Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

I agree - if what this country wants is compulsory state safeguarding inspections of all children, change the law and get on with it.

Until then - it is a free country and everyone can choose as they see fit.

It is the two-faced attitudes I can't bear, either make it compulsory or be open about it being optional.

Now I think of it, I had an unannounced visit when Dd was 7 or 8m. I had bought her to A&E with tonillitis while I had a broken collar bone. Looking back rhis might have been safeguarding, she came, was very pleasant watched Dd have her lunch then crawl around a bit and left. All fine and no drama.

Tonsillitis

@NeverDropYourMooncup whilst what you and your siblings suffered was reprehensible and your mother was unfit, if you are now in a position of responsibility re children, if you were unclean, full of nits and ticks, your mother was threatening the neighbours and the house was full of filthy animals, you were hardly from a respectable home and therefore your assertions against the views of others in relation to orevention is more than a little misplaced. Perhaps your teachers/school nurses/neighbours, etc, just didn't give a flying fuck.

I hope you have help and support in real life.

My feeling is that if they attempted to make it compulsory they would have to show compelling evidence that it worked. They’d have to streamline the advice given so you didn’t have to deal with the “do circumcise for cultural reasons” or “you’ll need to stop bfing” for imagined weight gain issues, or the gatekeeping of access to further medical expertise. You’d imagine that appointments could be made and kept with reasonable expectations on either side and that it would be a nhs department not some council run post code lottery.

I’m so sorry for the poster listing the horrific abuse of her and her siblings by her mother. I hope you all find peace with what happened to you one day.

You were absolutely right to feel annoyed.
It is NOT a safeguarding issue to refuse health visitor visits. For those who think it is just try raising real concerns about children you know ARE being harmed and see how far you get in the current system. ☹️ Surveillance of parents where there are no concerns just a wish to be independent is a waste of everyone's time.

Middle-class. They get a free pass for this stuff. Especially with the voice. The voice did a lot of heavy lifting. Blessed ponies, can't do a thing without picking up ticks. Couldn't possibly have said such a terrible thing to the child, she must have dreamed it. My late husband worked in Harley Street, you know.

Why would she tell you that? She's supposed to deliver a confidential service, not gossip about clients.

This was a bad breach of her confidentially requirements.

To be entirely fair I don't think my boiler did any heavy lifting. In fact it elicited snotty comments such as "and you can afford this house on one income - we have to live in a two bed flat and both work (midwife)" "you have an au-pair and don't work" with eye roll (midwife). Frankly I'd have got a more respectful service if I'd been on the 12th floor somewhere.

Regrettably your mother was a wicked and nasty piece of work but you can't blame it on the fact she was middle class and facilitated by people like me who expect high standards from those they deal with, particularly when those delivering services are grossly opaque about what they have actually been commissioned to do. It was because these highly trained hip's weren't doing their jobs properly as they frequently don't, regardless of personal circumstances.

Your childhood sounds horrific. Blame your mother and the professionals who should have been more vigilant.

I declined hv services because they weren't fit for purpose. Had I mistreated my dc it would and could have been picked up in a&e, in schools, events reported to the lado and to mash and then to ss when it was noted I had declined hv's.

Voice not boiler!

@RosesAndHellebores Of course class/race/education/wealth all play a part when we interact with professionals. My HV wanted to know which school I’d been to and what my father did 😱. She was odd.

Unless PlainJaneEyre lives in a small community than the person the HB mentioned would not be identifiable.
So quit the faux outrage.

HV not HB

Unless PlainJaneEyre lives in a small community than the person the HB mentioned would not be identifiable.
So quit the faux outrage.

The post said "near me" so it would have been easy to identify.
It seems HV's can do now wrong in some people's eyes.

Talking about someone being precious who has just had a baby is not identifiable.

I live in London. "Near me" includes three other boroughs. All those boroughs share some health services with us.

Anyone who wanted to be specific would have to say on the "next few roads".

No healthcare worker, including members of my own family and close friends, would be that dumb and they trust me to keep my mouth shut.

Not to go into too much detail but to identify individuals you don't know they would need to stand out a lot in your particular area or "near me" and how they stand out is normally physically.

I've worked in large towns and other cities outside London where I have friends living, and due to the sort of stuff they do and/or been involved in it is the same thing.

A HCP/HV should not about her patients with other patients or with anyone else unless that's required professionally.

That's it.

You can make excuses for bad professional conduct all you want. It's wrong and it's professional misconduct.

And it speaks volume for you, when you call this "faux outrage". I can only hope you are not a HCP yourself.

And this is why women don't trust their health visitors. Because they gossip and apparently that's OK.

This is just hearsay but repeat it often enough by the HV haters and people will believe it. Not only that but apparently all HV are gossips, so we shouldn’t trust them.

Pot, kettle, as far as gossip is concerned.

Hcps are allowed to talk about anonymised patients, of course they are. You are absolutely allowed to say 'I work on the covid ward - four of the patients are on ventilators. It's mainly older men who are needing venting' It's not okay to say 'Old Bert from down the road has covid, he's on a ventilator'

If this is the justification for having a state agent come into your home to check you aren't abusing your children it's surely also justification for having a state agent enter every home, on a regular basis, to make sure nobody is being abused within it?

Every home. Regularly. Just in case.

But it isn't. What you went through was horrendous, but it wasn't entirely out of sight. From what you say there were plenty of opportunities for the authorities to note concerns and act on those without sending someone into every home to check, just in case. The issue wasn't in the abuse being invisible, it was that authorities did not act when there were concerns - something that is even more likely in situations where resources are less readily available because they're being used checking up on families where there are no concerns.

But @dollymuchymuchness service users are not required to keep their interactions with HCP private. They can chat as much as they like about the HVs. The obligation for privacy and confidentiality is the providers. This is not a pot and kettle situation at all.

What ARE HV for? What is their purpose? Are their stats on how effective the service is at achieving those aims?

i sincerely doubt no one “gave a fuck” about NeverDropYourMooncup and her siblings as you do grotesquely put it.

far more likely they were very worried and any concerns raised fell on deaf ears. An HV visit could have been the key to a better childhood for her and so many others. And tbh, your dismissive and condescending response is offensive, how unpleasant you sound.

I had one check after the birth of my first child and she did that heel test on DC. That's all I had for the other 4. I never attended any ante-natal classes either, just the one confirmation from my GP then hospital as near to giving birth as possible.

How would an HV visit have been the key to a better childhood within the system NeverDropYourMooncup describes?

What would have made the HV's reports more readily listened to? And surely it would be better to avoid the expense and intrusiveness of universal state checks on parenting by improving SS's ability to triage reports from all sources instead?