Health Visitor turned up after I declined appointment

[AliceBeazley]

So, the Health Visitor. I understand it can be a valuable service to some, and it's good we have this available to us if we need it.

That said, I've never really felt the need myself. I had a visit from one once or twice after my first son was born, and she was very nice but it wasn't especially useful and just took up my time when I would rather have been doing something else.

Whenever I've been sent an appointment, I've gone through the checklist and never had any concerns. I've also got various books on child development in the early years and am proactive about checking whether milestones are being met. I've therefore cancelled all HV appointments that have been sent, and other than the office staff seeming a little puzzled, I've never had an issue doing this.

Roll on to baby number 2. I declined the checks from the start, other than arranging for the HV to come and weigh him when he was a few weeks old. When the 1 year check appointment came through I called the office and cancelled again. The woman said she would pass the message on to the HV.

The HV called and left a message to say she had my message and that's fine, but she could come and do another weigh if I wanted to, yada yada yada.

Feeling the matter was resolved, I forgot about it.

This morning the HV turned up at the door for the 9-12 month check. I explained it had been cancelled, and she sort of made noises as if that was a surprise. I said hang on, did you say your name was "Emma", wasn't it you who left a message for me to acknowledge I'd cancelled. She then said "Yes but as I said, it would be nice to meet you both". I said "Well there's lots of people it would be nice to meet, but you can't just turn up at people's doors uninvited". It was this point she obviously could tell I was annoyed at her intrusion and decides to scuttle off again.

I'm pretty annoyed by this to be honest. She knew I wasn't interested but she tried to disregard my wishes and try and come in anyway. I know a lot of people think HV appointments are mandatory and they don't do anything to point out the contrary. I feel like she just wanted to railroad me into letting her in whether I wanted to see her or not. This tactic probably works on some. I have to say I find it quite disturbing that someone acting on behalf of a government funded organisation can decide to turn up at your house and ask to see your children and intrude upon your privacy without any mandate or justification. As if the state knows better than me and I am unable to opt out.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like complaining about this as its a complete overstep. I've no idea who to complain to or if it would even do any good. I'd appreciate other's thoughts on it. TIA.

I don’t get why people decline them at all, even if you feel like your being parent of the year - I like having them come out just to chat, post partum is a lonely time and having someone come and chat and ask how I am and not just to coo over the baby is great.

ive had a few visits this time and they’ve weighed baby, asked how feeding is going, asked how I’m healing, how I feel and asked if I’m happy with the sage sleep advice. I’ve never had any concerns but that doesn’t mean I’m going to refuse the service totally.

You sound a bit too ‘proud’ but not in a good way.

I always tried to do an antenatal visit to introduce myself and to let the parents know about clinic times and local facilities in the area, such as the Children’s Centre, playgroups and nurseries. The next visit would be the birth visit, where I would take over from the community midwife. In many years of health visiting I never had a parent refuse our services.

They're not obliged to offer the service. My old area wasn't doing any developmental checks or HV visits after the six week one and cancelled most of the baby clinics. I had to write to my MP to get a developmental check from a HV for DD as nobody ever returned calls from the HV phone line.

It's a relief to hear that isn't the case in all areas as so many cases of development delay or children in abusive situations must have been missed where I was living.

It's a relief to hear that isn't the case in all areas as so many cases of development delay or children in abusive situations must have been missed where I was living

This my day job, so much abuse and developmental delay was missed in the pandemic. This week I have seen 3 referrals from HV for children starting school this year with almost no language. That is the fall out of the cancelled 27m check in 2020

@dollymuchymuchness earlier in the thread you were asked to quote the population of your City in response to your statements about large numbers of cases for concern on your team's books. With no contextual information it is impossible to evaluate the numbers you have given.

Your statements sum up my experience with my hv. Nuggets of info shared as a mantra, no links to any evidence based research and an inability to clearly and accurately answer any question.

That is why I decided not to waste any of my valuable time interacting with an hv service whose leader thought its role was to teach ignorant mothers the three Cs: cooking, cleaning and communication. The service couldn't be more unfit for purpose if it tried.

Answers on a postcard please.

I wouldn't complain OP, I think it would make you look a bit of an idiot tbh this is all so tedious. You do not have to guard against looking silly, people thinking you are too proud/confident, people suspecting you are trying to hide your dirty house, people thinking you are rude or arrogant or any of the other undermining woman squashing shit that gets poured over mothers. If you feel you need “the three c’s” and that support with how to cook, clean, and communicate is going to help you Parent better then say “yes” to the offered visit, if not say “no”.

In many years of health visiting I never had a parent refuse our services. that’s surprising, did you explain it was optional? I’m genuinely surprised because I know LOTS of people who refused and there are always threads on MN with people unhappy with their HV.

I gave a bit of an idea about numbers of safeguarding in the city where I used to work. It’s a large, multi cultural city. It would be really easy for me to Google the current population but that would not really inform you further. For figures to be meaningful you would require a breakdown of demographics.

@dollymuchymuchness yes, bit when asked you didn't bother to provide an answer to a simple and direct question. I think, without scrolling back, you said that each of your team's 6 members had 50 cases of concern and overall your city had 43 team's of hv's. You implied that each team would have 300 cases of concern. Multiplied by 43 that's shy of 13,000 cases of concern. The overall percentage cannot be worked out without the total number of under 5s or as a more inaccurate measure the total number of people.

Now you bring in demographic criteria and don't indicate whether your 300 cases are in an area of high deprivation. However I think we can assume that that deprivation levels and therefore numbers will be different across the City and that the figures you have extrapolated are at best opaque.

I would love to know if the CCG commissioned more hv's for areas of high deprivation than low but that is likely to be too sophisticated and certainly is not in line with my experience of NHS services for women and children reducing all interactions to the lowest common denominator.

Do you really not see how your vague and potentially inaccurate information is in line with the standards too often received by families from the hv service. It was certainly my experience.

My hv was inexperienced, incompetent and incapable of empathy. She was 23. I was 34. In line with the comments of the hv leader in 96 in relation to the 3 C's all midwives and the hv who entered my house were obsessed with the fact it was clean, tidy and exceptionally nice. It was and is just the way we live and the way we were brought up. It was actually a little offensive.

And this is why I try and keep away from these threads.

In many years of health visiting I never had a parent refuse our services

lol
im sure you’ve had many many people who just didn’t turn up. I know I did.
Thats often what ‘refusing HV services’ look like.

Do you think it’s just new parents not seeing a HV that is issue?

Nit struggling to access a GP or thinking it wasn’t urgent or serious enough to warrant an appointment?
Not parents struggling to access a SLT or a paediatrician? Etc….

Why? Because you don't want to respond to questions in a way that indicates you are speaking from a position of evidence based research but expect mother's to swallow hook, line and sinker whatever mantra you happen to be spouting.

Anyone remember when hv's started advising that babies be put to sleep on their fronts? I recall my grandmother and mother being horrified a family member was told to do this.

@CarryonCovid and missed diagnoses are not due to the fact that the public locked down for the sake of the NHS?

Here is what you did wrong.

You stay ed on their books, leaving then with some sort of safeguarding responsibility. Posters saying every child has that protection don't understand the law. You can absolutely refuse their input but unless you formally withdraw from the system in writing, they will treat your missed appointments with concern.

I understand opting out, and why you turned her away - and even being a little miffed at the out-the-blue visit.

Equally, I get they do this as a safeguarding thing to check all is as it should be. Much better a "normal" parent feels annoyed than a neglectful/abusive one flies under the radar.

Yes health visitors are part of the NHS, the shut down is absolutely why they were missed. Which for me illustrates the value of hralth visiting. In our area you can't see a SLT or developmental peadiatrician without a referral either from HV or early years. They do not accept GP referrals as health visitors are more expert in child development.

It begs the question of what HVs and SLTs were doing during lockdown and why if they were not working to support the Covid effort, work was considered too dangerous for them when transport and supermarket staff carried on.

Health vistors are nurses, they were redeployed to the wards.

SLTs too some of them, a lot of Covid patients had strokes and even wothout needed to be asessed after being in ITU for often weeks.There were an awful lot of very sick patients in waves 1 and 2.

You're just full of red flags to the HV. Why does a quick appointment bother you so much? Don't answer me....but think about it and give yourself an honest and real answer.

My eldest child was born at 25 weeks, and in hospital for 8 months after she was born. I had to deal with the HV checks (which were miserable), despite no baby being at home, and the woman was not pleasant. It was a miserable period of my life, those 8 months. When I had a second child, for obvious reasons, I wanted no one involved. But we had been flagged, apparently, since the first newborn hadn’t been present on the first check (duh, she was hooked up to 100 machines in hospital). I had to grit my teeth and endure the checks even though it was the last thing on earth I wanted. I agree with what the others say: we’re lucky to live in a country that cares, that provides a free service to make sure we are all safe.

But yes, it can be unwanted, for sure. For whatever your reason is!

Hi
I work in a Health Visiting team. You do have a choice to decline the services of the Health Visiting, but as other people have commented that we don't know without seeing you whether you are a victim of domestic abuse or you have postnatal depression or need any other support. If you don’t want the Health Visitors support than contact the team and inform them.
The Health Visiting team is here to support you and your children for the children from birth till they are 5 years old. I hope this is clearer.

This!!

Having seen the amount of child and toddler deaths over lockdowns and since, it is vitally important that you engage with HVs and development checks! I have a degree in teaching specialising in early years but I have still engaged in all my checks and even subsequent social
services interactions (after I’d struggled with my post natal mental health)

Not judging but the HV was just doing her job and as you’ve not put up the poll I’d say YABU OP

Everything the Health Visiting team tell parents is evident based information. We don't just talk about our views? The Health Visiting team is working so very hard with cutbacks, staff shortage etc. At the end of the day if you did not have someone to come and see you and check in with you, then you had a problem, you would be moaning then!!