Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

Women are told of the services during pregnancy. They also go to the GP to get the baby's immunisations, and the GP checks over the baby and asks questions.

Yes, I know. I'm speaking hypothetically, and recognising OP's irritation is at the way the HV turned up without the visit being consented to, acting like the visit is mandatory when it isn't. You can't have it both ways, either it's mandatory and consequences follow if it's declined, or it's optional and people are respected and left alone if they decline. That's what's bothering OP and what a lot of people are missing when they talk about how crucial it is that HV see families: if it were that crucial, it'd be enshrined in law. It isn't.

They also go to the GP to get the baby's immunisations, and the GP checks over the baby and asks questions

There’s a huge shortage of GPs here. Appointments are like rocking horse shit if you’re ill. There’s no capacity in the system for checking babies and asking questions, ergo we have specifically trained health care professionals called health visitors.

I think the problem is you are not opted out of the service. By and large I believe once you’ve opted out they leave you alone. But you’re getting appointments and cancelling them, which says “this person opted in, has phoned to cancel appointments but has not opted out of the service”. So they have an obligation to check on baby because they are still under the service.
You can’t really pick and choose the services once you’re opted in, you’re expected to have all the checks your service does. You need to contact them and make it clear you are opting out all together as the service isn’t needed, rather than cancelling individual appointments as they come up, which obviously raises flags for the reasons lots of people have gone into.

Op didn’t opt in though she was “opted” 😳 only the person she cancelled the appointments with could have known she needed to “opt out” harder than she did or she’d just get a visit anyway.

Google says their are around 9000 GP surgeries in the country and around 6000 HVs. You could provide a dedicated Dr for under 5s one day a week for roughly the same money at every practice. (I’m not saying this is a good solution, I’m just pointing out the cost to patients).

No you couldn’t. What part of there aren’t enough GPs in the system don’t you understand?

Many HV’s will be part-time and don’t get paid the same as a GP.

Many HV’s will be part-time and don’t get paid the same as a GP.

I think HV are paid about half that of a junior DR, but I’m sure not the same. Perhaps there would be more GPs “in the system” if we trained more, imported more, and had more diverse roles available. Who knows?! My point was in response to the idea that HV were a good idea because it was hard to access a Dr.

I think HV are paid about half that of a junior DR, but I’m sure not the same. Perhaps there would be more GPs “in the system” if we trained more, imported more, and had more diverse roles available. Who knows?! My point was in response to the idea that HV were a good idea because it was hard to access a Dr.

When DS was a baby (well before COVID) I used to go to baby clinic nearly every week. Partly to get DS weighed but partly for meeting up with other parents. This was run by HVs and they were available to ask baby related questions. That wouldn't be cost effective to be run by GPs

Of course you can pick and chose the services you want. You don’t have to go to every baby weighing clinic. You don’t have to have every visit and you don’t have to go to every milestones check up.

It’s a service. Paid for by your taxes, that you can use or not use as you please (to the extent it is offered in your area). Just like you don’t have to go to every toddler story time at the library just because you get your kid a library card.

Where does this authoritarian, conformist tendency on MN come from?

@toomuchlaundry I think the social side you describe of that is usually filled by playgroups. I’m not sure extra medicalised weighing to avoid loneliness is really a good idea.

But it was also an opportunity to discuss medical aspects of your baby and feeding etc, picked up a couple of issues with my baby with discussions with HV. It was the first place I took my baby. As FTM I was quite nervous, so probably wouldn't have gone to a baby/toddler group without knowing anyone else. Had just moved to the area, so had no local friends. My midwife recommended it as could see I was nervous FTM and didn't have a social circle yet, so for me it was a godsend and probably an example of different services joining up to help mums. I didn't need to weigh my baby there if I didn't want, could have just sat down and chatted with other mums and helped myself to biscuits and cake!

I think baby clinics can have their place.

My child health clinics were extremely well attended. As well as me I had community nursery nurses and a registered children’s nurse working in the clinic. In an afternoon we would see up to thirty children between us. Quite cost effective when compared with seeing a GP.

My issue was that my 23 year old HV instructed me to attend the baby clinic and told me it would be good for me to mix with the other mothers. She didn't offer it as an option.

My baby weighing clinic was at a large GP practice and ran alongside surgeries. The one and only time I went we had to sit in a large grubby room with sick people where a child of about five wandered over to look at the baby and drip snot all over him. It was absolutely vile.

The HV I saw didn't look at me, was covered in dinner stains and when she put my DS on the scales I noticed they were reading a minus figure. She wrote in the book, without comment a weight that was 6oz less than the previous recorded figure. I noted the scales had recorded a minus figure and I'd like the scales reset. I got huffing and puffing and the NHS eyeroll. DS had actually gained 17oz, not that she'd have noticed either way or given two hoots.

She was clearly older than my 23 year old HV and clearly no more empathic or intelligent.

I fail to understand why any mother worth their salt would rely on these people.

Wandsworth, 1995.

YANBU

HVs are such a mixed bunch. I’ve had ok ones and really awful ones. I’d avoid them too.

There is always good and bad in every profession. Your experience doesn’t mean all HVs are useless. I believe passionately that I was a good nurse and health visitor. I had good relationships with my colleagues and the two GPs I worked with respected me enough to ask for my opinion. At the practice I was based at, parents could make appointments to see me and the GPs would refer parents to me. I was a nurse prescriber and parents frequently saw me for prescriptions for their children. I started a parent and child group locally, as we didn’t have one. It became very popular and the mothers would have a Christmas do, and I was invited and went.

Well if you were as rude to her as you are to everyone in here I can understand fully.

And I don’t believe you knew her age.

@50ShadesOfCatholic was that necessary? You can disagree without being horrid.

@dollymuchymuchness No one is suggesting you weren’t there for the people you cared for. It is my experience that there will always be some people for whom a particular service isn’t appropriate or they can’t get the benefit from. It may help others or may be better done another way for everyone. I think it’s healthy to discuss it and not really a case of “all bad” or “all good”, Genuinely my first HV was awful and the GP was very clear that my understanding of the situation was correct and she sorted it out for me. It’s many years ago now and the baby is a young woman herself. I feel sorry for the younger me when I think of that experience though I have had many happy times since CD and indeed many interactions with HVs that were more positive.

@50ShadesOfCatholic I surmised it at the time. It has been triangulated coincidentally but quite legitimately.

Just to point your lack of knowledge a health visitors training. They usually usually done 3 years nurse training to degree level then maybe midwifery approx 2 or 3 years then roughly 1 year training to be a health visitor. They are more qualified in their field child development than a doctor. I am glad you don”t live in our country with that attitude. The majority of the British public are proud of the services available from the nhs, I would love legislation to protect public services workers of verbal/ physical assault both in person & online. The original posters reaction was out of order & unnecessary.

@RosesAndHellebores So you are going to use your experience in 1995, so 27 years ago, to talk about 2022?

A lot has changed since then.

@RedWingBoots A lot has changed since then.
that’s interesting, what has?

@RedWingBoots not according to contemporaneous reports it hasn't. In fact according to the Maternity Alliance it has got worse.