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Original poster

Would you live seperately if you could

109 replies

erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 10:08

If you are married or have been together a long time and had the choice to live apart but continue the relationship , finances all good etc would you?

Its unusual I agree. I'm just curious if anyone else has considered it.

OP posts:
Seraphinesupport · 05/05/2022 12:21

yes. i would live apart, do 50/50 childcare and just go on family outings and do date nights.

NellesVilla · 05/05/2022 12:21

Forgot to add that I have a relative who lives apart from their partner, but they have an evening meal together each day, go on holiday together regularly and go on walks together. Now that kind of relationship might suit me.

Seraphinesupport · 05/05/2022 12:23

also ive said if i ever divorce dh im not getting together with another man full time, no more marriage. no living together etc just dating. i wouldnt want another long term commitment. i hate it. i hate it all

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 05/05/2022 12:26

I don't want a separate house from my partner - he's very easy going and low maintenance. Should we ever separate though, I cannot envisage moving a new partner in. I'm too old to adjust to someone else's foibles and no longer rely on a second adult for childcare, and so I think the negatives would outweigh the positives.

I would however KILL for my own large, well appointed bedroom, to be kept at a temperature solely of my own choosing, lighting, bedding and mattress just to suit me, great speaker system and no TV. It's basically a sleep quality issue.

ReadyToMoveIt · 05/05/2022 12:31

erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:53

@ReadyToMoveIt

My kids don't need looking after so different circumstances altogether. I can do what I like when I like anyway.

Yeah I get that, I thought the question in the OP was about our circumstances? That’s what I was answering anyway!

annonymousse · 05/05/2022 12:33

Yes. Been doing it for 11 years. We've been together for 18 years. We are moving in together soon but will still have separate sitting rooms for if we need space away from each other and option for separate beds if we want. We love each other. We're married but it's worked well for us.

LimeSegment · 05/05/2022 12:45

erikbloodaxe · 05/05/2022 11:42

@LimeSegment

Well we don't have prearranged visitingGrin.

We don't have 'dates'.

We just phone and see if the other is free. It's perfectly ok to say no. If we need each other for anything at all we are together in a flash. There is no pressure.

That's fair enough, in the past though I've felt a bit awkward saying "OK you can go now" ten minutes after they arrive. But I'm not saying it's a bad idea in general, just giving my experiences as I have done it before for five years.

You asked would we do it and I answered. If your question was "I'm happy living apart, should I keep doing it?" I would have answered "yes of course".

ReadyToMoveIt · 05/05/2022 12:49

You asked would we do it and I answered. If your question was "I'm happy living apart, should I keep doing it?" I would have answered "yes of course"

This. I wouldn’t do it, for the reasons stated in my post that are relevant to my particular circumstances. But that doesn’t mean I think you shouldn’t do it in your circumstances.

LimeSegment · 05/05/2022 12:50

I was just saying living together usually isn't about being lovey dovey and spending every minute together, its about practicality. Saving time on travel, not having to pack a bag and not having what you need, being in your own house not visiting all the time, etc. Not saying you have to do it, or that it's better, but don't think everyone who lives together does it because they can't bare to be apart for a second.

TeeBee · 05/05/2022 12:53

This is exactly how I live my life OP. I love it. My DP comes over around three times per week and I adore his company but I'm also so happy to get back to having my own space and being able to concentrate on my work and children. I don't find living with someone necessary at all to conducting an adult relationship.

Swayingpalmtrees · 05/05/2022 13:00

We have been married for twenty years and I could not think of anything worse! I love the comfort of his presence and closeness. For me it would not feel like a marriage if we were apart.
I would also wonder if one or both parties will look for love and companionship elsewhere.
My dh has his own dressing room and bathroom, so we have our own space in that way. We are happy as we are.

thesausagebros · 05/05/2022 13:02

Definitely not! I still get excited seeing his work van drive into the street every day when he gets home. Companionship, company and contentness with just being together are key parts of why we're together

Thursday37 · 05/05/2022 13:10

Yes!

My parents do it, they divorced decades ago but have been back together but living separately for longer than they were married and divorced but single IYSWIM! They don’t ever want to live together again but spend a lot of time together and go on holidays etc.

CathyTre · 05/05/2022 13:38

I do and I’m married. You’re not alone!

Horsemad · 05/05/2022 14:02

I'd love it! Am contemplating turning the garage into an annexe for me. It would be pristine and stay tidy. 🙂

Rinatinabina · 05/05/2022 14:06

I would like my own wing of a house.

Whadda · 05/05/2022 14:08

I’d hate that. We’re together for over 20 years and genuinely enjoy each other’s company and spending as much time together as we can.

I’d feel very, very sad I’d my husband wanted to live away from me.

hellcatspanglelalala · 05/05/2022 14:14

Absolutely, I fantasise about it regularly.

MWNA · 05/05/2022 14:16

God yes. It's my dream.

Sunnytwobridges · 05/05/2022 14:55

Would love separate houses, maybe right next to each other or just down the street from each other. Would be perfect.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 05/05/2022 15:06

DH weekly commutes. Current pattern is usually Away Sunday afternoon- Thursday late evening, then home Thursday late evening to Sunday afternoon. ((Works from home Fridays, and doesn't take lunch Thursdays to allow him to finish at 4pm- its a 4-5hr trip).

Although logistically it can be difficult at times (I'm completely responsible for the kids for example)... I quite like my evenings alone with my crap TV, not compromise tv, food me and DDs like, then spreading out in the bed. He gets to enjoy his Zombie and car films too.

Then weekends together. Its actually a nice balance.

motogirl · 05/05/2022 15:09

No, it's what exh wanted. He's my exh now.

I didn't like living apart from dp, we lived together pretty quickly and years on now I still can't wait for him to get home

NellesVilla · 05/05/2022 16:29

A pp said upthread that they had their own bathrooms/dressing rooms etc. I think that’s slightly different to sharing a cramped one bedroom starter flat with one person; I still would want to live alone personally but admittedly sharing with a partner would be better when you have plenty of space and finances!

PermanentTemporary · 05/05/2022 16:34

It's true that if I were married to my bf I'd expect us to live together and would find it unusual if we didn't. We live apart at the moment and it works brilliantly and it's one of the reasons I don't want to marry him. I get to do my chaotic things and he gets to live a nice regulated life and we both see our friends. Ive always eventually found living together stifling in the past. But never say never.

TimBoothseyes · 05/05/2022 16:57

DP and me were together 16 years before he moved in 4 years ago. I love him to bits but I really wish he hadn't. It's a small bungalow and it just feels so cramped with 2 adults there.