Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

@TheFormidableMrsC

I really do hope that you do not make a complaint. The HV service is invaluable and as many others have said it's also a safeguarding issue. For you to be mildly inconvenienced because you know what you're doing is not an excuse to complain about somebody doing their job.

For what it's worth, my HV picked up my son's autism very early on and ensured he was assessed quickly and was amazingly supportive throughout. I too was an experienced parent with a child in her teens when my second was born, yet that hadn't occurred to me. Had she not been so on the ball, we might have been in a very different situation to the one we're in now.

But the OP has read a book so she knows better

I am quite shocked by many of the replies to this post.

Health visiting is an optional service. You have every right to opt out, and every right to expect your decision to be respected. It is not a safeguarding issue if you opt out, unless it is part of a wider picture where you are known to social services and there are concerns.

It is coercive to suggest that you have to say yes to these visits or else it is suspicious. You have every right to opt out!

I think you would be right to complain - you have every right to have your decision to opt out respected.

It must vary so much from area to area and so easy to slip through the cracks.

We moved house 2 and a half years ago right around when our twins were born. We had absolutely zero contact from the health visiting team and I would’ve actually quite liked some. Then obviously lockdown happened and I heard zero again. No weigh in clinics, no nothing.

I dread to think how anyone who needed proper support would’ve fared.

They are supposed to call and check in at regular intervals to protect children. I get it’s annoying to you but some children really need that overrsight

But you chose to have that service (and your GP could quite as easily have picked up the autism. Anyone could have. Not just an HV). The OP chose not to have that service. She has asked to be taken off their books. She is being harassed. She should make a complaint, because woman or mother should be hounded and harassed like that. She doesn't want the service. She said no. Her wishes are not being respected.

Thus she should complain if only to stop other mothers going through this. Perhaps the HV service will change the way they approach women and that can only be a win-win all around. Nothing changes if no one is being told what is happening.

I’ve always found the appointments a bit pointless and never really got much out of it but I wouldn’t decline one. I think it would be flagged as a safeguarding concern tbh, it looks a bit dodgy like you’re hiding something.

I had three health visitors over four children
none picked up my post natal depression
none picked up a developmental delay in on of my DC's that it then took me years to get appropriate support for
i declined all visits on dc 4 as by then I'd had enough and needed to crack on with looking after four children
she would still turn up
if resources are so thin use them for those who need and want them
its an optional service
and people saying ooh now they'll do lots of safeguarding checks
shame they don't spend their time on children that actually need it

And that's how women are bullied into not speaking out and not saying no.

Totally agree! As I was reading this post, the words jumping out of me was exactly what you wrote!

Circumstances/situations/times/siblings not taking to the newest addition etc can change so easily/quickly so yes another check is needed.

No, not at all - it's a totally optional service! You can also opt out of any part of it!

For example you could decline the early visits but still opt in to the 2 year checks if you had a concern at that point. You can also usually go to drop-in sessions with health visitors. You don't have to engage with them at all if you don't want to.

It's not really about safeguarding or checking whether the family's circumstances have changed. It's an optional service that women can either accept or decide to opt out of.

The HV has your and babies interest to lookout for. She was probably checking your baby is ok and you are not abusing it. During early years there are so few checks to protect baby. It would have taken you 10 mins to let her see your baby was ok and not abused, so yabu.

I think they are an unnecessary barrier to accessing medical support for women and young children. Women would be better served by being supported to use their GP effectively. As far as disability/serious illness goes I didn’t find them helpful at all, rather the opposite.

Funny isn't it how the same posters who are offended a HV turns up at their door are typically the very ones outraged and wondering where the HV was when a little baby gets murdered by either parent.

It would have taken you 10 mins to let her see your baby was ok and not abused, so yabu. I don’t think that’s true.

HVs don't just become because you need them. They have a duty to check on the welfare of the child.

There's been so much in the news about the abuse and death of children that have fallen through the SS net that they really do need to cover themselves by making check ups.

How do you know that @Drinkingallthewine

YABU, there are wains being neglected and worse. You can imagine the uproar if after something dreadful happened it came to light the parent cancelled all the appointments and turned the HV away.

@Drinkingallthewine

Funny isn't it how the same posters who are offended a HV turns up at their door are typically the very ones outraged and wondering where the HV was when a little baby gets murdered by either parent.

How do you know? Have you looked at each posters posting history in detail then?

'I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.'

Well, quite - my mother would agree with you totally and share tales of how she sent them away at the door in exactly the same way you did. The way you write of speaking to the Health Visitor could easily be her voice. Well, the voice she used when dealing with officialdom, at any rate.

It was how she ensured that nobody picked up on the neglect and abuse she exacted upon her children whilst they were too small to be terrified into silence or lying about how there were injuries.

The problem with all this, it's either mandatory or it's not. You can either opt out or you can't.

Saying 'well yes it isn't compulsory, you can opt out' is complete bullshit if you're then going to turn up unannounced at someone's house it should be made clear to people that opting out will be seen as suspicious

I’d have thought it was pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain that opting out would be seen as suspicious.

It’s always good to have a professional have a quick overview of your child. You don’t come across well here.

What in a 10 minute appointment where they also have to write notes?

No doubt if the OP and a few others start turning down HV appointments and making a fuss a government will legislate at some point that unless your young child is in childcare, you have to see a HV. Not a problem for the OP but will be a problem for any of her grandchildren.

Exactly. And that will be the case for thousands of children and babies without voices.