Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

No, it's not social services, and it's not mandatory - it's an optional service provided by the NHS.

@Blossomtoes

I’d have thought it was pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain that opting out would be seen as suspicious.

I opted out after my son was 4 months! For some reason I never saw the back of the HV. And I didn't have any issues, no MH problems. Nothing. Very happy baby and mum.

But she would often pop up or message asking to arrange a visit

I declined and then discharged myself from the service

When DC was 18 months I asked to be seen again, advising I was happy for 2 year checks but not regular visits as I simply had better things to do. They were always pointless. She never even weighed him. Just chatted to me

Presumably all the people complaining about "state interference" aren't the same ones abusing social workers and health visitors when a baby or child is killed or injured by its parents?

OP you come across as very arrogant and superior. I've a flaming PhD and read every damn book going before I had children but what I didn't know, and couldn't know because it only comes from professional experience, would fill volumes. For example, my health visitor picked up on my daughter's hip dysplasia - missed at a GP check - which meant that it was resolved with physio alone rather than surgery had it been left much longer. Perhaps you think you are perfect and that your children are in turn perfect - and I hope they are - but you are being very arrogant indeed to think you as one person know it all, can observe it all and would know what to do if you had concerns. How will you be if a teacher in the future notes concerns about your child? I hope you don't plan on taking a similar approach..

I’d have thought it was pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain that opting out would be seen as suspicious. a bit like homeschooling is “a bit suspicious” or being religious “a bit suspicious”? FFS you don’t have to see a HV if it isn’t helpful and if people think that’s “a bit suspicious” there isn’t a something wrong with them.

I am with you on this one, OP. It sounds like massive state overreach to me.

Hv aren't mandatory, but cancelling every appointment, then being rude on the doorstep will be ringing massive bells for them. I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up with a call or visit from social services as a follow up. It's very suspicious in the eyes of health care providers to deney them access repeatedly then becoming hostile when's she's popped by. And as much as it's a very small intrusion I'm struggling to understand why you're so against letting her do her checks?

Why should it be considered unusual, though?

Just because you have read a few books on child development doesn't make you an expert! I think you must now understand from the pattern of this thread that you are being unreasonable and to be quite honest childish and immature in your approach. HV and Midwives have a job to do. They have had specialised training and expertise in their field. Are you going to deliver your next child yourself because you've read some books on childbirth??!! Grow up!!

Do you read the news? Have you heard about all the babies and young children who have been abused by parents and carers, even killed in recent years? What would have happened if it was revealed in court that those parents hadn't seen a health visitor for years because they kept cancelling appointments? I'm not one to be overly dramatic, but health visitors have a role and they are there for the children as much as they are for you. While you know that you're a perfectly capable parent, your health visitor doesn't and she's got a responsibility to keep checking up on your family. Stop being rude, let the woman do her job and invite her in for a quick chat next time. You're not that important and your time isn't that precious.

That's a very strange conclusion to draw. Many people simply aren't comfortable with the state having a say in how they raise their own children, whether it's parenting techniques, potty training, feeding, sex education in the national curriculum, etc. I think it's shocking, for example, that in France children have to go to school from as young as 3. No government should have that much power or influence in how you raise your own kids.

No, not like that. What genuine, sensible reason would any normal person have to refuse to allow a health professional to see their child?

I would bet my mortgage that they are horrified and appalled when children die due to abuse/neglect, and 100% blame the state for not stopping it from happening.

But simultaneously can't see any value at all in a HV having a face to face chat with a mother to try to pick on any warning signs.

But OP didn't opt out. Had she done so at the beginning, this wouldn't be happening.
But her approach was simply to cancel every appointment, instead. And that raises instant red flags. Because they wouldstart to wonder why. Is she trying to hide some recent injuries?

HV are damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Her child is registered with the HVs because she didn't formally opt out. Because the child is registered with them, they have ot do their job.

Because they may be feel pressured into doing things they are not comfortable with, like those aspects of parenting which vary from culture to culture.

When DC was 18 months I asked to be seen again, advising I was happy for 2 year checks but not regular visits as I simply had better things to do. They were always pointless. She never even weighed him. Just chatted to me

Chatting to you isn't pointless. Lots of things can come up in chats that might indicate a need for support.

There's been so much in the news about the abuse and death of children that have fallen through the SS net that they really do need to cover themselves by making check ups.

Its not the responsibility of new mothers to put up with unwanted snd intrusive visits just so that HV can cover their own arses!
If you want a visit and think it will be helpful then crack on but if you choose to decline, that's your legal prerogative and you shouldn't be bullied or have your expressed wishes disregarded.

Yep.

Excellent response. Do you really consider yourself so important and special that the inconvenience is so great to communicate politely with her and explain why you don't need her service in person.

HV are fantastic and as many PP have pointed out, can spot signs like PND which Mums wrapped up in the craziness of a young family cannot. They are also trained to spot safeguarding concerns which cannot be done over the phone. It would not have hurt you to be polite rather than belittle her, your OP makes me judge you far more

Yes it is. Mumsnet has a borderline paranoid view of healthcare professionals, that they’re there to harass us or coerce us into unwanted appointments/treatments/procedures. It’s bizarre, why on Earth would they bother? And yes they should cover their own arse, why would they not for the sake of a person they don’t know?

You know you child is a separate individual, OP, with their own human rights? The checks is for your child, not you! If you refuse or obstruct health visitors then they may suspect you are not acting in the child’s best interests.

We don’t live in an off-grid utopia. We live in a country with laws and also a partial welfare state. Decline all you want for yourself but your child has their own rights!

As the majority of others have said. This is safeguarding and very rude of you to say what you said and to then think of making a complaint is even worse.

Over the current few days there have been horrific cases of children killed by stepfather's, mothers, relatives of said stepfather. Of course that isnt you but they dont know that.

You are definitely being unresonable.

Just to mention, HVs are fully qualified nurses and or midwives, who have completed a lot of extra training in practice and in university at degree level. Many also have post grad qualifications and a nurse prescribing qualification. The prescribing qualification can be especially useful for parents of young children, who find getting a GP appointment difficult.

From a safeguarding POV, I would be incredibly concerned for your Childrens welfare. This would of been exacerbated when you stood at the door making a fuss about her turning up.

@Franklin12 you can’t say of course that isn’t the OP. How on earth do we know that.