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Original poster

Horrible text sent to child

145 replies

purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 09:40

My child had an argument with her friend on Friday at school. They rub each other up the wrong way as well as being friends I think. From what I can gather it's a bit one and a bit the other.

However then she WhatsApped this friend from my phone (this friend has her own phone) saying sorry this friend wrote back saying no!
I hate you.

She burst into tears.i took phone off her at this point as I didn't want any more upset.

Friend sent another
Text saying you're mean you make me feel bad.
But then a voice note which seems the most offensive saying
You said nobody ever wanted to be my friend so I hate you you said I'm a rudie so I hate you and no one will ever want to be your friend after I tell them this. (In quite a nasty voice)

This argument apparently started after she interrupted my child so she told her it's rude. I'm not saying my child is innocent in these interactions with her friend like I say I think it's a bit of one and a bit of the other with this friend
Obviously I won't be allowing messaging anymore but would you do anything about the text?

They're 8

OP posts:
dumdumduuuummmmm · 30/04/2022 09:50

you said nobody ever wanted to be my friend so I hate you you said I'm a rudie so I hate you
You child displayed bullying behaviour and this child responded. You refer to the manner in which the other child responded as 'nasty' but apart from saying it is a bit of each of them, your tone is definitely putting the weight of poor behaviour on the other child. You may wish to revisit this view. Telling an 8 year old that no one likes them is typically bullying behaviour.

TheGriffle · 30/04/2022 09:51

They’re 8, girls are awful at this age. They will be best friends when they’re back to school on Tuesday. If you know the mum maybe just mention the girls have had a falling out and that they’ve messaged each other, give her a chance to see what her daughter has put. But I wouldn’t get too worried about it.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/04/2022 09:51

A Rudie is not the same as being rude.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 09:51

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 30/04/2022 09:48

Also I’d be having words with my own daughter as it seems they’re their own worst enemies!

Yes there is a bit of this that's the problem.
I tell her to play with other people as well which she does to be fair. But she wants to also play with the people this child is playing with as well

OP posts:
MissNothing1991 · 30/04/2022 09:53

purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 09:50

When children are this age they say all the time I'm not your friend now. I like her better etc etc.
There's been many times my child tells me this.
But I have had a word about her part yes.
But she doesn't walk away when these things start/people say things to her which is how it escalates but is understandable I think. I'd find walking away hard never mind at that age.

Show quote history

No they don't. Even if they do, you're aware she does it yet clearly don't supervise messages sent to others. If someone sent a message like that to my daughter I'd be livid and I'd be on your doorstep telling you to teach your child right from wrong. The child was sticking for themselves, not surprised she wants to warn other kids.

LIZS · 30/04/2022 09:54

You allowed it to get out of hand. Take the phone away, let it simmer down over the weekend and suggest your dd makes other friends.

42isthemeaning · 30/04/2022 09:55

I think you've been given good advice to shut down the phone communications. I would also send a quick email to the class teacher to let them know what's happened and ask them kindly to keep an eye on your dd and the other child's interactions. If you get on well with the mum, speak to her in person and let her know they seem to have fallen out but don't apportion blame as you don't know exactly what has happened. The other mum really needs to take that phone off her dd and explain to her the possible consequences of sending messages of thjs nature.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 30/04/2022 09:57

I would just forget both sides now. Take phones away and don't share about the voice note. Encourage your child to make other friendships. Have a nice weekend with your child. It will probably be forgotten by Tuesday !!

Original poster
purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 09:57

MissNothing1991 · 30/04/2022 09:53

No they don't. Even if they do, you're aware she does it yet clearly don't supervise messages sent to others. If someone sent a message like that to my daughter I'd be livid and I'd be on your doorstep telling you to teach your child right from wrong. The child was sticking for themselves, not surprised she wants to warn other kids.

Show quote history

Ok fair enough they don't. I'm not going to argue.
Please can you tell me how I don't supervise my child texting? My child has never sent a nasty text
I know because she uses my phone.
In fact most of her texts are just saying hi!
And 'you're my bestie'

OP posts:
CatSpeakForDummies · 30/04/2022 09:58

Just because it might be a normal thing to say, does not mean you let it go. Bad behaviours stop being normal because parents step in and correct the behaviour and because they see consequences- not just by magically getting older.

You need to tell your child off for saying horrible things, saying the other girl has no friends is really mean.

grapewines · 30/04/2022 10:00

dumdumduuuummmmm · 30/04/2022 09:50

you said nobody ever wanted to be my friend so I hate you you said I'm a rudie so I hate you
You child displayed bullying behaviour and this child responded. You refer to the manner in which the other child responded as 'nasty' but apart from saying it is a bit of each of them, your tone is definitely putting the weight of poor behaviour on the other child. You may wish to revisit this view. Telling an 8 year old that no one likes them is typically bullying behaviour.

This! Your child was being mean.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 10:02

Just to clarify for some people replying.
As I have mentioned I have had a word with my child about the right and wrong thing to say in situations. As already said as well, I have never said my child is completely innocent.
It was the WhatsApp in particular that I posting about

Thank you for the useful posts. I agree of course no more WhatsApp.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 30/04/2022 10:03

You're downplaying your daughters part in this. She was mean.

Take the phone away. Don't let her have access to phone until 11, social media until the recommended ages (13, I think).

Send other mum a message along the lines of @SpringLobelia 's suggestion.

Tagliatellme · 30/04/2022 10:10

MistyFuckingQuigley · 30/04/2022 09:45

Yeah 8 is too young for mobile phones. But anyway, when my daughter was given nasty letters by her so called friend I involved the school and the friend got an absolute bollocking and was made to apologise. You have the proof of the bullying, use it.

Both children behaved badly. There's really no need to involve the school.

The furthest this needs to go is maybe to say to the other parent when next seen 'I think our girls had a falling out the other day. I've spoken to my daughter about her behaviour, and to make sure there's no more opportunity for any unpleasant message exchanges and upset, she won't have access to my phone'.

If someone said that to me, I'd do some digging to uncover my own child's part in this.

GettinPiggyWithIt · 30/04/2022 10:16

8 year olds shouldn’t have phones so this is on you

Original poster
purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 10:17

I have discussed with my child.
I have explained again why this is the reason she doesn't have a phone.
And no one will be using my phone to message anyone else anymore!

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 10:17

GettinPiggyWithIt · 30/04/2022 10:16

8 year olds shouldn’t have phones so this is on you

Thank you for the sensible replies

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 10:18

purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 10:17

Thank you for the sensible replies

Show quote history

God that wasn't supposed to quote this.
Opposite of a sensible reply as my child doesn't have one lol

OP posts:
Original poster
purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 10:18

Anyway thank you for the sensible replies

OP posts:
PinkSyCo · 30/04/2022 10:19

Apart from having a word with my DD about saying cruel things to her friend I wouldn’t do anything about the text. Why? What did you have in mind?

AnybodyAnywhere · 30/04/2022 10:20

When we were children we had fall outs all the time and nasty things were said…but they were face to face, not recorded, usually no parent involved and were forgotten the next day.
Children say things to each other that seem horribly cruel to us as adults but to them they’re just spur of the moment lashing out.
Give it a little time and they’ll sort it out.

Original poster
purpleme12 · 30/04/2022 10:21

PinkSyCo · 30/04/2022 10:19

Apart from having a word with my DD about saying cruel things to her friend I wouldn’t do anything about the text. Why? What did you have in mind?

Honestly I didn't really have anything in mind

I just wondered what the right thing to do here was/if anyone even would do anything or just nothing.

This is the first time anything like this has cropped up so it came as a surprise lol

OP posts:
Sleepeatrepeat · 30/04/2022 10:22

I have an 8 year old. She has a phone for playing games, hitting to me or her dad when she is with the other (we are seperated). She does not use it to speak to friends without it being tightly regulated.

@purpleme12 sorry but your child was cruel and nasty to the other girl. She displayed bullying behaviour. If I was the mum of the other child I would be heralding her for standing up for herself.

You need to teach you child to take responsibility bot fond reasons to excuse shitty behaviour.

I would be calling the other mum to apologise for my child's behaviour and hope to god she doesn't report your child's bullying to the school.

Sleepeatrepeat · 30/04/2022 10:22

Chatting not hitting obviously

Cauliflowersqueeze · 30/04/2022 10:23

WhatsApp has a minimum age of 16 and this is why.

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