Horrible text sent to child

[purpleme12]

My child had an argument with her friend on Friday at school. They rub each other up the wrong way as well as being friends I think. From what I can gather it's a bit one and a bit the other.

However then she WhatsApped this friend from my phone (this friend has her own phone) saying sorry this friend wrote back saying no!
I hate you.

She burst into tears.i took phone off her at this point as I didn't want any more upset.

Friend sent another
Text saying you're mean you make me feel bad.
But then a voice note which seems the most offensive saying
You said nobody ever wanted to be my friend so I hate you you said I'm a rudie so I hate you and no one will ever want to be your friend after I tell them this. (In quite a nasty voice)

This argument apparently started after she interrupted my child so she told her it's rude. I'm not saying my child is innocent in these interactions with her friend like I say I think it's a bit of one and a bit of the other with this friend
Obviously I won't be allowing messaging anymore but would you do anything about the text?

They're 8

It doesn't matter if the dc has their own phone or not. They have access to a phone which is surely the whole point.

At that age dc tend to have poor social skills. They hate each one day and want sleepovers the next. Don't get involved unless if becomes targeted and persistent.

Block the number and do not engage is my advice.

OP, if your DD has in fact started this by being nasty in the first place then this child is responding to that the way 8 year old girls often do. They are not equipped to deal with WhatsApp and it smacks a bit more reading it because you can interpret it any way you choose and often kids type as they say it and don’t have the cognitive awareness to think that aspect through. Your daughter needs to learn there are consequences to saying nasty things and you need to rethink access to phones at this age.

Okay so I’m clearly missing something here because where did OP’s child say these things? From what I recall from reading OP’s original post, the other child is the one that stated that she’s going to tell everyone about this and that nobody will like her after the fact.

What am I missing here?

@Kennykenkencat Op’s Dd made this girl feel bad and told her that she was rude and no one wanted to be her friend and had been mean, selfish and disrespectful towards her.

Ohhh I must have completely missed this. My mistake.

Okay well in that case, I think that OP needs to have a word with her daughter about how she should and should not treat other people. Additionally, the fact that all actions lead to consequences.

Not to say that I don’t still sympathise with OP but discovering that OP’s child started this has somewhat changed my opinion regarding this situation.

Thank you for clarifying.

What’s a rudie?

Nobody here can judge which child said what so just stop being the judge and jury - it’s stupid.

This is a typical age for peak bitchiness between girls ime. I do think that anything happening on school time is the responsibility of the school to handle.

These sorts of friendships are tricky where the two are attracted to each other but also clash.

I agree with this.

Your daughter told her in person that no one wanted to be her friend and she’s a rudie? Now she’s saying similar back to her and also says your daughter her makes her feel bad. Perfect time to teach your daughter about relationships and help her grow. She needs to apologize. Her words were harmful.

I would also call the mother and tell her what’s happening so she can support her daughter and you can work together to improve their relationship.

What on earth happened to "Be kind"?

Where on earth has anyone been horrible to OP? People have, for valid reasons, criticised the fact that she allowed her 8yo to use WhatsApp - and rightly so - as that's partially what's caused this problem in he first place.

"Be kind" really doesn't mean "never call anyone out for their behaviour and actions ever again".

I’d your child said those things to her friend then it’s hee that’s behaved the worst and I am appalled you cannot see it. And you even came on here wanting people to blame the other child.

awful

To clarify i have never maintained my child was innocent. (I believe the only thing I've put in this thread was how this argument started ie not how it cried on and the contents of the voicenotes/whatsapps.) To clarify this thread was specifically about the WhatsApp.
To clarify school are aware of the incident on Friday. They chose to move both of them down on the behaviour reward chart thing. I presume there's a reason for this?
Obviously I have spoken to her about her role in things. I can't see a reason why I wouldn't?
To clarify this is a friendship where they each tell each other they're besties one minute and then fall out and then each say sorry. The other day it was the friend who said sorry first then my child said sorry. This time my child said sorry.

You should send a message to the girls mother to let her know that it is your phone she is messaging. I don’t think it really matters who started the argument, Op’s daughter apologised and the other child didn’t accept it and chose to escalate the situation on the phone. The fact that she didn’t stop to this who might actually be reading and listening to the messages is a lesson that needs to be learned.

It’s irrelevant who started it. These are 8 year olds. The friend is carrying it on despite of an apology and doing it over texts and voice messages, she needs to stop. She needs someone to explain to her how those messages are there forever.

To clarify this is a friendship where they each tell each other they're besties one minute and then fall out and then each say sorry. The other day it was the friend who said sorry first then my child said sorry. This time my child said sorry.

Irrespective of who started what, I think we can all agree that at some point in our lives as children, we had a friendship much like the one OP describes here. I am quite confident the children will make up at some point.

The only thing that I will stress OP, is that your daughter should not have access to messaging devices at the age of 8. It’s too young. Their brains are still developing and they are still learning how to regulate their emotions, right from wrong, to share, to treat others kindly as you would like to be treated and so on.

So for that reason, discontinue her use of WhatsApp from your phone and if she has any devices that allow her to converse with others online, block this on parental controls.

Kids will be kids and ultimately, nobody is necessarily ‘in the wrong’ here. Just continue to encourage your child to be respectful and kind at all times, not to interrupt or snatch objects from other children etc, and I trust that this situation will be a thing of the past a couple of weeks from now.

@SinisterBumFacedCat It’s irrelevant who started it. These are 8 year olds. The friend is carrying it on despite of an apology and doing it over texts and voice messages, she needs to stop. She needs someone to explain to her how those messages are there forever.

This, however, I do agree with completely. The friend needs to stop doing that, hence why I suggested earlier that OP contacts the friend’s parents and explains that their child is doing this and should it continue, further action will be taken against the parents.

Too young to be on WhatsApp. Delete the messages, block the child as you’re an adult and it’s your phone.

As already stated, already decided no access to whatsapp

@fairylightsandwaxmelts
There are numerous posts on here criticising the OP for allowing her DD to have a phone at 8 despite her saying in the op "from my phone". Calls for her to delete WhatsApp, why?

Yes of course we have to call posters out, but as with everything there is a kind way and many ways of being anything but kind. There are plenty comments on here that are less than kind, mainly from posters who have chosen not to read and digest the OP.

That’s good to hear.

On another note, I think your questions have been answered now (!)

So as for the unhelpful, rude replies, ignore them and continue being the best mother that you can be to your daughter.

I think at this point you need to ring the other parent. It doesn't need to get her back up, but make her aware "hi, I didn't want to text X directly back in case I scared or upset her, but could you just remind X for me that DD doesn't have a phone, as she keeps sending quite mean messages to my phone. I won't be showing DD any of the messages but I have had a word with her about the mean stuff she said on Friday to X. If in the meantime you hear DD has said anything else, please do let me know; I'd hate for this girl drama to escalate more than it has already".

@fairylightsandwaxmelts I'm aware of this, thank you! I was highlighting the fact that OP's DD doesn't have a phone, in response to the countless posts asking why OP's DD has a phone at 8!!!!