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Original poster

Would you live seperately if you could

109 replies

erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 10:08

If you are married or have been together a long time and had the choice to live apart but continue the relationship , finances all good etc would you?

Its unusual I agree. I'm just curious if anyone else has considered it.

OP posts:
Asti4ever · 05/05/2022 10:10

Yes

Namechangenora52 · 05/05/2022 10:12

Yes, me too

DogsAndGin · 05/05/2022 10:13

No. Companionship is one of the benefits of having a DH. We miss each other when we’re not together

SherlocksDeerstalker · 05/05/2022 10:13

100%

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 05/05/2022 10:16

Yes. I value my own space and independence. I actually wish my DP had never moved in, he's great in some ways but I find his clinginess suffocating sometimes.

MaggieFS · 05/05/2022 10:29

I haven't even been married that long, but I'd happily have my own bedroom and bathroom if poss Grin

Lsquiggles · 05/05/2022 10:48

No I wouldn't. I don't think it would feel like a real, grown up relationship personally if we lived apart.

Original poster
erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 10:50

@Lsquiggles

Have you been together long?

OP posts:
NeedAnOffSwitch · 05/05/2022 10:54

Absolutely not. 18 years in and we still break out into involuntary huge smiles when either one gets home from work each day.
In bed I find I naturally gravitate towards him, whether it's my hand on his arm, or my leg pressed up against his. He's my comforter.

I couldn't imagine living a boyfriend/girlfriend lifestyle again, one where we're not one unit.

HotChoc10 · 05/05/2022 10:55

Nope! I get a bit lonely when I have the odd week on my own to be honest, if he has a holiday with his friends. I might feel differently after 20 years of marriage though, at the moment I'm very happy to have him around.

TheHatinaCat · 05/05/2022 11:10

No, definitely not. I lived on my own when I was single. Now it's just me and DH.

I'm not very well at the moment and wouldn't have managed on my own. DH has been brilliant. He adds a lot of value to my life. I know that's not true of all men.

ImplementingTheDennisSystem · 05/05/2022 11:14

God no! Spending my free time with DH, eating a nice meal together each night, saying goodnight before we go to bed, waking up together - that's all part of what I want out of a marriage.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/05/2022 11:15

Yes but dh would like it - figure this sort of thing needs both to be happy with the arrangement.

Original poster
erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:21

@NeedAnOffSwitch

Those are interesting points.

I don't need a comforter and enjoy the time /nights we spend together. I also enjoy sleeping alone and being alone.

We are one unit we just happen to live in 2 houses. We are married not boyfriend/girlfriend.

OP posts:
PumpkinsandKittens · 05/05/2022 11:21

No, it’s funny how many people on here say yes but if a woman dares to post that her and her husband/partner live apart (mainly if they have kids) trust me they would be jumped on and told how terrible it is.

Original poster
erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:23

@PumpkinsandKittens

We do live apart. It works for us. We are both happy.

OP posts:
PumpkinsandKittens · 05/05/2022 11:24

erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:23

@PumpkinsandKittens

We do live apart. It works for us. We are both happy.

Do you have children?

Oblomov22 · 05/05/2022 11:24

God yes. Like Helen Bonham carter and Tim Burton had adjoining houses and just came together when fancied.
Wouldn't most people?

Oblomov22 · 05/05/2022 11:26

"Spending my free time with DH, eating a nice meal together each night, saying goodnight before we go to bed, waking up together - that's all part of what I want out of a marriage."

But you would do all that still. Just go to your own place when you occasionally fancied some space?

Original poster
erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:29

@PumpkinsandKittens

I do.

OP posts:
NeedAnOffSwitch · 05/05/2022 11:29

I can't imagine wanting to spend time apart from DH.

dontknowhow2help · 05/05/2022 11:31

Not separate houses, although I am really particular so obviously he often fails to meet my standards Blush but I love the separate bedrooms! I get that half the week due to his work commute (half time in office) as he gets up super early and I get woken by DD not long after so it's about sleep-saving Smile

LimeSegment · 05/05/2022 11:31

No, I've tried it in the past and it didn't work me. Rather than having all this time to yourself, I actually found the opposite. You have to spend quite a bit of time visiting them, or hosting them. You waste so much time travelling. You fall behind in your chores and pets are a problem.

You can't just do what you want in the evening if dp is coming over. For example, I live with my DH now, if I decide I want to go to the gym or meet a friend after work I just go, as I know I'll see him later anyway. With my previous live out partner, I'd have had to rush home to meet him for our "date".

Rather than being "there when you want them and gone when you don't", half the time it ends up being "there when you don't want them and not there when you do". If I want alone time in my house now, I just pop upstairs. If a live out dp is visiting you and you feel like alone time, tough luck. You can hardly tell them to piss off, after they've come over specially.

PumpkinsandKittens · 05/05/2022 11:34

erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:29

@PumpkinsandKittens

I do.

Oh interesting, I have children with my ex but we didn’t live together I was jumped on when I posted on here and told that it obviously wasn’t a serious relationship then... 🤷‍♀️

DameHelena · 05/05/2022 11:34

I do like the idea of having some time to myself, and would enjoy having some space that I could completely put my own stamp on (I always feel there's a bit of compromise when you're bidie-ins, even if you agree on decor etc).
But I might enjoy a 'halfway house' like living in one house but having a sitting room each and maybe even two kitchens, plus a separate bedroom each as well as a shared one.
Basically we'd need an enormous gaff, which isn't going to happen Grin