Horrible text sent to child

[purpleme12]

My child had an argument with her friend on Friday at school. They rub each other up the wrong way as well as being friends I think. From what I can gather it's a bit one and a bit the other.

However then she WhatsApped this friend from my phone (this friend has her own phone) saying sorry this friend wrote back saying no!
I hate you.

She burst into tears.i took phone off her at this point as I didn't want any more upset.

Friend sent another
Text saying you're mean you make me feel bad.
But then a voice note which seems the most offensive saying
You said nobody ever wanted to be my friend so I hate you you said I'm a rudie so I hate you and no one will ever want to be your friend after I tell them this. (In quite a nasty voice)

This argument apparently started after she interrupted my child so she told her it's rude. I'm not saying my child is innocent in these interactions with her friend like I say I think it's a bit of one and a bit of the other with this friend
Obviously I won't be allowing messaging anymore but would you do anything about the text?

They're 8

That's fine.

Just to clarify for all the people mentioning bullying behaviour, school know about the incident on Friday and again just to clarify both girls were actually told off by the teacher my child said both went down on the reward behaviour thing they have.

So lesson learnt. No more WhatsApp or messaging for several years.

How about 8 years. WhatsApp is supposed to be for 16+ in the UK, because of stuff like this happening and affecting mh at a vulnerable age.

'My child said'...

You're still not seeing how your child is the bully in this scenario, are you? I get it, it's not an easy thing to come to terms with but unfortunately, as hard as it is, from what we've been told your child id the bully un this scenario.

You need to do your part in ending bullying behaviour.

My child said? Was there another way i should have worded this?

I wouldn't do anything other that what you've done. It all sounds quite normal for their age, the messages are immature and it's a bit ot tit for tat lashing out. They will probably be right as rain when they see each other in school and if not then just mention to the teacher they seem to have fallen out. Honestly, they propably say things like this in the playground too. Teens is a different story and there are certain situations where Id take it further (contact parents school or police depending on circumastances) but I don't think this warrents it.

Seems your daughter thought saying sorry was going to make it better.

If your daugher did say these things, I'd imagine the other child saying that no-one will want to be her friend, it probably what caused her to cry in the first place-having had time to think about it - she clearly realised she'd done wrong and started the 'sorry ' convo.

Sorry does sound as though you daughter is in the wrong, and yes may well be hurt now- but so is the other girl. Lesson to learn, ifyou give it, you get it back.

8 year olds shouldn't be texting their friends from their own phones or their parents phones. Communication can be bad enough verbally. Add in texting where they feel freer to be mean to each other and you get this.

And frankly, it sounds like your own daughter was quite vile telling her friend that nobody likes her or wants to be her friend. That is just as awful as what you're upset about. And that needs to be addressed.

I have no doubt they're acting this way in school at breaks and lunch times and must be doing their teachers/teaching assistant/midday supervisors' heads in with the drama. We have a bunch of year 3/4 girls who are doing exactly the same with verbal hurting each other like this and it judst.doesn't.stop. They're all as bad as each other and they're all prone to blaming each other and they're all telling their parents it's all the other girls. it's all of them. Equally. It's how they interact and it's a tough cycle to break.

This particular friendship seems to involve lots of 'you're my bestie' and then arguments and then 'i'm sorry' equally from both sides.

Which is why I encourage playing with others as well. But obviously I'm not there at school either.

My god, people on this site really cannot get past it when the OP (or in this case, the OP's child) is also in the wrong, can they? Totally ignoring the fact that the third party has gone even further....
OP has asked how to deal with the third party yet everybody is so hyper focused on what OP's DD has done 🙄

I’m pleased to hear that she did not hear the voice note as her so-called friend said some horrible things right there. Threatening to tell everyone and that nobody will be her friend after the fact? Inappropriate and spiteful.

Then again, I personally would not let my child either have a phone or have access to my phone to message her friends on WhatsApp at the age of 8.

As a pp said, I would either delete WhatsApp from your phone or refuse your child access to your phone for messaging purposes.

I feel that she is too young to a) have a mobile phone and b) be interacting on a messaging platform at her age.

Nevertheless, I am so sorry that you have found yourself in this situation OP and I feel for your little one. While you have indicated that your child may not be innocent in all of this, it gives the so-called friend absolutely no right to speak to your child like that and to threaten her. Explain to your child that this person is not her friend, that she must stay away from her from now on and that she will make new friends.

Best of luck OP and hugs to your little one 💐

OP'S CHILD DOES NOT HAVE A PHONE FFS 🤣

Another voicenote come through now 🙈

Had this with my DS, (then about 14), but similar thing, stupid falling out, and the language was bad because teenage boys. He was messaging a boy he'd known since they were 4 (xbox online gaming). Other boy's mother got our phone number from her DS and phoned me (we'd not had contact for a few years but I did know her). At first I thought she was being "my DS is perfect, yours is a monster" until I read the messages back then realised how bad it was, and my DS was definitely worse. He was duly disciplined and privileges removed, then I called her back to let her know and she'd also talked to her DS. They remained good mates for a while afterwards. (The only saving thing my DS had, was that despite a lot of insults, other mother was LGBT+ and he'd never mentioned it, so I was secretly a little proud of him for that.) In other words, kids can be a bit mean, and you don't fully know what your DS said in the first place, let it go, but, I would protect her by keeping her away from online messaging etc. There will come a point when you can't protect her and all you can do is prepare her for when that happens.

This.

I would also suggest speaking to the child’s parent(s) and explaining that irrespective of the fact that there may be wrong on both sides, that you do not wish for their child to have any further contact with your child due to the constant to-and-fro’ing. This can be confusing and I would even go as far as to say emotionally damaging for your child at such a young age.

Obviously do not show your child but what does it say? Do NOT delete it. Keep it as evidence in case this constant messaging of voice notes continues. This could very well escalate into harassment at which point you would need to get the police involved.

Telling someone that no none wants to be their friend is bullying and very unpleasant.

The response from the other girl that your DD is mean and that she hates her does not fall into the same category.

You need to address your daughters bullying behaviour first and foremost.

And phone ownership is irrelevant your DD is far too young for texting

I feel that she is too young to a) have a mobile phone and b) be interacting on a messaging platform at her age.

Apologies, OP. Ignore point a). You stated clearly that she does not have a phone of her own. My mistake.

8yr old girls can be awful friend wise. Besties one day then ignoring the next.

Just keep an eye. Never involve other parents as a pp suggested, if it escalates talk to the school but for now as everyone has said don't facilitate messaging just yet, although ours did have ipods from about 9/10ish for facetiming friends.

It's awful op, we want our kids to be happy obviously and to see them upset is hard but spats are very common at that age. I'd suggest she shrug it off and try and push other friendships, have other pals over over playdates.

@PegasusReturns You need to address your daughters bullying behaviour first and foremost.

Where did OP indicate that her daughter was exhibiting bullying behaviour?

OP stated that her daughter is not innocent in all of this and essentially has given as good as she has gotten but, I didn’t pick up on any form of bullying or threatening behaviours from the side of OP’s child?

It says I don't like you I hate you our friendship is over forever
I wish you'd move out of this schoo you're mean and selfish and disrespectful ends by saying I hate you again.

No she hasn't seen it

I think you need to ascertain what your daughter said.

It sounds six of one and half a dozen of the other. I concur 8 is FAR too young for them to be having access to mobiles etc. I would contact her Mum and say - 'the girls have had a spat, and I've decided DD needs a bit of a phone break. I've deleted her friend's numbers. Please let X know. Hopefully they sort it out on Monday - kids!'

That way the mum is aware, the friend is aware and speak to your daughter about how to handle this in future.

Why are 8 year olds using WhatsApp? 😬😬

kids say horrible things, usually to each other’s faces father than via text. Your making matters worse by allowing your 8 year old to use WhatsApp.

Harassment? They're eight!

If it carries on she tells the girl's mum, their teacher and blocks her number!

As said above (and even in OP) I have of course realised straight away it was mistake letting any access to WhatsApp
I don't think it helps keeping going on about it

Just delete voice mail and block.