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Original poster

Would you live seperately if you could

109 replies

erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 10:08

If you are married or have been together a long time and had the choice to live apart but continue the relationship , finances all good etc would you?

Its unusual I agree. I'm just curious if anyone else has considered it.

OP posts:
Original poster
erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:35

@NeedAnOffSwitch

I can't imagine wanting to be with someone all the time. We are all different. Luckily, as a couple, we both recognised that we need our own space.

OP posts:
ShopoholicIn · 05/05/2022 11:38

Nope

Pegasaurus · 05/05/2022 11:42

I'm divorced and never want to live with anyone again. I have made that clear to my partner and he seems OK with it.

I guess it suits some people and not others.

Original poster
erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:42

@LimeSegment

Well we don't have prearranged visitingGrin.

We don't have 'dates'.

We just phone and see if the other is free. It's perfectly ok to say no. If we need each other for anything at all we are together in a flash. There is no pressure.

OP posts:
LadyTwinkle · 05/05/2022 11:42

Yes! Mostly because my OH's slovenly habits drive me mad. It's like he's allergic to tidying up, and I just don't cope well with mess. I didn't realise how bad he was until he started working from home. I asked his dad if he could come back and live with them. He's dad laughed and said "NO!" 😢

gamerchick · 05/05/2022 11:44

Husband I could do either. Happy with my own bedroom. I wouldn't move in with another man again though if I lost him.

ReadyToMoveIt · 05/05/2022 11:45

Definitely not. We work as a team in the home and share everything 50:50 in terms of childcare and chores so it would make my life a hell of a lot harder if he wasn’t there.

YetAnotherNam · 05/05/2022 11:46

I’d love two adjacent flats/houses

ReadyToMoveIt · 05/05/2022 11:48

And I (and he) wouldn’t be able to just go to the gym, see friends etc when the urge struck us, I’d have to phone and check he was ok to come round and have the kids.
plus I like his presence. It’s comforting.

BreakorMake · 05/05/2022 11:52

If you haven't/cannot try it, don't mock it!

Most living together situations happen by osmosis, love, marriage, kids, finances.

They don't always stay harmonious every day though, it can be difficult for many people (on both sides of the partnership) to live at close quarters all the time.

Like others, I have had both, yes the loving, don't want to be apart ever, love you to bits etc. and the older me, who has moved on post divorce, and in this relationship have our own houses which suits us fantastically well. No need for "dates" or pre arranged visits, each has free rein to go to the other's house with mutual keys. A quick text is all that is needed (to get the lover out of the bed lol, joking....).

Once you are financially secure and happy to live your own life but still be a couple, it's fine. But it's not for everyone I admit.

Original poster
erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:53

@ReadyToMoveIt

My kids don't need looking after so different circumstances altogether. I can do what I like when I like anyway.

OP posts:
SquigglePigs · 05/05/2022 11:56

I'm not sure I'd want to live apart (together 16 yrs, living together 12, married 10). We do have small child though. I enjoy my own space and I get an evening to myself every week when he's out with friends. We do have our own bedrooms though and I'm not sure I could go back to sharing long term!

TulipsGarden · 05/05/2022 11:57

Not completely separately, but I would very much like my own (large) room and bathroom, preferably in my own part of the house. Essentially somewhere I can be properly alone, can't hear his music, can talk to myself without him hearing etc.

Clearly that's not going to happen in a small semi-detached 3 bed 😂

Original poster
erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 12:03

@BreakorMake

Perfectly put.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 05/05/2022 12:05

Nope, we sleep separately now mainly due to illness causing broken sleep. I still go in to him for a cuddle if I want and he comes in to me for a cuddle.

Early in our marriage I spent a lot of time working away from home. It was nice to have the big bed to myself at times but I missed him, I missed the girls. Wouldn't want to be away for any real time. Nice to be able to watch a program and talk about it with him. He can sense when I'm not right and is there for me. It's just right having him around, after he got out of hospital I told him he wasn't allowed to die before me.

RandomMess · 05/05/2022 12:07

Probably not but we have a big enough home that we have our own bedrooms and offices. Also DH does most of the cooking and household stuff become I do the taxi duties and all the driving.

With a new partner I probably wouldn't choose to live together as they'd take too much training up Wink

GayParis · 05/05/2022 12:08

Argh no! I'd hate it. I love being around DH. He is still WFH and I get to see him every day, I'd be so lonely without him around. We both have similar interests and watch the same things but also have slightly different interests so do our own thing but in each other's company. I do everything with him, he's my best friend.

Gosh I'd hate to wake up in the morning and not see him there and have his usually good morning cuddle & kiss Blush

RuthW · 05/05/2022 12:09

Yes, and we do.

VenusClapTrap · 05/05/2022 12:10

I get irritated by Dh and there are times when I miss the independent life I had in the little flat I had on my own before I met him. He used to go away a lot on business, pre covid, so I was used to having my own space regularly, and when all that stopped I found I missed it and just wanted him to bugger off and leave me in peace! But, he’s gone away this week on a cycling holiday and I’m surprising myself at how much I miss him. So i think on balance no, I wouldn’t like to live apart. But I can totally understand how this must work brilliantly for other people.

StarDolphins · 05/05/2022 12:10

I think it’s a great idea! I would love it!

Wayfairtwo · 05/05/2022 12:11

I couldn't. I love companionship. But we will sleep in diff rooms though lol

WhatIsThisPlease · 05/05/2022 12:12

In a heartbeat. We rent DP's house out but I'd bloody love it if he moved back in!!

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 05/05/2022 12:12

Already live separately from my long-term partner. We've never lived together and have no plans to in future. Neither of us want it, and I wouldn't share my home with another person under any circumstances anyway.

Furbaby65 · 05/05/2022 12:18

My parents have been married 57 years, they live together but apart. Have separate rooms to watch TV in, separate bathrooms and bedrooms. But they have all meals together at the table and go off on day trips all the time. It works for them

NellesVilla · 05/05/2022 12:19

Yes, I currently live alone and never wish to change this.

Living with others again would drive me nuts, even a partner (of which I don’t have currently anyway). I love living alone, am totally set in my ways and would hate anyone to fuck that up for me.

I can’t imagine sharing a home, a bedroom, a bed…the thought of someone else’s skin flecks and oils in my sheets…euuurrrrggghhh <shudders>, but I am on the asd spectrum so that could be a part of it.

But then again, I’m more than happy to have my little dog at the foot of my bed, so…