Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

I haven’t read every message and while I agree that HVs are essential for helping with domestic abuse, midwives certainly for PND are amazing, our HVs were utterly unhelpful and only created anxiety. When the HV building in our town was torn down this year several of us with year 4 age kids said how it was the end of an era of horrible bullying that usually ended with us in tears.

It’s not about MY kids, though.

It’s about all the little ones who, by life’s lottery, were not fortunate enough to be born into a family and home environment like my children were.

@Fixyourself because it's subversive. The lack of transparency in a 21st Century first world country is very, very frightening.

TBF if the 23 year old had visited me ante-natally, it would have given me the opportunity to raise concerns with my GP (a qualified doctor) before my baby was born. Perhaps they'd have arranged for a more experienced and better equipped HCP to visit. In any event I could have opted put based on my ante natal experience.

In chosing a local GP I checked out local practices, in chosing where my baby would be born I checked out local maternity provision.

I did ask ante-natally how the midwife was appointed and was told by the hca (even in 1994 the were running ante-natal units) and was told that it would be who it would be like when your children were 5, they went to the school they were allocated . Not when you are 34 and the baby is very planned actually.

Had ds1 not arrived at 36.3, I'd have gone to the GP and sorted it then. I expect a choice vi's avis provision - even state dictated provision - to make sure it is up to the mark.

Our DC wouldn't have been sent to anything other than sn outstanding school - I'll be damned if I'll ever accept services that require improvement- from anywhere.

The NHS isn't free - it's free at the point of delivery

Find who the local head HV is and make a formal complaint . They will sort it . I had this happening but with vaccine phone calls ( we don’t vaccinate due to severe allergies in 2 of the kids ) all doctors , have previously agreed with this but there was one HV that was pushy . I eventually started a complaint and told her if she contacted me again I would also start a complain about you the nurse and midwifery council .

How the hv was appointed.

@dollymuchymuchness I bet the murdered and tortured children wish there had been more checks, not less or even none the murdered children who make the press are known children.

Yep Safeguarding - just doing her job!!!!
I'm sure you are doing just fine but politeness costs nothing …

I think it is wonderful that someone stood up to the health visitor they have other avenues they can pursue if they are worried. Why should we be bullied into doing things their way. Good for her.

YANBU

ojs.library.queensu.ca/index.php/surveillance-and-society/article/download/4158/4161/7255

You sound so rude.

I've had my 1st child when I was 17 and have gone on to have 4 more and I needed a lot of support with my youngest DS. My HV was amazing and supportive

They're not use to being denied access because so many mothers welcome the help and advice they can give. I The authorities simply aren't used to it.
So many children, though, have been harmed and Health visitors, social services denied access that it is a red flag.

Having said that, I'd be the same as you. I turfed our a carer for my mother-in-law and refused to allow her to step into the house again and came in for flak. I enjoyed that fight., but won.

I would stick to your guns but offer to take your child to your GP for an 'overhaul' if it happens again . There's so much interference that the authorities have become to believe they have rights which do not exist.

It's mot your job to make them feel better about themselves.

it may be something you can legally refuse but it wont stop it being flagged up as a safeguarding concern. there are lots of things you can refuse but it does not mean you should. like now if OP gets a visit from a social worker because the HV has concerns..... OP can refuse that social worker entry to the home too... but then that social worker can get an EPO so the children go into care until they have all the information they need to know that the children are safe at home..... not saying this wouod happen tho, just that it CAN happen

It really is time teachers and heath professionals stopped telling mothers what to do. These chidren are going to grow up hearing that their mothers are useless. Rein it back. There are better ways of working with parents

😃 Seconded. It’s sinister how submissive to the government people on here are. It’s gross, the use of the Child Protection Trojan Horse for surveillance and to treat all parents as potential criminals.

it may be something you can legally refuse but it wont stop it being flagged up as a safeguarding concern

Declining HV service does not get flagged as a safeguarding concern, in and of itself. It just doesn't.

Not everywhere they aren’t!!

In our county, HV’s are employed by the council - they can’t refer to health services, they can’t even write to a GP, simply telling the mother to go to the surgery and ask for referrals - in fact, here the HV’s notes can’t be accessed by the GPs but can be seen by Council Tax, Waste Collections and any other department of the council!!

Good for you that you enjoyed the chat, not everyone does enjoy it - or even want it!! I had he 3 weeks in hospital before we came home and had countless phone calls the from the HV telling me I had to let her visit me at home to do newborn hearing checks - we were still in hospital so weren’t even under the HV team’s care!!

Optional service. The government do not own your child and my first HV missed things that nearly killed my first born. So I declined any visits with my second. I bumped into her in the car park and was civil but made it clear she was not welcome in my home. Cut them out if you feel happy and comfortable. The people talking about red flags etc are buying into the scaremongering that the HV service thrives on. Give it a massive dose of ignoring and get on with your day. As for complaining, that’s 20 mins of your life submitting a complain that nobody will listen to and you’ll only feel even more disgruntled that you’ll get an inadequate and incompetent response.

*a complaint (not a complain)

If you haven't got time to see the health visitor I'd say it's a waste of your time complaining. As others have said, they can't differentiate between a capable mum and someone who is really struggling. I'd let it go if I were you.

I was going to say the same but you write it so well, much better than I would have :-)
OP please try to see from their point of view. With some of the horrible things that happen within some families we don't want to deter these services, we need them to keep checking up on people.

There might be lots of good HV’s - I have a few friends that are; but there are an awful lot who are useless, don’t listen to what they’re told and have their own agenda.

I told the HV not to bother coming back after the 7 week check for my twins when she told me they weren’t smiling and should be by then so meant something was wrong with them - she made no concession for them having been 6 weeks early and therefore were being checked at 5 days corrected age. She set her weighing scales up on the carpet right by the front door and was surprised when I asked didn’t she want to put the scales on a table or other hard surface where the weight would be more accurate - likewise the length board thing. Plus I had no intention of handing over a naked,
premature baby to someone sitting in a draughty doorway!!

Then she tried telling me it was a mandatory service and if I didn’t let her in to visit - on a day and time she felt like it - that I would be reported to social services for refusing medical care and treatment for my twins - though had no rational for that claim especially as they had an actual medical appointment 2 days later!! And, despite being told I really didn’t want or need their ‘help’, she twice turned up as we were heading out the door at 9:30am and seemed surprised that we were with it enough to get them dressed, fed and out of the house - I managed it the day after they came home from hospital so why not any other day.

In the end I had to write and insist under GDPR that they remove my information from their database as a letter informing them that we did not wish to engage with their services was simply ignored and, when I phoned to reiterate it, I was told I must be mistaken and really did want them to keep coming round to give their advice - no, I really didn’t!! And I still got a letter inviting me to book a video developmental check at 9 months actual age (7 1/2m corrected age) for their 12m review and another for their 2 year check - both got sent back with letters reminding them I’d withdrawn from HV services!!

You should have just let her in once as it is a safeguarding issues you cancelling appointments

You are on your 2nd child I have 6 ,was one of 7 and still learn new things all the time ,
The way you spoke to her was uncalled for totally , in fact you sound like the same sort of person that would be one of the 1st to say 'why wasn't more checks done ' when a story about a abused child comes out , How do these people know HV's ,SW's etc if they don't come and check at least once or twice ,
I always with all mine liked the fact I could check my children were putting on weight how they should after birth ,especially my twins or early baby or even ones that lost a bit more weight than they should , yes it was annoying just after birth when u really don't want to be meeting people and just want to relax and enjoy your baby but I would rather have a vist or 2 to know all is okay as as parents sometimes we don't see sonethingbas wrong straightbaway where as HV know what they are looking for ,I get it and with 6 by the last I had hardly any visits prob one or 2 but now have a health visitor untill they are 18 so not just for babies and when they do the health checks in years 1 and 6 at school its good for the doctors to have a chart to look back on to see your child's previous checks and they check alot more than just their weight , its injections illnesses ,family history , and your child will have that to look back on also ! My twins who are 15 like looking at their red books and seeing how much they grew as babies as when they hit certain milestones etc so not just about u not putting up with a stranger for 20 minutes , you need to look at the bigger picture ,and put your child first instead of your not wanting to do a 'optional' meeting ,they will be helpfull when your children are older and of school age .

I seem to recall an A&E Dr didn't want to engage with Victoria Climbie after Victoria wolfed the third bowl of cereal because the Dr thought she had scabies.

So, so concerned are the people about the welfare of little children providing they are not put at risk or have to do so much work

For the HV above who bloated their contracts were from 8.30 to 5.30, therefore 40 hours pw and intended shecwas working until 7pm - no shit sherlock! That's what many, many low paid people do day in and day out. My staff on about 40ish to it for experience and professional development. They are also highly educated and are bright and customer service oriented and onkw that if they were as uncaring or incompetent as my hv was, they would likely be dismissed on the basis of poor performance.