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Original poster

Would you live seperately if you could

109 replies

erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 10:08

If you are married or have been together a long time and had the choice to live apart but continue the relationship , finances all good etc would you?

Its unusual I agree. I'm just curious if anyone else has considered it.

OP posts:

amusedbush · 05/05/2022 17:27

DH and I have our own bedrooms, which is bloody great. When we lived in a one-bedroom flat, I often fantasised about moving in to the flat across the landing so we would be close but not joined at the hip - that urge has lessened now that we are in a house with our own space.

I love him and our current set-up but if we ever split (touch wood that doesn't happen!), I would never live with anyone again. I really value my own space and I need a lot of time alone to decompress. I could happily live alone.

ReadyToMoveIt · 05/05/2022 18:00

I’d have to cook my own dinner if DH lived elsewhere.

mydogisthebest · 05/05/2022 18:12

No, definitely not. I would hate it.

Been married 42 years and love being with DH. Of course he sometimes drives me mad but would not want to live separately. I wouldn't even want separate bedrooms

smith19784 · 05/05/2022 18:17

No but I would love my own bedroom. Mainly because I struggle to sleep when he starts snoring! I'd quite happily be in the same bed to watch tv in the evenings/mornings I just value my sleep.

FinallyHere · 05/05/2022 18:36

Wouldn't most people?

Quite honestly, I would much prefer my own place. For the first nearly ten years of our relationship we each worked so far from each other than we did not live together. We visited each other most weekends and in all that time, did not have a cross word.

Imaging my surprise quite how much adjustment was required when we did move in together. We have lasted (so far) another twenty odd years.

We share a house because while DH humours me in most things, living together when we can is his only condition.

No one will be surprised that he is the messy one in our house. He does cook but takes ages to get round to clearing up ... sigh.

Franklyfrost · 05/05/2022 18:38

Yes. Frankly, I could do transatlantic.

TheHatinaCat · 05/05/2022 18:42

Just because you live together doesn't mean that you don't get space. We're often doing our own thing under the same roof. If I wanted a week away on my own I'd just tell DH and go. I don't need to ask for permission.

Original poster

erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 18:44

@TheHatinaCat

There is having space and then there is sharing YOUR space.

OP posts:

duvetdayforeveryone · 05/05/2022 19:00

On Netflix at present Pride and Prejudice is available to stream.

I love the scene (57 minutes in) when Elizabeth visits her friend Charlotte. Charlotte has her own parlour where she is not disturbed by her husband Mr Colins 😄

I don't want my own home, but I would be open to the idea of my own parlour 😁

YukoandHiro · 05/05/2022 19:02

No but we give each other a lot of space so I never feel smothered

doggiescats · 05/05/2022 19:03

Yes 100% …I really do need my own space !

Hugasauras · 05/05/2022 19:05

No, but DH has always been good at giving me space when I want it so if I want an evening to myself I can easily have one. Tonight for example I fancy just reading my book on the sofa, so I will probably do that downstairs while he does bits in his man cave. He's not a hoverer.

We spend some nights doing things together, other nights doing things solo. We are fortunate enough we have quite a big house so plenty of room for each of us to do our own thing in peace!

Doyoumind · 05/05/2022 19:07

I'm single but if I were to get into a serious relationship again, I would. It would suit me perfectly.

Eddielizzard · 05/05/2022 19:09

Def would like my own bedroom. And own parlour, like Charlotte. Two houses would probably get me down, mainly because DH's would be a shit tip and I wouldn't want to go there.

ClaudineClare · 05/05/2022 19:14

Franklyfrost · 05/05/2022 18:38

Yes. Frankly, I could do transatlantic.

😅

SevenSistersStar · 05/05/2022 20:21

I wouldn't want to live apart but I love the idea of my own sitting room. It would basically be wall to wall books with a really comfy chair and lovely natural light :-)

bellac11 · 05/05/2022 20:22

Yes I dream of winning the lottery and on that same day the neighbours putting their house up for sale and I buy it as quick buy, then put a door in between and he can live next door.

vitaminC · 05/05/2022 21:03

Yes and it works for us.
It wasn't a choice initially - he found a job a few hours from home after several months unemployed, but it actually suits us.

We each do our own housework and laundry so no arguing about that.
Kids are grown up and independent so we meet up most weekends either at his or mine, or often go away for the weekend.

We still make big financial decisions together, have a joint bank account and speak on the phone every night.
It feels like having the best of both worlds!

KohlaParasaurus · 05/05/2022 21:31

I used to yearn for a tiny flat that was just mine when the DC were at home and DH was a SAHP and I was working long hours and had no space for myself in my own house and no home-alone time. I loved them all, but sometimes I just needed to hide and breathe. DH didn't see the problem. He missed me when I was out at work and wanted me close to him when I was at home. Now the DC have all left home and DH and I have different work patterns so I get home-alone time and the notion to live apart has completely gone away.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 05/05/2022 21:34

Absolutely!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/05/2022 22:46

No thanks - who’d bring me a nice cup of tea in the morning?

Badger1970 · 05/05/2022 22:59

I would.

I love him dearly but think I'd actually like him too if we weren't together so much (we work together as well as living together). I'm very aware that I get very irritable at times because he's just always under my feet, asking questions. I'd have a house with a sign over the door saying "anyone asking a question will be jet propelled straight back out again".

Trivester · 05/05/2022 23:08

I never thought I’d settle down to the whole house, marriage, dc lifestyle. I had planned on having my own space and maybe, a boyfriend who lived elsewhere.

Dh is the only human I’ve ever met that I don’t feel an urge to push away. We talk several times a day, I love hearing his car pull in, and my body just finds his at night.

The more time we spend together, the better. But I cannot imagine feeling like that about anyone else.

BigFatLiar · 05/05/2022 23:16

Two sets of council tax, two lots of utilities.

I did ask OH today about this and his response was we have relationships with others we care about who have their own house who can call and drop by etc. They're our friends and family, we just don't getvover amorous with them.
If you're relationship is one where you live seperate and get together for company and sex then it's not much more than a FWB setup which is fine if that's what you want.

Cravingsweets · 05/05/2022 23:18

Absolutely yes. I'm struggling to get dh on board with separate bedrooms without him feeling hurt and rejected though, I'd never get him on board with separate houses. I sleep so much better on my own.

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