Freaking out that move was a mistake

[waterrat]

Just made a huge move with husband and kids. Moved from large city to very popular seaside town....my obsessive dream for years.

I love the town and we now have a lovely rental on a great family road. People are friendly. But I am stunned by how heartbroken we all feel. My 9 year old is in pieces he keeps saying but we had such a great life. Younger child is okay but has gone very quiet. They had a really lovely circle of friends. Both children left behind friends of entire lifetime. We had an amazing community in thr city. My family are also back in the city. I loved my old neighbours so much I cry when I think about them. My husband didn't want to move generally although did go along with it. He says he feels heartsick now.

We could potentially change our minds as our house in thr city has not sold yet. But its under offer and would be v harsh on our buyers.

Secondary schools better here. Sea air etc and countryside better here but now I'm feeling we swapped community for a daydream. Although this is a friendly place I just didn't think quite clearly how much we lost and how hard it will be to build up again

Also. We built up a life on friendships from toddler age on. But now children much older and the playground and primary school just car less opportunity to meet people. It's a rapid drop and go at new primary I cried yesterday as I walked away

Settling down now, kids see benefits of new location and school better behaviour. I still have some worries, not that we moved, but that I've made some wrong choices as we've set ourselves up, but there's no blueprint! I take the view that a change is as good as a rest, and this experience is broadening all of our horizons that we can still be adventurous even when kids and careers are involved.

I’m going to be quite honest here. You and your husband need to try to hold it together as you are making this really rough on your children. They will purely follow your lead and him being heartbroken and you sitting crying at the site of your house is not ok behaviour to have in front of them. As adults you took this decision and as adults you need to try to make it easier for your kids, not behave like this as they will react the same, it’s awful for them to be invovled like this.

I totally agree with this. I get you are finding the change difficult but it's your job to set a positive example to your children. You made this decision for them so it's not on to then be crying about it in front of them. It won't help them settle and is adding to their confusion.

It took us about 3 years to settle after moving to America (then we moved again, then COVID happened 🤦‍♀️).

It's such a shame that people have to uproot their entire lives because the secondary school system is broken.