Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

It just makes you look like you have something to hide. I would expect a visit from a social worker tbh.... If someone did that in my area it would set alarm bells ringing

yes you are being unreasonable, Health visitors have a duty to see the child and it’s an opportunity to ensure all is safe and well with said child. Sadly all too often when professionals are blocked it’s to hide some form of abuse

@user1493559472 well I knew I wasn't a victim of domestic abuse and that I had pnd (which developed after my hv's horrendous handling of bf difficulties and the guilt a 23 year year old wrought). My GP sorted out the pnd.

The condescending nature of the questions and the tick box exercise without looking up did nothing to develop a relationship. My HV sat in my lovely, beautifully furnished house (SW London) and actually asked me if we claimed benefits! She didn't ask me whether my husband abused me (he didn't and never has). How would she have known otherwise? In fact she seemed more concerned to be checking whether or not I was a single parent.

I don't even recall her asking how I was feeling physically 10 days past partum and already recovering from the first bout of mastitis. Neither did she show any actual interest in the baby except where it mattered for her paperwork. To boot neither could she explain to me the purpose of her visit.

It was a complete and utter waste of time and resources.

You didn’t need this service, which is great. However, Unfortunately in many concerning cases declining appointments is a big red flag. And often behind closed doors, other things are happening. From unsupported mums, to controlling dads, to neglected children, etc etc to, at the other end of the spectrum people who are capable, fine, with no safeguarding issues or postnatal depression or indeed anything that requires support. The problem is that from outside that door you really can’t tell who is who.

The way to think of it is that someone is there to double check the well-being of the child and family at large. Good news all round that you don’t require support, that your child is safe, and that the health visitor can close a file and sleep soundly knowing she made the extra effort to confirm all was well.

I would just accept it for what it is, be grateful that you and your child have their well-being, and forget about it.

People wonder why so many abusers get away with things, this is why.
The attitude is awful OP and YABU.
What does it matter if they have the checks? Why not? Because you read up on development in children do you think you can pick up on things that they can’t?
You sound a little strange in your thinking and of course alarm bells are going to be going off when a parent is declining all appointments.
You are acting like it’s some government conspiracy thing when it’s about children’s health and safeguarding and yours, for all they know you could be in a DV relationship or suffering with mental health issues, or you child could be in danger.
You’re making yourself look quite dodgy.

It is an optional service and you were well within your rights to decline the visit.
While it isn't illegal to doorstep someone it is certainly rude and pushy.
Considering she had actually spoken to you on the phone and then pretended not to have done, your response was justified.

It’s the responsibility of the HV to check on your child. This is to check there are no problems, and that they are being well looked after and not being abused or neglected. People who abuse their children often frequently cancel appointments (obviously not accusing you) but she’s not doing her job if she doesn’t see the children under her jurisdiction

Agreed!

OMG .
I can't read anymore of your rude and nasty comments that some of you have put on this site.
I wish I worked from 9-5. My contracted working hours are 8.30am- 5.30pm. I work till 7.00pm most nights and later, phoning parents, following up with other agencies etc.
All members of the Health Visiting team are very educated, highly skilled and have huge passion for our roles. Caring for children and families.

I think cancelling ALL HV appointments would set alarm bells ringing…post natal depression, safeguarding etc etc

You are totally unreasonable,no words

You've got this completely wrong.

There is no legal or moral obligation on the HV to check OP's child. Absolutely none.

Meanwhile, OP has both a legal and moral obligation to look after her child and a legal right to take up or refuse HV services.

I had no idea that you could opt out of health visitor appointments. That has actually unsettled me. They should be mandatory.

Everything the Health Visiting team tell parents is evident based information. We don't just talk about our views? if this was true the HV wouldn’t have been suggesting (to the point of giving me the name/location of a Dr) that I circumcise my son as it might make it easier for him to fit in with “the local community”. A community that he shared no connection with at all apart from possibly having similar colouring to. She wouldn’t have been concerned at a baby being 25th centile, she wouldn’t have berated me for leaving the country for less than a week when my baby was eight weeks old “without telling her”, and she wouldn’t have been told to stay away from me by my GP and her superior.

I’m interested in the poster up thread who said they can’t access SLT without a HV/early years practitioner. That sounds an outrageous set up and I’m interested in what part of the country that’s happening in and who told you that? Most areas allow you to self refer (or did) and certainly a GP could refer you.

Women pay huge amounts of tax, and do huge amounts of unpaid caring and it’s infuriating to read how they are being treated.

This isn't why abusers get away with it. Abusers get away with it because people turn a blind eye to signs of abuse. Because Social Services don't have the resources to spend on cases where there are signs. None of which is helped by an HV turning up to an appointment she knows has been canceled by a mother whom she has no reason to think is a risk is struggling or a risk to her child.

YABU
They’re there for 20-30 minutes….not hours. They’re there for your child as much as you.

I’m glad the health visitor system is working, including the safeguarding aspect. There’s so many horror stories of abused /neglected kids in the news at the moment and if the HV system can prevent even a small % of these then it’s invaluable.

Also OP haven’t your actions kind of achieved the opposite of your intentions? If you’d simply had the bare minimum of HV visits and allowed them to see that you and your baby were thriving you wouldn’t have had to give this any headspace at all. But spending your time cancelling appointments, making phone calls, starting this thread etc has probably made you spend more time and mental energy on the whole issue.

@Vivi0 you find it unsettling that it’s not mandatory for a state representative checking your child in your home in case you are a child abuser. Maybe you would be more at home in North Korea.

Okay, we get that you had a bad time but not all health visitors are crap. Mine was lovely. My first born died when she was 18 months, unexplained death. When I got pregnant again I was terrified. My health visitor visited once a week during and after my son was born. I couldn’t have gotten through it without her.

So you're proactive, you read about children and their upbringing and check their milestones. But you didn't think that the HV is not there just for you but to ensure your DC is ok too? Was it really beyond you that a HV wouldn't want to check on a child they'd never seen when their visits has been refused. I'm not buying it.

I wish the HV I saw with my first child had been more pushy. She was the only person who raised DV. She didn’t know my abusive partner was upstairs at the time. I reassured he was very supportive. Wish she come and asked again. I might have told her.

Stories like Baby P should help you u realise why that health visitor needed to turn up on your door step.

It’s also a bit arrogant to assume you know everything & they can’t help you. All my health visitors were amazing & I was happy to chat with them about how the babies & I were doing.

My DS2 died at 27 weeks - congenital heart deformity identified at 20 week scan. On the basis of my HV experience with DS1 I am in no doubt that the HV service would have made things indescribably worse. In any event their remit is to follow children from 0 to 5. There was no child. She couldn't assist with bf how she'd have screwed up over bereavement I can't imagine.

I bet the murdered and tortured children wish there had been more checks, not less or even none.

Why don’t people realise that the health visiting service is something that you are within your rights to opt out of.
It is in no way mandatory.