.ways to cope,even to just offload.let your burdens be carried by others.to be listened to.someone to help you see your worthy when u can't believe it yourself yet.